positioning grace as some sort of "victim" of eva stratt is so weird to me. they're freak4freak, they were unhealthily co-dependent on each other and had an insane dynamic going on that works for them and should never be applied to anyone else.
the fact that grace fails to consciously acknowledge basic facts about his life and social status is not her fault and not her responsibility either. that's a grown ass man, a scientist, a teacher. he can be aware if he wants to be, but it's uncomfortable and he avoids discomfort like hell. he runs from confrontation, he runs from challenges, especially emotional ones. that's a defining characteristic of him.
she didn't turn him into anything, he willingly went along with all of it and if he had wanted to see it, he would have known that he was always on the damn list of candidates/science officers.
you do not follow eva "i don't care about who wants to go, i care who's most capable" stratt around for FOUR YEARS and not think "oh maybe me, the leading researcher in astrophage, is on her list of people to be shot into space to save humanity".
he knew. she knew. everyone knew.
not a single person on the planet was surprised when he was the third choice, everyone probably went "oh yeah he's the most logical choice, of course he's going". because he IS the most logical choice and always has been.
the fact that stratt had two other people in front of him — literally the perfect candidate — shows how much she cared and understood that he didn't want to go.
she wanted to keep him on earth, god, she really wanted to keep him. but she could not choose him over the world, no matter how badly she wanted to say fuck it and send someone else.