when it all blows up the sun will still be shining

saw a comment that misspelled “kind gesture” as “kind jester” and am now imagining a beautiful world where we praise good samaritans by calling them kind jesters. good on you, you gentle fool. you’ve made the world a sweeter and sillier place.

everyone post your biggest hear me outs my friend just showed me two conventionally attractive white men in a row i need to teach him what a real hear me out is

'here's a real hear me out' >>posts world's most conventionally attractive piece of machinery

Making "oog. Waugh. 🥺" kinds of noises after being reminded of a very basic fact about blorbo I already knew

sometimes i be saying im gonna go to bed and then i dont go to bed. frequently in fact. this is because i have the heart of an optimist and the soul of a liar

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this

I will never forgive Project Hail Mary for indoctrinating me into the cult of finding Ryan Gosling attractive. All my life I heard the word of how hot and desirable Ryan Gosling is. All my life I didn’t see it, denied it. All my life I had the assurance I was not prey to mass delusion. There just, wasn’t anything remarkable there. And then they just fucking throw some glasses and cardigans on this man and make him sad and cowardly and I fold. All I think about now is Ryan Gosling bouncing and crying on it. It being? Whatever have you. A rock dildo. Markiplier. Any penile like object this pathetic little man is in the vicinity of. I should be killed.