wat

waiting for my knight in shining armor (ibuprofen) to rescue me from the horrors (head hurty)

the more I learn about the great molasses flood of 1919, the more I realize poetry can only go so far and some catastrophic sugar substitute events will just outdo you every time.

ur telling me september ends in a few days hmmm…… …yeah no no i get u but hmmmm.. werent we Like. Talking about how fast august ended a week ago?

i can feel every cell in my body

theyre all beating the shit out of each other

never liked being a waitress but i found joy in telling customers we no longer have whatever they are asking for. sorry wee ran out of mussels i guess you should kill yourself

“fitted” sheets well why dont they then. why dont they

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he wasn’t even there to be a contestant he joined the crew as a CHINESE TEACHER but the directors noticed his good looks and begged him to compete. poor guy made it to the finals and if he had been one of the winners he would have been contractually forced to be in a boy band whether he wanted to or not

this is the closest any human being has ever come to actually being sold to One Direction

“post-pandemic life” POST??? girl what are u talking about

We’re, like, mid-pandemic at best