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no more daddy. in 2026 all men whimper on floor pathetic

Hey…. Hey… Character’s covered in blood, okay? You remember characters covered in blood?? You used to love characters covered in blood

my most toxic trait is i fucking love work gossip. i play neutral not to be the bigger person or take the high road but to hear slander and hearsay from every side. two coworkers complained about each other to me in the same afternoon and i nearly blacked out from the rush

before pride month ends does anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me

posting this on the first day of june so you all have plenty of time to gather your nerves and whatnot

the realization that the unhealthy trait you’ve given your favorite oc for funsies is actually something you unintentionally do is like watching a five year old innocently and perfectly mimic your bad habits

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

we gave this robot the ability to smoke cigarettes because thats fucking awesome

I just don't think we ever wrapped up the Clown Sightings of 2016 in a satisfactory way.

… I am unironically here for this

this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

sorry my pussy is too wet my thighs are too squishy and my boobs are too cute do u still like me