Welcome To Gay Snob Town

Please let me introduce you to MyNoise.net - a lifesaver on all aspects.

Mynoise provides an incredible index of noise machine generators with personalizing sliders to suit your every taste.

Missing the sound of a lively coffee shop during the pandemic? They have that. That specific, calming noise of a public park in a peaceful afternoon? they have that. Rain sounds? City sounds? Want to fuck around and listen to some uninterrupted Gregorian chants? They have that also!

According to the website:

"myNoise generators cover the whole audible frequency range, from 20Hz to 20kHz, over 10 color-coded sliders. Through a simple but accurate calibration process, all myNoise generators can be shaped to your personal hearing thresholds and compensate for your audio equipment and listening environment deficiencies, including the presence and nature of background noise. Calibration is unique to this website, and makes calibrated noise machines stand out from regular white noise machines. During the calibration process, we are able to measure your personal hearing levels, and adapt our noises accordingly. If you are suffering from age-related hearing, you'll be surprised to hear frequencies you thought were lost."

And that's not all. When I say 'incredible' I really mean it; I've found myself using the website on multiple occasions, for work, creative and stress-related issues, and the variety of machines provided cannot be overstated. You've got animal noises, nature soundscapes, street sounds, meditation aids, melody-based lullabies, magical soundscapes, medieval ambiance, situation specific sounds, white noise generators-- and a lot more!!! They even have noise to block out IRL sounds you don't want to hear.

Just take a brief look at what the index page provides:

There's something for EVERYONE. And it's all for free! It's been for free for years, and it is the creator's wish that it remains accessible to everyone who might need this kind of aid in life. I am using it to write this post right now. Though if you read some of the above index, you may have noticed that the support for the website has been very low lately.

Which brings me to the reason I'm making this post. Mynoise is curated and maintained by a single person:

And she’s supportive of my writing about queerness but also kind of bitter about how quickly her entire generation’s history has disappeared into a bland “AIDS was bad, gay marriage solved homophobia” narrative, and now we’re having to play catch-up to educate young LGBTQ+ people about queer history and queer theory. It gets pretty raw sometimes.

I mean, a large part of the reason TERFs have been good at educating the young and queer people haven’t is, in the 80s and 90s the leading lights of TERFdom got tenured university positions, and the leading lights of queerdom died of AIDS.

When an epidemic happens, public health agencies spend millions of dollars trying to understand what happens: Why are people sick or dying? What caused it? Who else is at risk? Government health departments like the Centres for Disease control and private companies both invest hundreds of millions of dollars into preserving public health. This happened in 1977, when military veterans who all attended the same gathering began to get sick with a strange type of pneumonia, with 182 cases and 29 dead, and the CDC traced the illness to a bacterium distributed by the air conditioning system of a hotel they all stayed at, and in 1982, when seven people died of tainted Tylenol, and pharmaceutical companies changed the entire way their products were made and packaged to prevent more deaths.

Meanwhile, the AIDS epidemic took six years to be recognized by the CDC (1975-1981) because at first the only people dying were intravenous drug users, which is to say, heroin addicts; when it was recognized, President Reagan’s government pressured the CDC to spend as little time and money on AIDS as possible, because they literally didn’t think gay lives were important. So yes, hospitals refused to treat them and medical staff treated them as disgusting people who deserved to die, but also, there was very little funding for scientists to understand what this disease was, what caused it, where it came from, how it spread, or how to stop it. The LGBTQ+ community had to organize and fight to get hospitals to treat them, to fund scientific research, to be legally allowed to buy the drugs that kept them alive, and to have access to treatment. An effective treatment for AIDS wasn’t found until 1995.

And it’s ongoing; a lot of the difficulty of fighting AIDS in Africa is that it’s seen as “the gay disease” (and thanks to European colonialism, even African societies that used to be okay with us were taught to think LGBTQ+ people are bad).  Even now that we have medications that can treat or prevent AIDS, they’re incredibly expensive and hard to get; in 2015, New York businessman Martin Shkreli acquired the exclusive right to make a drug that treats an AIDS-related disease, and raised its price from $13.50 a pill to $750 a pill. 

Here’s one history on what it was like to have and fight AIDS, one history on how politicians responded to the epidemic, and if you can get a copy of the documentary How to Survive a Plague, it’s a good introduction, because it’s about how AIDS patients had to fight for their lives. A lot of these histories are imperfect and incomplete, because privilege played a big part in whose lives and deaths were seen as important–Poor people, people of colour, trans people, and drug addicts were less likely to be able to afford or access medical care, and more likely to die without being remembered; histories often tend to focus on straight people who got AIDS through no fault of their own, and then white cis gay men who seem more “respectable” and “relatable”.  

Hospitals refused to treat them, and when they did get admitted, treated them like dirt so their will-to-live was eroded - refused to let long-term partners visit them, staff acted like they were disgusting nuisances, etc.

Very little funding was put into finding causes or cures - AIDS was considered “god’s punishment” for immoral behavior by a whole lot of people.

Once causes were understood (effective treatments were a long ways off), information about those causes weren’t widely shared - because it was a “sex disease” (it wasn’t) and because a huge number of the victims were gay or needle-drug users, and the people in charge of disease prevention (or in charge of funding) didn’t care if all of those people just died.

Not until it started hitting straight people and superstar celebrities (e.g. Rock Hudson) did it get treated as A Real Problem - and by that time, it had reached terrifying epidemic conditions.

Picture from 1993:

Before my diagnosis, I, like many others, was clueless to how far treatment has come. I was still under the belief my diagnosis was a death sentence. Moving forward, even if only one person hears my story, that’s one more person that’s educated and can raise awareness.

A bottle of Truvada (a month supply commonly used for treating this) is at least $3,000 out of pocket and insurance doesn’t usually take a lot off of that. But the pharmacy I work at is an HIV specialty and we always get te price down to less than $10.

My brother’s first boyfriend was kicked out/disowned by his parents for being queer, got AIDS, couldn’t afford treatment, and died.  He died in 2019, at around 20 years old.

In 2019.

Barely more than a kid.

Of a treatable disease.

Because of homophobia.

Because his parents cared more about not being associated with a queer person than they cared about their son’s literal life.

By 1996, all of the men facing the camera in the picture were dead.

Every.

Single.

One.

Eric Luse, the photographer, said this in a more recent article :

By 1996 the obituary list was almost 50 names longer than the entire choral roster. All of the positions plus four dozen more, gone. The obituary list continued to grow, too. The cost and availability of any treatments in the mid-late 90s continued to cause more death.

If you were queer in the 80s and 90s, you knew someone who had it and knew people who died from it. Period. I cannot stress the impact this had on the queer community and those of us who were alive at the time, and I know the scope of it is almost unimaginable to younger people today.

By 1996, there were NO surviving original members of the SFGMC. You need to know that when you see this picture.

Dozens of the men turned away from the camera here in this shot were also dead alongside the men in white. It is vital to recognize that.

There is no hope in this picture, it isn’t a display of a lucky few who avoided death. There is no “Well at least some of them survived” because no, they didn’t, and this time was so fucking bleak and painful it’s astonishing that anything got done. They’d march one week and die the next. Their friends would bury them in the morning and march in the afternoon. This went on for years.

Bigotry and hate and ignorance killed generations of queer people. It speaks to the sheer resilience of the community that from that all but state-sanctioned genocide, we have gained so much ground in the last few decades. Much is owed to the people who refused to stay quiet and who fought even on their deathbeds, so please consider learning about LGBTQ+ history as a way of continuing the fight and showing respect. Many of us coming of age at that time didn’t have that opportunity, and made it a point to learn and get involved as teenagers and young adults because we saw what we were losing.

i love large noses as much as the next person – hell, i have a large nose myself! but theres a difference between celebrating larger noses (which david tennant does have, and adria too to an extent), and playing into an antisemitic design thats been around for decades. be more wary of your designs of both characters, and if youre giving either of them a large, beaked nose, you should probably change that design a bit. 

it says a lot about some artists beliefs, weather they’re aware of it or not, if they draw aziraphale with blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin, and a small button nose (which the majority of his tv design does have), and crowley with his curly red hair, a large beaked nose, and tanner skin (which is a whole other bucket of worms). its playing into an antisemitic idea that stemmed from the holocaust – the perfect aryan race. aziraphale is good, an angel, and well, pure, if we’re going by hitlers definition. crowley is bad, a demon, a snake and coded to be jewish. we all know the point of both characters is they exist in complete contrast of each other, in every possible way. but, that doesnt mean we as fans have to follow into an antisemitic design that the casting director fell into by choosing david to play crowley (which im not getting into here but would be glad to elaborate on further if anyone wishes that i do). 

we need to be aware of how were drawing crowley and aziraphale both together and separately. we have to acknowledge that david tennant has a big nose, but its not that large, and its not that significantly larger than michaels. 

credit to this gifset. if you look at both of their noses in profile, there is not much of a difference between them. davids has a bit straighter of a bridge, and michael’s is a bit wider, but honestly there isnt much different with their noses.

im a fan of the show, and the book too! and i acknowledge that aziraphale is supposed to be warm and soft and round – hes fat, he wears loose clothing, he wears tan, white or brown clothing exclusively – and crowley is supposed to be sharp and cold and dark – hes skinny, hes in tight form fitting clothing, and is solely in black/grey and red – but that doesnt mean those design choices have to apply to their noses. 

theres a line artists need to be aware of while drawing david tennant as crowley, or using crowleys tv design to influence their own headcanon. its subjective, ill give you that, but this line applies to all styles of art, not just realistic or exaggerated or overly simplified. im talking to all fanartists in this fandom.

i wanted to get examples across various art styles, and im in no way negatively judging any of these artists for how good or bad they create art. this is a small sample pool of a much bigger problem within the gomens fandom, and im gonna focus solely on how they draw crowleys nose. all of these artist have exaggerated the size and length of the characters nose. some still look realistic and fit on the face, some are overly exaggerated. the two things all of these pieces of art have in common is 1) how unlike david tennants actual nose they are and 2) how they all play into the large (beaked/pointy) nose antisemitic stereotype. 

you cant deny that the stereotype exists, and you could argue that fans drawing crowley like above are playing into davids actual face, instead of said stereotype, but they go hand in hand. as i said above, devil horns/wings and red hair are also huge antisemitic caricatures, and combining them with these overly exaggerated pointy or hooked noses, is a huge dog whistle. crowley is a demon, which plays into a historical antisemitic belief, and is also a snake, which was what jews were commonly depicted as in nazi propganda. there are a bunch of moving pieces within crowleys characterization that points him in an antisemitic direction, which is why a lot of (jewish) fans have turned to interpreting him as a shedim (sorry for the wikipedia link lmao). its a reclaiming response to the antisemitic design of the tv interpretation. 

y’all should reevaluate how your design of crowley plays into these aspects. i understand stylization. i understand headcanons. i get all of this! i understand! but goyim, you need to realize that continuing to draw crowley with this large, beaked/pointy, overly exaggerated nose is hurting and alienating jewish people, fans or not of the show. i know gomens is extremely popular right now, which is why i want this post to be here. 

This remarkable letter of unknown provenance surfaced recently in the cuneiform collection of the University of West Wessex.  Addressed to Azirapil from a Mr. “Crawly,” it appears to be begging for the other’s return to Ur from a western journey with another individual, Abiraham.  The relationship between the two (brothers? business partners? friends?) is unknown, and all three names are quite unusual.  The letter also mentions a Mr. Ea-naṣir in Ur; if this is the same Ea-naṣir as the merchant mentioned in UET V 22, 29, 71, and 81, then the original letter would be dated to the Larsa period, around 1800 BCE.  However, this particular copy appears to be a scribal exercise; the writing is relatively unskilled, and the cuneiform is Neo-Assyrian in form.  It is unclear whether the text is based on a historical letter, or if its unusual names and content were invented for scribal practice.

Text:

Tell Azirapil [1]:

Thus says “Crawly” [2]:

When will your time in the West be finished?  Abiraham [3] seems very dirty, and I am weary [4] in Ur.  [There is] a talented mirsu-maker [5] on Wide Street!

Watch out, for I have acquired a new friend.  His name is Ea-Naṣir [6], and I may play wickedly with him if you do not return.  

Come quickly!

The dead pigeon in Aziraphale’s pocket TV!Aziraphale: revives the dead bird himself Book!Aziraphale: says “it’s too late”, lets Crowley pull the bird out of his coat and breathe life into it. when Crowley says that duh, that’s what happens when you stick a bird up your sleeve, Aziraphale replies with: “not the bird. the dog.”

The 6000 years TV!Aziraphale: gets into trouble every other century, almost gets discorporated three times, is saved by Crowley Book!Aziraphale: never mentioned needing saving, generally interacts with Crowley by drinking with him and having very prolonged discussions about human nature, God, divine plan and other philosophically ambiguous matters. 

The mafia people who think that a bookshop is not a proper way to use a perfectly good selling spot in Soho TV!Aziraphale: (in the script) is a bit flustered, makes mafia people reconsider their life choises and leave Book!Aziraphale: Men would come. Men would threaten. “Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he’d think about [their suggestions]. And then they’d go away. And they’d never come back. Just because you’re an angel doesn’t mean you have to be a fool.”

The Antichrist TV!Aziraphale: is visibly horrified by the idea of killing the boy when Crowley suggests it Book!Aziraphale: is the first to think of it and regards killing a child as a practical way of solving the problem. he only hesitates when madam Tracy expresses confusion over the prospect of killing a kid. 

The questions TV!Aziraphale: asks lots of questions about the nature of the divine plan and stuff while interacting with his superiors: Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Metatron - the whole lot.  Book!Aziraphale: interacts with a superior once. it’s Metatron, the scene in the bookstore with the summoning circle. Aziraphale tells him the details about the whereabouts of the Antichrist, Metatron responds with “so what? we’ll win, we want the war to play out” and Aziraphale immediately understands that there’s no point in pushing the matter. next time he asks a question is during the apocalypse. other than that all his questioning is expressed in his talks with Crowley. 

The banishing TV!Aziraphale: banishes the guy with the gun because Crowley positively refuses to, he’s having a moment, thank you very much Book!Aziraphale: banishes the guy himself because he’s exasperated and “oh, blast it. You try to do the decent thing, and where does it get you?”

The Apocalypse TV!Aziraphale: prompts Crowley to think of something “or I’ll never talk to you again”, but also actually considers threatening him with a sword first. Book!Aziraphale: calmly convinces Crowley to stay with him to try and fight Satan for the sake of humans present. he’s the one who points out that they have nothing to lose. he stays collected and calm the whole time.

The relationship TV!Aziraphale: very clearly was portrayed as loving Crowley and has a whole internal conflict about that and their relationship, which develops into a plot point  Book!Aziraphale: seems quite accustomed to their arrangement, doesn’t really mind associating with the demon, constantly refers to him as “my dear boy”, “my dear” and “dearest”, touches him on his shoulder-arm-hand casually. they don’t have a “breakup”, last Crowley sees him is when the angel goes into his bookshop after their trip to Tadfield, and next time they meet is at the air base. (*)

Overall I feel like the difference is that TV!Aziraphale is quite nervous, he’s scared of his superiors, scared of his feelings for Crowley, just generally has a lot of inner conflict. he’s a lot softer, too. his “enough of a bastard” side is more of him being manipulative and self-indulgent than anything else. Book!Aziraphale is a lot calmer, more collected, he does things himself and only asks Crowley for companionship. His “enough of a bastard” side is about him being practical to the point of cruelty. He still has lots of prejudice and some inner conflict based on his beliefs, it’s just a lot more subtle than in the show. 

Based on this post, it might seem like Book!Aziraphale is less caring, but I assure you that he’s still very much soft for both Crowley and humanity, he just has more big dick energy, if you know what I mean.  Again, I’m not saying that the differences are good or bad, I just feel like they’re there.

Crowley spends 6000 years tracking Aziraphale so he can swoop in and save his angelic dumbass every time he gets himself into trouble for some crepes and books or when he’s mildly - (mildly!) - inconvenienced or distressed

Aziraphale almost dies for crepes and wow what a mood, what a relatable god damn dumbass, and all Crowley can do is smile 

clearly, Crowley’s considered Aziraphale his friend, his best friend, over the span of six millennia, even when time and time again Aziraphale denies it because he’s fallen so hard in self denial, which speaks to the immense patience Crowley must have, specifically for his angel. Crowley knows Aziraphale likes him, possibly even loves him, even when Aziraphale won’t admit it to himself. Even so, he’s still particularly pleased whenever Aziraphale is happy being with him, to see proof of their companionship 

Crowley keeps urging Aziraphale to run off together and he just says it outright, all the time, they’re on their own side, it’s the two of them, they’re basically a couple, we’RE BEST FRIENDS, and he never runs off by himself 

every time Crowley says any of those things, Aziraphale is shocked by his affection and starts to smile before Angelic Purpose and Ineffable Plans or whatever kicks in and he’s all I DON’T EVEN LIKE YOU but he does and he has for 6000 years, dumbass

the gigantic heart eyes Aziraphale throws at Crowley, constantly, whether it’s saving his dumbass, his dumbass books, his dumbass jacket, his dumbass shakespeare, etc., that he thinks are subtle but he’s clearly gazing longingly. he looks so pleased!! 

Crowley saves Aziraphale’s books and while he’s holding them and looking at Crowley longingly a romantic string quartet plays in the background???

the absolute happiness on Aziraphale’s face when he sensed Crowley behind him while he was imprisoned for crepes

“you go too fast for me, Crowley” woah, dumbass hits home, hurts everyone’s souls, turns table on sunglasses dumbass,

the sadness, almost grief, when he says those words - Crowley has probably always known he loved Aziraphale (and hates that fact but begrudgingly accepts) but Aziraphale has never been ready to accept it, and even when he begins to their diametrically opposed circumstance prohibits him from accepting it, regardless of how many times Crowley’s shown his affection, how steadfast he is in their friendship. In some ways, Crowley will always be miles ahead of Aziraphale, who tends to stay put and delight in his old books, old clothes, hide in old virtues. 

and wow Crowley’s super soft when Aziraphale gives him the holy water, and he doesn’t know how to react at all when Aziraphale sadly, softly mutters  those words

I can’t BELIEVE his threat to Crowley is that he’ll never talk to him again while holding a god damn flaming smiting sword, and Crowley regards that as more threatening than the god damn flaming smiting sword, and stops time itself just so Aziraphale will still pay attention to him, like how flippin whipped can you get 

alternatively, Aziraphale saw the slight flinch when he raised his sword at Crowley and immediately put it back down and threatened him with something equally if not more effective

Crowley literally crying to Aziraphale because he lost him, and all Aziraphale says is a slightly uncomfortable “I’m sorry to hear that”, as if he doesn’t quite believe he’s the source of Crowley’s grief because how could he be? demon, angel, dumbass denial

Crowley walks out of the flaming bookshop, thinking his best friend has died, and “Somebody to Love” plays in the background LMAO

Aziraphale experiencing his own frantic sense of loss when he witnesses the angels dragging Crowley away

Aziraphale happily dancing the gavotte. what a dork. gay

Crowley basically pole dancing with a gigantic pin. also gay

Aziraphale so angry and scared about Crowley and holy water, about Crowley possibly dying forever, that they don’t meet for another century, and they only see each other again because Aziraphale is getting killed by nazis and Crowley can’t let that happen. And then Crowley saves him and his dumb books and after that Aziraphale gives him holy water next time so Crowley wouldn’t get hurt when he tries getting it himself 

their respective human ‘agent’ is the same idiot. dumbasses

they had absolutely no hand in raising Adam, who turned out fine. the one they did raise, on the other hand, is kind of an asshole. lol they’re so dumb

Aziraphale’s puppy face when he tries to implore Crowley to do something. it’s disgusting how effective it is. Crowley is weak.

Crowley claims to hate Aziraphale’s human magic shows but he’s also exasperatedly fond when he watches it. WEAK

Aziraphale is a DORK and Crowley LOVES IT. WEAK!!

Aziraphale did a stupid thing giving away the fire sword and shaded him from rain and Crowley’s dumbass has loved him since

“you’re so clever! how can anyone as clever as you be so stupid?” Crowley calling Aziraphale out on his denying dumbass

‘angel’ is a pet name

people rightfully mistaken them as dumb husbands

Crowley basically breaks up with him and Aziraphale stands there on the side walk, devastated 

they don’t say thank you, they just take each other out to meals

laughing together

Crowley worries over what Azirapahle thinks of his name. He cares about that detail. “You don’t like it?”

Crowley smiles when Aziraphale slips up and says stuff like “let me tempt you” or “i’ll be damned”. Aziraphale smiles whenever Crowley is nice.

Aziraphale has his bookstore full of the things he loves for him to indulge in, Crowley has his bentley full of Queens music for him to escape. One stands still, the other rides fast. One is sentiment for human things heaven cares not for, the other is a sort of freedom from hell. Both feels safe, are shared with only the other, and when set on fire, are mourned. 

they go on lunch dates like all the time and gaze at each other, softly.

so i guess like, the entire show

in conclusion i believe you can interpret their love in any myriad of ways, romantic, platonic, eternally entwined, transcendent of any of our human labels, all encompassing, every love imaginable, all at once. They love each other, and they’re probably in love with each other, whatever that means to them, in the sense that it will always be the two of them against whatever else. In the whole universe, they’ve got each other. They’re stupidly fond of each other, to a point beyond their understanding of the world. 

I wanted to draw something just a tad domestic :3c