i am a human disaster

first one looks like the dogs gonna n64 mario jump into a painting

Divorced dads will date varieties of women you had no idea existed, new breeds of people you have not encountered in your entire life. My mom’s boyfriends? Norm McNormalson. Sitcom caricatures of stepdads. A nerdy high school English teacher, the quintessential Appalachian farmboy, an anesthesiologist who was way more into her than she was into him. My dad’s girlfriends were the type of people you could only fathom existing as sitcom side characters. I’m not sure if it’s because the only women who would be interested in pursuing a relationship with him had to be profoundly psychologically disturbed beforehand or if he was the force that pushed these poor ladies over the edge but I never knew the energy of the house I would be walking into during my summer visitation. He had one girlfriend I liked. One single girlfriend who was cool and chill and he broke up with her because she was older than him and smarter than him and he didn’t like that.

for sale: Baby Shoes Stylish Infant Boy Girl Unisex First Walker Shoes Toddler Walking Crib Shoes Lightweight Non-Slip Sneakers For 6 9 12 18 24 Months Baby Shoes New With Tags New In Box Excellent Condition Never Worn

They're really trying to tan-suit-obama him, eh?

I think everyone with expendable formal wear and at a low risk for drowning should wade in a swimming pool at the shallow end and take a photo.

Lady in drive through had a bearded dragon sitting on her boobs and she held it up and let me pet it. killing myself canceled

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

age 111: Bilbo Baggins themed birthday party

sometimes i think about how my all-girls catholic school’s idea of a PE class was to pair two girls up, teach us how to dance tango (one of the most sensual dances) for a whole sem, and have us perform it as an exam with one girl wearing a dress and the other girl wearing a coat and tie and how theyre still completely baffled on why almost half of their students are gay

I love how Zohran Mamdani is wearing a suit everywhere. And if he has anything else he puts it ON TOP of the suit. A basketball jersey. A high-vis vest. All worn over the suit. He’s like the mayor character in a cartoon who’s always dressed as The Mayor. If I didn’t know who he was and he biked past me in NYC I’d be like holy shit was that the mayor

god, you take a five minute break and some asshole paints a picture

I bet Jean Baptiste wasn't helping with the washing up or doing the laundry