graduate of clown university

actually i’ve done a lot of work on myself since we last spoke and i wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself and that i hope you die

you want to be mommy’s adjective noun, don’t you, pet name? you want to verb and verb for mommy like a good gender

the more you listen to it, the funnier it gets

Audio: dramatic piano. The husky screams along, vaguely keeping the rhythm but not the tune

wait what did nintendo ds stand for? dick sucking??ewwwww. the dsi? dick suck international??? ewwww

yuo cant say this during plague month

pride month. pharohs curse got me

u heard about this shit?

We are fucked

You have no clue how hard this is going to go

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

reblogging one of my most underrated posts: the dying dog test

I’m gonna make my medical school advisees do this on their application essays too I think.

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

i love that 17th century jewish poltergeist story where the family living in the haunted house calls a catholic priest for help before they contact a rabbi, because yeah, i think that would be my call too; id be like, oh? a demon in my house speaking latin and drawing inverted crosses on my wall in sulfuric bile? then without even questioning my faith i’d call up the catholic church and be like yo father, one of your boys loose come get him

“Look here pal, I know my religion, and this ain’t it. Whatever this guy is, they’re clearly from your version of things. Mind coming over to help fix things up?”