Be Something

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

Free service with no ads: Okay so these guys are stealing my data

For the first time in my tenure on tumblr, it's "THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH?" and not "THAT'S AN OIL PAINTING?"

it's kind of crazy climate change has occurred at such a remarkable pace that I and everyone else around my age can remember a completely different climate in our childhoods. I truly watched winter gradually disappear in my life.

"You're too young to remember this, but there used to be so many insects outside that you would have to clean them off the windshield after a long car ride" is the kind of sentence that would have been in a cheesy scifi short story earlier in my life, perhaps submitted to a literary magazine and accepted to show support for its environmentalist message - now it's something I've said in earnest.

I love being an adult who always puts my hand out to shake when I meet a kid! every single time their face is like "no one does The Adult Greeting Ritual with me, is this a sign of respect or is this man simply unhinged" and then of course as we talk they realise it's both

we all know that beinq introduced as "???" with a black silhouette as sprite feels qood as fuck BUT. you must imaqine beinq introduced as "!?"

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Quick shout out to the Down syndrome kid from my after-school program back when I was in grade school. Like yea he had the usual issues but he was a sweetheart and quite funny; and one day both his parents showed up at the same time to pick him up and I had the experience of meeting a family of genetically disabled people that had jobs and a home and a kid in school and it was a profoundly normalizing experience for me like I couldn’t take eugenicists seriously after that because like “no they totally can have whole entire meaningful lives with marriage and children and work and hobbies have you not met Dennis??” Anyway quick shout out to Dennis you were a real one

this is the single best description i have ever heard for a cat

My boss is making me work even though theres discord channels to read like morning paper?

i will come kill him with my demon blade

Sometimes I worry you like the demon blade more than you like me