CookieSeaStar🎉

Gets detention for correcting the art teacher’s demonstration in front of the entire class… then corrected the correction and repainted the example piece… then cried because the lighting in the classroom was hostile to beauty. He turns detention into a one man tragic performance.

At lunch he has the most beautiful lunch anyone has ever seen. It’s a beautiful bento box with perfectly cut sandwiches and a napkin folded into a swan.

At prom he arrives 3 hours late because he had to make an entrance. His outfit is flawless and makes everyone else look like they got dressed in a dark supply closet. He has glitter, perfume and a corsage that somehow has dramatic lighting. He walks in and the entire room turns. He takes over the dance floor with one impossibly elegant routine that makes the chaperones uncomfortable. Prom King? Obviously he expects it.

At the science fair he basically presents an experiment showing that beautiful things are better. His data supports that because everyone who disagreed was marked as an outlier. He gives a dramatic presentation where he explains that science without beauty is merely organized ugliness.

★  Perturabo ★  The student who does all the group projects alone because everyone else is incompetent then complains that nobody helped. He builds an entire working bridge for physics class while the assignment was  simply to draw a bridge, he gets a 98score  and demands to know where the missing 2 points went.

He gets detention for making the school’s anti bullying poster too aggressive. Perturabo submitted a technically flawless architectural blueprint for a fortress-school where bullying is impossible because all students are monitored, routed through defensive corridors and punished by automated disciplinary turrets. He has already calculated the structural weaknesses of the detention room. He isn’t trying to escape, he just wants everyone to know he could.

At lunch he complains about the cafeteria layout. He has drawn a full redesign of the cafeteria on the back of his napkin and has also calculated which lunch table would survive longest in a food fight… it's his’ because he has already fortified it with backpacks, textbooks and emotional bitterness.

He didn’t want to come to prom but did so anyway because the prom committee’s layout was  insulting. The balloon arch is wrong, the refreshment table creates traffic congestion, the emergency exits are not optimally marked and the dj booth is vulnerable from three angles. Perturabo’s prom outfit is technically well fitted but emotionally hostile, someone says he looks nice and he replies ‘you sound surprised.” 

At the science fair his project is called Load-Bearing Capacity of Educational Structures Under Sustained Siege Conditions. It’s a functioning miniature siege system built to test the structural weaknesses of the school. There is a scaled replica of the school with the principal’s office marked as priority target.

★ Jaghatai ★ Always late but somehow charming enough that teachers let it slide. Never walks in the hallway, only drifts through it at unsafe speeds. Has the best stories from the weekend and refuses to explain where he was. Surprisingly good essays but submitted at 11:59 PM.

Gets detention riding a motorcycle through the hallway (again). He insists it was a culturally significant vehicle of personal freedom. The principal insists it was on fire… Jaghatai says that made it faster. He is now sitting in detention with his feet on the desk, grinning like this is a temporary inconvenience before his next beautiful crime.

At lunch he appears at one end of the cafeteria, steals fries from three trays, says something philosophical about freedom and vanishes before the lunch monitor can stop him. His actual lunch is a burrito he eats one-handed while speed walking through the hall. He is banned from drinking energy drinks but that has never stopped him.

At prom he arrives on a motorcycle. The gym doors burst open, wind somehow happens indoorsand the fog machine surrenders. He is wearing a loose formal jacket, no tie and the energy of someone who will absolutely leave before the slow dances. He dances exactly once with terrifying speed and joy then vanishes with half the cool kids to go get midnight fast food. His prom photo is just a blur and a grin.

At science fair his project is called Aerodynamic Optimization of Student Transit Vehicles. It’s a skateboard with illegal modifications and definitely not approved by the science teacher. The judges ask if he measured velocity and he points to a cracked phone taped to the board showing one blurry speedometer screenshot and several photos of him outrunning school security. For the live demonstration he launches himself across the gym, clears three tables and steals a ribbon from the judge’s hand midair.

★ Russ ★ The loud sports kid who starts food fights, wins dodgeball, gets detention, becomes friends with the detention teacher and calls exams honor duels.

Gets detention for fighting but the real problem is that he claims he was establishing pack hierarchy which is somehow worse.  He is also there because he brought a suspiciously large “emotional support dog” to class. The dog is not registered, it may be a wolf and more literate than he is. Russ spends detention carving RUSS WAS HERE AND SO WERE THE BOYS on the table. The teacher asks him to stop and he replies “make me.” That adds thirty minute to his detention.

At lunch he has the loudest table not simply because there are many people there but because Russ treats lunch like a feast hall. He slams his milk carton on the table and shouts “TO THE DAY’S VICTORIES!” The victories are: Passing gym, not biting anyone before noon and obtaining extra chicken nuggets through intimidation.

At prom he arrives with the boys, loudly announces himself and immediately asks where the meat is. There is no meat, only tiny sandwiches and Russ is offended. He spikes nothing because he is already naturally like that. He dances badly but with total confidence, mostly stomping, spinning and nearly destroying the snack table. He is wearing a suit but the tie is already gone (the wolf has it).

At science fair his project is titled Which School Lunch Meat Produces the Strongest Reaction in a Wolf? “Leman, you were explicitly told not to bring the wolf.” The science teacher says. “He is part of the experiment.” The wolf is wearing a fake student badge and the board is covered in bite marks. The results are very clear but not peer reviewed.

★  Rogal Dorn ★ Perfect attendance, posture and sharpened pencils. His locker is organized like a military supply depot. The teacher asks him to watch the class for five minutes and he establishes a command structure.

Gets detention for failure to participate in safety protocol and refusing to evacuate during a fire drill. The alarm went off and everyone left but Dorn stayed seated because, according to him, the position was defensible.

At lunch he sits perfectly. The food could be a damp beige rectangle labeled entrée and Dorn would consume it because it is assigned nutritional material. His tray is organized with military precision.

At prom he arrives exactly on time with perfect suit and hair. His emotional range? Concrete. He volunteered for prom security because unstructured gatherings require perimeter discipline.He checks wristbands, reinforces the balloon arch and makes sure no one blocks the exits. When the slow dance starts someone asks if he wants to dance he replies “I haven’t been assigned that duty.” Roboute tries to explain that prom is not a military operation and Dorn gestures to the chaos around them. “Clearly.”

At the science fair his project is titled Emergency Shelter Design for Multihazard School Events. It is perfect, boring and indestructible. He built a scale model of a disaster resistant classroom with reinforced walls, optimized exits, supply storage, passive airflow, clear signage and a roof that can withstand impact from reasonable debris.

★ Konrad Curze ★ The unsettling kid who writes essays that make the teacher deeply concerned but are also very well written. He knows everyone’s secrets and appears in classrooms he isn’t enrolled in. The school counselor has a dedicated folder for him.

Gets detention for inappropriate creative writing submission. The prompt was to write about what he did over the weekend and Konrad wrote 23 pages predicting the moral decay of the faculty, the death of innocence and the eventual collapse of the school district (with illustrations).

At lunch he sits under the table.Someone drops a grape and a pale hand reaches out from beneath the bench to retrieve it. The cafeteria goes quiet and Konrad emerges holding the grape like it is evidence in a murder trial. “You waste what others would kill for.”

He isn’t allowed at the prom but is there anyway. The lights flicker during the first slow dance and everyone looks up to see him standing by the stage curtain in a black suit that looks like it was tailored by a funeral home. The DJ refuses to play his song request. He spends the evening predicting which couples will break up by graduation and is correct every time. The photographer accidentally captures him in the background of seventeen different photos, each time closer to the camera.

His science fair project is titled: Predictive Patterns in Juvenile Misconduct and Institutional Failure. There are strings connecting student photos, incident reports, cafeteria seating arrangements, detention logs and future crime predictions. The judges ask where he got those records and he just smiles. The judges ask if he has an experiment and Konrad gestures to the room. He is escorted out.

★ Sanguinius ★ Everyone’s favorite. Beautiful, kind, gets good grades, helps younger students, volunteers at events and somehow makes the school uniform look elegant. Even the bullies apologize when he looks disappointed.

Gets detention by accident. He wasn’t supposed to be there, he walked in to ask if anyone needed emotional support and the teacher assumed he was one of the students because surely nobody that perfect could be real. He stays anyway because he feels bad leaving the others. 

At lunch everyone wants to sit with him. He shares his snacks, listens to everyone’s problems and makes cafeteria pizza feel like a blessed communal meal. The lunch ladies give him extra dessert because he’s such a nice boy.

At prom he arrives and the whole room briefly becomes better lit spiritually and literally. He is tragically beautiful and everyone wants to dance with him. He dances with everyone who asks because he can’t bear to hurt feelings, by the end of the night half the gym is in love, the other half is crying and even the teachers are saying how he’s such a good kid. He wins Prom King by a landslide.

At science fair his project is titled How Light Exposure Affects Plant Growth and Student Mood. He grew plants under different light conditions and also surveyed student mood near each setup. His charts are clean, the conclusion is kind and his plants are thriving. One dead plant revives during his presentation and everyone pretends not to notice.

★  Ferrus ★ Shop class legend, fixes broken desks with frightening efficiency, thinks art class is pointless unless metal is involved. Has no patience for people who do not know how tools work.

Gets detention for destroying school property. The chair broke because he sat down too aggressively so he repaired and improved it…now it’s a reinforced hydraulic battle chair with adjustable lumbar support and possibly a weapon mount.

At lunch he eats like food is a mechanical process. No joy or conversation, merely fuel intake. He brought a protein heavy lunch in a metal container that looks like it could survive a car crash. Ferrus uses a titanium fork he built himself because the school fork bent in his hand once and he never forgave it.

He didn’t want to dress up for prom but Fulgrim made him. The suit is perfect because Fulgrim selected it and Ferrus looks uncomfortable because Ferrus is inside it. He spends most of prom near the sound equipment silently judging the wiring. Fulgrim tries to drag him onto the dance floor and he refuses. “For me?” Fulgrim says. Ferrus stands up with the expression of a man going to war and they dance once, it’s surprisingly good.

★ Angron ★ Hates group work, homework, authority, the bell and the cafeteria line. Somehow very protective of the smaller kids and will absolutely destroy anyone who picks on them.

Gets detention for throwing a desk. He isn’t allowed near furniture now and has to sit on the floor. He is actually not the worst student in detention, he is just the loudest and the one most likely to turn a group project into a casualty report.Someone offers him a stress ball.

At lunch he gets mad at the lunch line because someone cut in front of him. “Use your words” the lunch monitor says. “Move.” The student moved and so did three others so now Angron has two trays because nobody wanted to argue. He sits beside Sanguinius because he is the only person who can say “please don’t throw that” and has a nonzero success rate. Angron hates the cafeteria food but eats all of it anyway.

He didn’t want to go to prom but was dragged there by Sanguinius and Vulkan. He is wearing a suit that looks like it was forced onto him during a natural disaster. He stands by the punch bowl like a bouncer who hates fruit. During one loud song Angron discovers the mosh pit and prom changes forever.

At the science fair his project is titled Stress Response in Objects. The teacher says objects do not have stress responses and Angron replies that they do when he is done. His project consists of different materials tested under pressure and by pressure it means Angron hitting them. The judges ask what his independent variable is. “Me.” he replies. They ask what his dependent variable is. “Suffering.” “Maybe say structural failure.” Sanguinius whispers. “Structural suffering.” Angron repeats.

★  Roboute Guilliman ★ Student council president, treasurer, debate club captain and founder of three school improvement committees. He has a 5 year plan for the cafeteria, his notes are so good other students copy them and he also gets genuinely stressed when people ignore the agenda.

Gets detention for correcting the detention system. He was sent there for arguing with administrative policy but by the time the teacher arrives, he has already created a spreadsheet ranking every detention offense by severity, rehabilitation potential and resource inefficiency. Roboute is sitting upright, hands folded, looking deeply offended that the school’s punishment infrastructure lacks standardization.

Has a balanced lunch and has also created a rotating lunch table schedule to ensure no one is socially excluded. Nobody follows it and this bothers him deeply. He is the only student who reads the nutritional information posted by the cafeteria and ask why the “fresh fruit option” is a suspiciously immortal apple from last week.

He is part of the prom committee and has contingency plans for music failure, snack shortage, emotional breakdowns and balloon related incidents. He is furious because nobody is following the timeline. The DJ started the first slow dance six minutes early, the photo booth line is inefficient and Horus is campaigning near the dessert table in violation of school election neutrality.

His science fair is titled A Statistical Analysis of School Resource Allocation and Its Effect on Student Performance. It has spreadsheets,  charts, interviews, budget estimates and a full appendix. It’s also  the only project that could become a district policy proposal with very little editing. The judges are deeply impressed and deeply tired. “Brilliant work, Roboute.” Horus claps loudly. “Thank you.” He says and then sees Horus smiling at the judges. Now he definitively knows something is wrong and immediately requests clarification on the scoring breakdown despite winning first place for research.

★ Mortarion ★ The kid who refuses to take off his hoodie even in summer. Smells faintly of chemicals and wet earth. Excellent at biology, especially anything involving decay. Sits near the window and mutters about how the air quality in the classroom is unacceptable.

Gets detention for making the science classroom smell like death. He says it was an experiment but the teacher says it violated several health codes. He has a hoodie pulled up, arms crossed radiating moldy resentment.

At lunch he sits at the table nobody else wants because it is near the trash cans but he says he prefers it there. He has a lunch bag that smells like old medicine and damp earth, he unwraps a sandwich that looks like it has survived a plague. He spends the rest of lunch glaring through the steam rising from his soup.

At prom he shows up because attendance was mandatory for seniors. He wears a dark wrinkled suit and looks like he was summoned from under the bleachers. He sits outside near the dumpsters with a paper cup of punch, looking like the ghost of prom disappointment. Some goth kids eventually gather near him and decide he is their king, Mortarion doesn’t object.

At science fair his project is titled Microbial Growth in Common School Environments. His samples are horrifyin, they are from the water fountain nozzle, locker handle, gym mat and cafeteria tray.The petri dishes are alive in ways petri dishes shouldn’t be alive. Mortarion stands behind them in a wrinkled lab coat, looking vindicated. The school nurse shuts down his table but he wins Best Use of Scientific Method after the judges review the photos from a safe distance.

★ Magnus the Red ★ The gifted kid who corrects the teacher and is usually right, which makes everything worse. Reads forbidden books from the library’s locked cabinet, starts a harmless occult club that gets banned within two weeks, his presentations are incredible but somehow cause the projector to explode.

Gets detention for reading ahead. Not one chapter ahead… He read the entire textbook, corrected it, found forbidden supplementary material and accidentally summoned something in the library during lunch. He insists it was purely academic but the librarian is still shaking. Magnus is furious because he believes detention is an antiintellectual institution designed to punish curiosity. “You opened a glowing portal behind the reference section.” The teacher says. “And yet nobody thanked me for expanding access to knowledge” he replies.

At lunch he has three books open, a notebook and a tray he forgot to eat from. He is explaining something extremely complicated to anyone trapped within hearing distance. Russ throws a grape at him and Magnus catches it without looking. He accidentally turns his milk into strawberry milk, it’s the only useful thing he has ever done at lunch.

He treats prom like a cultural rite worthy of academic analysis.He spends twenty minutes explaining the symbolic function of formal dances in adolescent hierarchy. He brought a date but also brought three books because there may be downtime. He attempts to improve the lighting with minor harmless sorcery and the disco ball begins showing visions of possible futures. One couple sees their breakup, a teacher sees retirement and Konrad sees nothing and smiles.

At science fair the teacher told him to make a potato battery but he made a glowing diagram on the floor behind his table. His poster board is unreadable to anyone without three advanced degrees and poor survival instincts. During his demonstration the lights dim, the compass spins, all the baking soda volcanoes erupt at once and one hamster from the biology room briefly begins speaking latin. Magnus insists this is within expected parameters.

★ Horus ★ Popular, charismatic, captain of something, probably everything. Can talk his way out of trouble and into extra credit. Everyone wants him in their group project. Teachers say he has leadership potential which is true and also ominous.

Gets detention for convincing half the school to skip class. He didn’t technically skip, he merely gave a persuasive speech about oppressive scheduling, the dignity of student agency and how lunch should be longer. He is charming in detention, too charming, the teacher starts the hour determined to be strict but by the end Horus has convinced her that maybe the administration is out of touch. He is smiling.

At lunch he has the best table because everyone just naturally started sitting there.He knows what everyone packed, who wants to trade, who hates cafeteria lasagna, who has extra cookies and who can be persuaded into giving up their chocolate milk. He is charming, generous, very dangerous and by the end of lunch he controls the snack economy.

He runs prom. Officially it’s Roboute and the committee but actually Horus runs the prom. He works the room like a born politician. He compliments outfits, mediates drama, makes the DJ play better music and somehow knows who wants to dance with whom before they do. He is nominated for Prom King by half the school, the other half nominates him too after he gives a speech about unity, friendship and ‘the future we deserve.’

At science fair his project is titled Leadership Structures and Group Performance Under Competitive Conditions.  It is a social experiment and everyone else at the science fair was unknowingly part of it. He formed teams of students to help set up the fair then measured motivation, productivity, morale and loyalty under different leadership styles. Somehow his table has the best display even though he personally did very little cutting or gluing. He thanks everyone by name.

★ Lorgar ★ The student who turns every assignment into a deeply emotional manifesto. Writes speeches for student council elections even when he isn’t running. Starts a club with candles and community values, it’s very nice until someone criticizes his sources.

Gets detention for starting a cult in the homeroom. He says it was a student fellowship but the school says chanting around the copier is disruptive.He made inspirational posters, formed a prayer circle and somehow convinced the chess club that the principal is a divine metaphor. He reads his detention essay aloud with tears in his eyes and even the teacher feels moved until she realizes the last paragraph says detention has purified him for greater purpose.

At lunch he starts saying grace loudly for everyone. The school isn’t sure whether this is allowed because technically he is not forcing anyone to join but somehow half the table has bowed their heads and the other half is uncomfortable. His lunchbox has inspirational quotes written on the napkins.

At prom he writes a speech about youth, devotion, shared destiny and the sacred symbolism of the slow dance, the prom committee doesn’t let him give it but he gives it anyway, standing on a chair near the punch bowl. At first people ignore him until they start listening and some people start crying. He requests a song with more transcendence and the dj plays a radio edit of something awful… Lorgar looks personally betrayed by modernity.

At science fair his project is title The Effect of Shared Belief on Group Cohesion. The science teacher approved it because it sounded like psychology, that was the last mistake. Lorgar set up three student groups. Group A received neutral instructions, group B received motivational quotes and group C received a symbol, a chant, matching wristbands and a deeply moving speech about purpose. Group C is now refusing to disband. The counselor is called. Lorgar wins nothing but leaves with twelve new followers and a mailing list.

★ Vulkan ★ The gentle giant everyone trusts. Helps carry heavy boxes, fixes broken chairs, comforts crying freshmen and brings homemade snacks. In shop class he makes something beautiful and indestructible. If he ever gets angry the entire school goes silent.

Gets detention for accidentally setting off the fire alarm. He feels terrible and is absolutely devastated. He has apologized seventeen times and repaired the fire alarm, the teacher can’t stay mad at him. He is the only person who treats detention like community service.

At lunch he has homemade bread, soup in a huge thermos, cookies and little napkins with everyone’s names on them.Nobody knows how he had time to do this before school. He sees Angron staring at his cookies and immediately gives him three. He notices Mortarion sitting alone and gently offers him soup. Vulkan’s table is the safest place in the cafeteria because if anyone starts trouble, he calmly stands up and everyone remembers he is enormous.

At prom he brings spare corsages because someone always forgets. He fixes a broken heel, compliments everyone’s outfit with devastating sincerity, if someone is alone he invites them into the group and if someone is crying in the bathroom he waits respectfully outside with tissues and a tiny cupcake. He dances gently despite being enormous, at the end of the night he helps clean up.

At science fair his project is titled Low Cost Emergency Water Filtration for Community Use. It’s actually good and useful. His display has handmade filters using charcoal and clear instructions written in kind, readable handwriting. Vulkan explains that science should help people survive, live better and take care of each other. He wins Best in Show. Perturabo mutters that humanitarian applications are overvalued and Dorn replies “No, this is actually very structurally sound.” Vulkan beams.

★ Corvus Corax ★ The quiet goth kid who sits on the roof during lunch somehow. His notebook is full of poems about institutional oppression and also a very detailed plan to free the frogs from the biology lab. Impossible to find unless he wants to be found.

Gets detention for skipping class then appeared beside the teacher and said “I was there.” The teacher screamed so now he is in detention but every time she looks at his desk it appears empty.

At lunch he sits at the corner table nobody notices. He has headphones on and is eating quietly. He has somehow avoided every lunch monitor, every conversation and every group project invitation. “Where’s Corvus?” someone asks. “Here.” Everyone screams, he has been there the whole time.

At prom he wears all black and somehow blends into the gym decorations despite the theme having no black decorations at all. He spends most of the night near the exit writing poetry in his phone notes. Someone asks if he wants to dance. He panics internally says he dosen’t dance and then later regrets it for the rest of his life. During the final song he disappears. His prom photo is a chair.. a very atmospheric chair.

At science fair his project is titled Light Pollution and Its Effects on Nocturnal Behavior. Nobody noticed his table for the first hour and that was apparently part of the demonstration. His setup is tucked in the darkest corner of the gym with a small lamp, moth observations, night sky maps and a surprisingly elegant explanation of how artificial light disrupts animals and human sleep.The judges like it once they find it, he wins Best Environmental Science, the certificate is placed on his table…he is gone.

★ Alpharius Omegon ★ Nobody is sure if he is enrolled, sometimes there are two of him, sometimes someone else answers to his name, somehow every rumor in school starts and ends with him. He turns in homework for classes he doesn’tt take. 

Gets detention for cheating. Nobody knows which one cheated and which one is in detention, there are three students claiming to be Alpharius, one is definitely from another class. The detention slip says ALPHARIUS but the student sitting there says that’s not him. The teacher finds an apology essay already written in her own handwriting.

At lunch nobody knows which table he sits at. There is an Alpharius at Horus’s table, one in the lunch line and another working behind the counter wearing a hairnet. By the end of lunch half the cafeteria claims they traded snacks with Alpharius and the other half claims they are Alpharius. The principal checks the camera footage but it has been replaced with a cooking tutorial.

Gets detention for correcting the art teacher’s demonstration in front of the entire class… then corrected the correction and repainted the example piece… then cried because the lighting in the classroom was hostile to beauty. He turns detention into a one man tragic performance.

At lunch he has the most beautiful lunch anyone has ever seen. It’s a beautiful bento box with perfectly cut sandwiches and a napkin folded into a swan.

At prom he arrives 3 hours late because he had to make an entrance. His outfit is flawless and makes everyone else look like they got dressed in a dark supply closet. He has glitter, perfume and a corsage that somehow has dramatic lighting. He walks in and the entire room turns. He takes over the dance floor with one impossibly elegant routine that makes the chaperones uncomfortable. Prom King? Obviously he expects it.

At the science fair he basically presents an experiment showing that beautiful things are better. His data supports that because everyone who disagreed was marked as an outlier. He gives a dramatic presentation where he explains that science without beauty is merely organized ugliness.

★  Perturabo ★  The student who does all the group projects alone because everyone else is incompetent then complains that nobody helped. He builds an entire working bridge for physics class while the assignment was  simply to draw a bridge, he gets a 98score  and demands to know where the missing 2 points went.

He gets detention for making the school’s anti bullying poster too aggressive. Perturabo submitted a technically flawless architectural blueprint for a fortress-school where bullying is impossible because all students are monitored, routed through defensive corridors and punished by automated disciplinary turrets. He has already calculated the structural weaknesses of the detention room. He isn’t trying to escape, he just wants everyone to know he could.

At lunch he complains about the cafeteria layout. He has drawn a full redesign of the cafeteria on the back of his napkin and has also calculated which lunch table would survive longest in a food fight… it's his’ because he has already fortified it with backpacks, textbooks and emotional bitterness.

He didn’t want to come to prom but did so anyway because the prom committee’s layout was  insulting. The balloon arch is wrong, the refreshment table creates traffic congestion, the emergency exits are not optimally marked and the dj booth is vulnerable from three angles. Perturabo’s prom outfit is technically well fitted but emotionally hostile, someone says he looks nice and he replies ‘you sound surprised.” 

At the science fair his project is called Load-Bearing Capacity of Educational Structures Under Sustained Siege Conditions. It’s a functioning miniature siege system built to test the structural weaknesses of the school. There is a scaled replica of the school with the principal’s office marked as priority target.

★ Jaghatai ★ Always late but somehow charming enough that teachers let it slide. Never walks in the hallway, only drifts through it at unsafe speeds. Has the best stories from the weekend and refuses to explain where he was. Surprisingly good essays but submitted at 11:59 PM.

Gets detention riding a motorcycle through the hallway (again). He insists it was a culturally significant vehicle of personal freedom. The principal insists it was on fire… Jaghatai says that made it faster. He is now sitting in detention with his feet on the desk, grinning like this is a temporary inconvenience before his next beautiful crime.

At lunch he appears at one end of the cafeteria, steals fries from three trays, says something philosophical about freedom and vanishes before the lunch monitor can stop him. His actual lunch is a burrito he eats one-handed while speed walking through the hall. He is banned from drinking energy drinks but that has never stopped him.

At prom he arrives on a motorcycle. The gym doors burst open, wind somehow happens indoorsand the fog machine surrenders. He is wearing a loose formal jacket, no tie and the energy of someone who will absolutely leave before the slow dances. He dances exactly once with terrifying speed and joy then vanishes with half the cool kids to go get midnight fast food. His prom photo is just a blur and a grin.

At science fair his project is called Aerodynamic Optimization of Student Transit Vehicles. It’s a skateboard with illegal modifications and definitely not approved by the science teacher. The judges ask if he measured velocity and he points to a cracked phone taped to the board showing one blurry speedometer screenshot and several photos of him outrunning school security. For the live demonstration he launches himself across the gym, clears three tables and steals a ribbon from the judge’s hand midair.

★ Russ ★ The loud sports kid who starts food fights, wins dodgeball, gets detention, becomes friends with the detention teacher and calls exams honor duels.

Gets detention for fighting but the real problem is that he claims he was establishing pack hierarchy which is somehow worse.  He is also there because he brought a suspiciously large “emotional support dog” to class. The dog is not registered, it may be a wolf and more literate than he is. Russ spends detention carving RUSS WAS HERE AND SO WERE THE BOYS on the table. The teacher asks him to stop and he replies “make me.” That adds thirty minute to his detention.

At lunch he has the loudest table not simply because there are many people there but because Russ treats lunch like a feast hall. He slams his milk carton on the table and shouts “TO THE DAY’S VICTORIES!” The victories are: Passing gym, not biting anyone before noon and obtaining extra chicken nuggets through intimidation.

At prom he arrives with the boys, loudly announces himself and immediately asks where the meat is. There is no meat, only tiny sandwiches and Russ is offended. He spikes nothing because he is already naturally like that. He dances badly but with total confidence, mostly stomping, spinning and nearly destroying the snack table. He is wearing a suit but the tie is already gone (the wolf has it).

At science fair his project is titled Which School Lunch Meat Produces the Strongest Reaction in a Wolf? “Leman, you were explicitly told not to bring the wolf.” The science teacher says. “He is part of the experiment.” The wolf is wearing a fake student badge and the board is covered in bite marks. The results are very clear but not peer reviewed.

★  Rogal Dorn ★ Perfect attendance, posture and sharpened pencils. His locker is organized like a military supply depot. The teacher asks him to watch the class for five minutes and he establishes a command structure.

Gets detention for failure to participate in safety protocol and refusing to evacuate during a fire drill. The alarm went off and everyone left but Dorn stayed seated because, according to him, the position was defensible.

At lunch he sits perfectly. The food could be a damp beige rectangle labeled entrée and Dorn would consume it because it is assigned nutritional material. His tray is organized with military precision.

At prom he arrives exactly on time with perfect suit and hair. His emotional range? Concrete. He volunteered for prom security because unstructured gatherings require perimeter discipline.He checks wristbands, reinforces the balloon arch and makes sure no one blocks the exits. When the slow dance starts someone asks if he wants to dance he replies “I haven’t been assigned that duty.” Roboute tries to explain that prom is not a military operation and Dorn gestures to the chaos around them. “Clearly.”

At the science fair his project is titled Emergency Shelter Design for Multihazard School Events. It is perfect, boring and indestructible. He built a scale model of a disaster resistant classroom with reinforced walls, optimized exits, supply storage, passive airflow, clear signage and a roof that can withstand impact from reasonable debris.

★ Konrad Curze ★ The unsettling kid who writes essays that make the teacher deeply concerned but are also very well written. He knows everyone’s secrets and appears in classrooms he isn’t enrolled in. The school counselor has a dedicated folder for him.

Gets detention for inappropriate creative writing submission. The prompt was to write about what he did over the weekend and Konrad wrote 23 pages predicting the moral decay of the faculty, the death of innocence and the eventual collapse of the school district (with illustrations).

At lunch he sits under the table.Someone drops a grape and a pale hand reaches out from beneath the bench to retrieve it. The cafeteria goes quiet and Konrad emerges holding the grape like it is evidence in a murder trial. “You waste what others would kill for.”

He isn’t allowed at the prom but is there anyway. The lights flicker during the first slow dance and everyone looks up to see him standing by the stage curtain in a black suit that looks like it was tailored by a funeral home. The DJ refuses to play his song request. He spends the evening predicting which couples will break up by graduation and is correct every time. The photographer accidentally captures him in the background of seventeen different photos, each time closer to the camera.

His science fair project is titled: Predictive Patterns in Juvenile Misconduct and Institutional Failure. There are strings connecting student photos, incident reports, cafeteria seating arrangements, detention logs and future crime predictions. The judges ask where he got those records and he just smiles. The judges ask if he has an experiment and Konrad gestures to the room. He is escorted out.

★ Sanguinius ★ Everyone’s favorite. Beautiful, kind, gets good grades, helps younger students, volunteers at events and somehow makes the school uniform look elegant. Even the bullies apologize when he looks disappointed.

Gets detention by accident. He wasn’t supposed to be there, he walked in to ask if anyone needed emotional support and the teacher assumed he was one of the students because surely nobody that perfect could be real. He stays anyway because he feels bad leaving the others. 

At lunch everyone wants to sit with him. He shares his snacks, listens to everyone’s problems and makes cafeteria pizza feel like a blessed communal meal. The lunch ladies give him extra dessert because he’s such a nice boy.

At prom he arrives and the whole room briefly becomes better lit spiritually and literally. He is tragically beautiful and everyone wants to dance with him. He dances with everyone who asks because he can’t bear to hurt feelings, by the end of the night half the gym is in love, the other half is crying and even the teachers are saying how he’s such a good kid. He wins Prom King by a landslide.

At science fair his project is titled How Light Exposure Affects Plant Growth and Student Mood. He grew plants under different light conditions and also surveyed student mood near each setup. His charts are clean, the conclusion is kind and his plants are thriving. One dead plant revives during his presentation and everyone pretends not to notice.

★  Ferrus ★ Shop class legend, fixes broken desks with frightening efficiency, thinks art class is pointless unless metal is involved. Has no patience for people who do not know how tools work.

Gets detention for destroying school property. The chair broke because he sat down too aggressively so he repaired and improved it…now it’s a reinforced hydraulic battle chair with adjustable lumbar support and possibly a weapon mount.

At lunch he eats like food is a mechanical process. No joy or conversation, merely fuel intake. He brought a protein heavy lunch in a metal container that looks like it could survive a car crash. Ferrus uses a titanium fork he built himself because the school fork bent in his hand once and he never forgave it.

He didn’t want to dress up for prom but Fulgrim made him. The suit is perfect because Fulgrim selected it and Ferrus looks uncomfortable because Ferrus is inside it. He spends most of prom near the sound equipment silently judging the wiring. Fulgrim tries to drag him onto the dance floor and he refuses. “For me?” Fulgrim says. Ferrus stands up with the expression of a man going to war and they dance once, it’s surprisingly good.

★ Angron ★ Hates group work, homework, authority, the bell and the cafeteria line. Somehow very protective of the smaller kids and will absolutely destroy anyone who picks on them.

Gets detention for throwing a desk. He isn’t allowed near furniture now and has to sit on the floor. He is actually not the worst student in detention, he is just the loudest and the one most likely to turn a group project into a casualty report.Someone offers him a stress ball.

At lunch he gets mad at the lunch line because someone cut in front of him. “Use your words” the lunch monitor says. “Move.” The student moved and so did three others so now Angron has two trays because nobody wanted to argue. He sits beside Sanguinius because he is the only person who can say “please don’t throw that” and has a nonzero success rate. Angron hates the cafeteria food but eats all of it anyway.

He didn’t want to go to prom but was dragged there by Sanguinius and Vulkan. He is wearing a suit that looks like it was forced onto him during a natural disaster. He stands by the punch bowl like a bouncer who hates fruit. During one loud song Angron discovers the mosh pit and prom changes forever.

At the science fair his project is titled Stress Response in Objects. The teacher says objects do not have stress responses and Angron replies that they do when he is done. His project consists of different materials tested under pressure and by pressure it means Angron hitting them. The judges ask what his independent variable is. “Me.” he replies. They ask what his dependent variable is. “Suffering.” “Maybe say structural failure.” Sanguinius whispers. “Structural suffering.” Angron repeats.

★  Roboute Guilliman ★ Student council president, treasurer, debate club captain and founder of three school improvement committees. He has a 5 year plan for the cafeteria, his notes are so good other students copy them and he also gets genuinely stressed when people ignore the agenda.

Gets detention for correcting the detention system. He was sent there for arguing with administrative policy but by the time the teacher arrives, he has already created a spreadsheet ranking every detention offense by severity, rehabilitation potential and resource inefficiency. Roboute is sitting upright, hands folded, looking deeply offended that the school’s punishment infrastructure lacks standardization.

Has a balanced lunch and has also created a rotating lunch table schedule to ensure no one is socially excluded. Nobody follows it and this bothers him deeply. He is the only student who reads the nutritional information posted by the cafeteria and ask why the “fresh fruit option” is a suspiciously immortal apple from last week.

He is part of the prom committee and has contingency plans for music failure, snack shortage, emotional breakdowns and balloon related incidents. He is furious because nobody is following the timeline. The DJ started the first slow dance six minutes early, the photo booth line is inefficient and Horus is campaigning near the dessert table in violation of school election neutrality.

His science fair is titled A Statistical Analysis of School Resource Allocation and Its Effect on Student Performance. It has spreadsheets,  charts, interviews, budget estimates and a full appendix. It’s also  the only project that could become a district policy proposal with very little editing. The judges are deeply impressed and deeply tired. “Brilliant work, Roboute.” Horus claps loudly. “Thank you.” He says and then sees Horus smiling at the judges. Now he definitively knows something is wrong and immediately requests clarification on the scoring breakdown despite winning first place for research.

★ Mortarion ★ The kid who refuses to take off his hoodie even in summer. Smells faintly of chemicals and wet earth. Excellent at biology, especially anything involving decay. Sits near the window and mutters about how the air quality in the classroom is unacceptable.

Gets detention for making the science classroom smell like death. He says it was an experiment but the teacher says it violated several health codes. He has a hoodie pulled up, arms crossed radiating moldy resentment.

At lunch he sits at the table nobody else wants because it is near the trash cans but he says he prefers it there. He has a lunch bag that smells like old medicine and damp earth, he unwraps a sandwich that looks like it has survived a plague. He spends the rest of lunch glaring through the steam rising from his soup.

At prom he shows up because attendance was mandatory for seniors. He wears a dark wrinkled suit and looks like he was summoned from under the bleachers. He sits outside near the dumpsters with a paper cup of punch, looking like the ghost of prom disappointment. Some goth kids eventually gather near him and decide he is their king, Mortarion doesn’t object.

At science fair his project is titled Microbial Growth in Common School Environments. His samples are horrifyin, they are from the water fountain nozzle, locker handle, gym mat and cafeteria tray.The petri dishes are alive in ways petri dishes shouldn’t be alive. Mortarion stands behind them in a wrinkled lab coat, looking vindicated. The school nurse shuts down his table but he wins Best Use of Scientific Method after the judges review the photos from a safe distance.

★ Magnus the Red ★ The gifted kid who corrects the teacher and is usually right, which makes everything worse. Reads forbidden books from the library’s locked cabinet, starts a harmless occult club that gets banned within two weeks, his presentations are incredible but somehow cause the projector to explode.

Gets detention for reading ahead. Not one chapter ahead… He read the entire textbook, corrected it, found forbidden supplementary material and accidentally summoned something in the library during lunch. He insists it was purely academic but the librarian is still shaking. Magnus is furious because he believes detention is an antiintellectual institution designed to punish curiosity. “You opened a glowing portal behind the reference section.” The teacher says. “And yet nobody thanked me for expanding access to knowledge” he replies.

At lunch he has three books open, a notebook and a tray he forgot to eat from. He is explaining something extremely complicated to anyone trapped within hearing distance. Russ throws a grape at him and Magnus catches it without looking. He accidentally turns his milk into strawberry milk, it’s the only useful thing he has ever done at lunch.

He treats prom like a cultural rite worthy of academic analysis.He spends twenty minutes explaining the symbolic function of formal dances in adolescent hierarchy. He brought a date but also brought three books because there may be downtime. He attempts to improve the lighting with minor harmless sorcery and the disco ball begins showing visions of possible futures. One couple sees their breakup, a teacher sees retirement and Konrad sees nothing and smiles.

At science fair the teacher told him to make a potato battery but he made a glowing diagram on the floor behind his table. His poster board is unreadable to anyone without three advanced degrees and poor survival instincts. During his demonstration the lights dim, the compass spins, all the baking soda volcanoes erupt at once and one hamster from the biology room briefly begins speaking latin. Magnus insists this is within expected parameters.

★ Horus ★ Popular, charismatic, captain of something, probably everything. Can talk his way out of trouble and into extra credit. Everyone wants him in their group project. Teachers say he has leadership potential which is true and also ominous.

Gets detention for convincing half the school to skip class. He didn’t technically skip, he merely gave a persuasive speech about oppressive scheduling, the dignity of student agency and how lunch should be longer. He is charming in detention, too charming, the teacher starts the hour determined to be strict but by the end Horus has convinced her that maybe the administration is out of touch. He is smiling.

At lunch he has the best table because everyone just naturally started sitting there.He knows what everyone packed, who wants to trade, who hates cafeteria lasagna, who has extra cookies and who can be persuaded into giving up their chocolate milk. He is charming, generous, very dangerous and by the end of lunch he controls the snack economy.

He runs prom. Officially it’s Roboute and the committee but actually Horus runs the prom. He works the room like a born politician. He compliments outfits, mediates drama, makes the DJ play better music and somehow knows who wants to dance with whom before they do. He is nominated for Prom King by half the school, the other half nominates him too after he gives a speech about unity, friendship and ‘the future we deserve.’

At science fair his project is titled Leadership Structures and Group Performance Under Competitive Conditions.  It is a social experiment and everyone else at the science fair was unknowingly part of it. He formed teams of students to help set up the fair then measured motivation, productivity, morale and loyalty under different leadership styles. Somehow his table has the best display even though he personally did very little cutting or gluing. He thanks everyone by name.

★ Lorgar ★ The student who turns every assignment into a deeply emotional manifesto. Writes speeches for student council elections even when he isn’t running. Starts a club with candles and community values, it’s very nice until someone criticizes his sources.

Gets detention for starting a cult in the homeroom. He says it was a student fellowship but the school says chanting around the copier is disruptive.He made inspirational posters, formed a prayer circle and somehow convinced the chess club that the principal is a divine metaphor. He reads his detention essay aloud with tears in his eyes and even the teacher feels moved until she realizes the last paragraph says detention has purified him for greater purpose.

At lunch he starts saying grace loudly for everyone. The school isn’t sure whether this is allowed because technically he is not forcing anyone to join but somehow half the table has bowed their heads and the other half is uncomfortable. His lunchbox has inspirational quotes written on the napkins.

At prom he writes a speech about youth, devotion, shared destiny and the sacred symbolism of the slow dance, the prom committee doesn’t let him give it but he gives it anyway, standing on a chair near the punch bowl. At first people ignore him until they start listening and some people start crying. He requests a song with more transcendence and the dj plays a radio edit of something awful… Lorgar looks personally betrayed by modernity.

At science fair his project is title The Effect of Shared Belief on Group Cohesion. The science teacher approved it because it sounded like psychology, that was the last mistake. Lorgar set up three student groups. Group A received neutral instructions, group B received motivational quotes and group C received a symbol, a chant, matching wristbands and a deeply moving speech about purpose. Group C is now refusing to disband. The counselor is called. Lorgar wins nothing but leaves with twelve new followers and a mailing list.

★ Vulkan ★ The gentle giant everyone trusts. Helps carry heavy boxes, fixes broken chairs, comforts crying freshmen and brings homemade snacks. In shop class he makes something beautiful and indestructible. If he ever gets angry the entire school goes silent.

Gets detention for accidentally setting off the fire alarm. He feels terrible and is absolutely devastated. He has apologized seventeen times and repaired the fire alarm, the teacher can’t stay mad at him. He is the only person who treats detention like community service.

At lunch he has homemade bread, soup in a huge thermos, cookies and little napkins with everyone’s names on them.Nobody knows how he had time to do this before school. He sees Angron staring at his cookies and immediately gives him three. He notices Mortarion sitting alone and gently offers him soup. Vulkan’s table is the safest place in the cafeteria because if anyone starts trouble, he calmly stands up and everyone remembers he is enormous.

At prom he brings spare corsages because someone always forgets. He fixes a broken heel, compliments everyone’s outfit with devastating sincerity, if someone is alone he invites them into the group and if someone is crying in the bathroom he waits respectfully outside with tissues and a tiny cupcake. He dances gently despite being enormous, at the end of the night he helps clean up.

At science fair his project is titled Low Cost Emergency Water Filtration for Community Use. It’s actually good and useful. His display has handmade filters using charcoal and clear instructions written in kind, readable handwriting. Vulkan explains that science should help people survive, live better and take care of each other. He wins Best in Show. Perturabo mutters that humanitarian applications are overvalued and Dorn replies “No, this is actually very structurally sound.” Vulkan beams.

★ Corvus Corax ★ The quiet goth kid who sits on the roof during lunch somehow. His notebook is full of poems about institutional oppression and also a very detailed plan to free the frogs from the biology lab. Impossible to find unless he wants to be found.

Gets detention for skipping class then appeared beside the teacher and said “I was there.” The teacher screamed so now he is in detention but every time she looks at his desk it appears empty.

At lunch he sits at the corner table nobody notices. He has headphones on and is eating quietly. He has somehow avoided every lunch monitor, every conversation and every group project invitation. “Where’s Corvus?” someone asks. “Here.” Everyone screams, he has been there the whole time.

At prom he wears all black and somehow blends into the gym decorations despite the theme having no black decorations at all. He spends most of the night near the exit writing poetry in his phone notes. Someone asks if he wants to dance. He panics internally says he dosen’t dance and then later regrets it for the rest of his life. During the final song he disappears. His prom photo is a chair.. a very atmospheric chair.

At science fair his project is titled Light Pollution and Its Effects on Nocturnal Behavior. Nobody noticed his table for the first hour and that was apparently part of the demonstration. His setup is tucked in the darkest corner of the gym with a small lamp, moth observations, night sky maps and a surprisingly elegant explanation of how artificial light disrupts animals and human sleep.The judges like it once they find it, he wins Best Environmental Science, the certificate is placed on his table…he is gone.

★ Alpharius Omegon ★ Nobody is sure if he is enrolled, sometimes there are two of him, sometimes someone else answers to his name, somehow every rumor in school starts and ends with him. He turns in homework for classes he doesn’tt take. 

Gets detention for cheating. Nobody knows which one cheated and which one is in detention, there are three students claiming to be Alpharius, one is definitely from another class. The detention slip says ALPHARIUS but the student sitting there says that’s not him. The teacher finds an apology essay already written in her own handwriting.

At lunch nobody knows which table he sits at. There is an Alpharius at Horus’s table, one in the lunch line and another working behind the counter wearing a hairnet. By the end of lunch half the cafeteria claims they traded snacks with Alpharius and the other half claims they are Alpharius. The principal checks the camera footage but it has been replaced with a cooking tutorial.