Uhhhhh hey folks who still follow me and are on here after all these years.
So idk if literally any of you even remember who I am which is perfect honestly but just in case you do, you may remember that I went through a pretty pick-me, internalized misogyny, cringe as hell "anti-SJW" phase back like 8-10 years ago I believe?
Well, first I want to apologize to everyone I hurt while I was going through all of that. There is no excuse. Yes, I was very ill informed at the time, but that doesn't excuse the way I talked about other people.
This is also not an excuse, but rather some pretty big developments in my life over that past 8-10 years. This is something that I am working on gradually being more open about in my daily life.
I've never made it a secret that I'm queer. The specific label has changed, as it does for most people. Right now and for the past several years, I have used the labels of lesbian and gay more than any others
But there have been some more major developments in the past decide or so. Two years ago almost to the day, my therapist asked me if I had ever been evaluated for ADHD. A self screener and 20 minutes later, and I had a referral to a psychiatrist who could actually diagnose me and get me on meds. That was never enough though. I've been doing a bunch more hard work both in and outside of therapy, and I have come to a conclusion.
I am autistic. My parents thought so growing up, a handful of my teachers thought so growing up; hell, looking back, my peers definitely thought so growing up. But no one ever brought me in to get tested. So instead, I grew up thinking that everyone else had it just as hard as I do, but I clearly had some kind of personal or moral failing that meant that I couldn't keep up like they all could.
At a very young age, I internalized that I needed to truly accept and absorb what the majority believed so that I would stick out less. I internalized this so hard that I didn't even consciously think it anymore. I was confused and hurt and upset every time that I could no longer take acting in a way that's counter to what is natural for me and snapped and had to take time out to recover. Although it is no excuse, I realize now that I simply absorbed the harmful phobias and isms that society drills into us and clung to that so as not to be singled out further.
I am actively a more open and accepting person now, and I wish that I had had better support and encouragement throughout my life so that I did not get sucked in by that harmful rhetoric
Thank you to those of you who actually read this!! Please feel free to use any pronouns you would like to refer to me; I have never thought to explore how different ones feel
