inseparable

FiKi Week, Day 4- After the Carrock

The shriek of the eagles fades away, the powerful beating of their wings ruffling your hair. Our saviors, in a sense.

You don't look away from the mountain. I can tell you're entranced, mind already running wild with all of the things you've always wanted to do in our ancestral home. Things I promised I'd do with you— when we huddled under the blanket as little dwarf-lings and you made me swear to discover all of the hidden passages within the Lonely Mountain.

You turn to me, smile wide, dimpled and handsome. Your brown hair looks wilder than usual, all the braids undone.

I chuckle, reaching out— I want to tuck your hair, be gentle. But there's too many eyes, so I hold back and roughly ruffle your hair instead, making it worse. Your shout of outrage is not even half of what it could be. The giddy laugh that follows betrays you.

A moment passes where you are taking the view in silence, but soon the company starts moving, beginning to climb down. You stray towards the back. I follow.

You look at me with your eyebrows up, 'Kind of dramatic for the eagles to leave us here,' you say, lips quirked.

I smirk back, slinging one arm over your shoulders— strong and broad, perfect to lean on. 'How else would we get the dramatic view of Erebor?' I wonder aloud.

You snicker, eyes crinkling shut. Your arm comes around my waist, pulling me closer.

You've been keeping me closer since the giants. I don't question it.

You pull me, and we follow everyone else down the steep cliff. Your arm never moves, not even when Thorin notices.

You crave his approval, I know. Want our uncle to notice you beyond your recklessness. Yet, you meet his eyes head on, tightening your hold on me. The stare doesn't last, your defiance winning.

Your hair flutters, closer to me now— the smell of smoke still lingers heavily. 'You're lucky that stubble you call a beard didn't burn up,' I joke.

You stick your tongue out at me; childish after all. 'Proving my point, brother.'

07/20

Fili was alive- hale and whole and uninjured; Kili made sure.

Running hands over his brother’s body.

Comforting noises came from Fili, as if far away. As if it has been Kili to almost die- and not Fili.

Yelling coming from somewhere- Bilbo something or the other.

But Kili couldn’t concentrate on that.

Only Fili– Fili.

The image of his brother getting further away from him, of the chasm separating them growing wider- in seconds.

Only took seconds.

The stupid stone giants, stealing Kili’s breath as he tried reaching and couldn’t- didn’t. Why had he stepped away? He should’ve stepped closer.

Clung to Fili, died with him.

But Fili hadn’t died- the stone giant crashed but Fili didn’t die. Came back to him.

Yet- there’s a simmering, barely there rage- uncle calling for Kili when Fili...Fili had been the one to die- but not, he didn’t die.

He should…probably have a conversation with Thorin about that, maybe.

But now.

Now though, his focus was only Fili; Fili who was hugging him just as tight. Fili who could’ve died, but didn’t.

Alive.

Fili was alive, and pressed against him as close as two beings could get. Kili wanted closer, but how to get closer? Another thought for another time, maybe.

Important now was Fili breathing, air hitting Kili’s neck where his brother pressed in close. A heartbeat thumping, could be Kili’s, or maybe Fili’s, maybe beating in tandem. Or maybe Kili had really lost it, euphoric. Because Fili was back in his arms.

“Kili, I’m okay.”

With those words spoken against his ear, the silence around him crumbled– the cacophony of the thunderstorm, the dwarves all talking around them. Kili drew a breath in, his lungs rioting against him because he hadn’t been breathing at all. 

“How come we have to watch the ponies? It’s so boring!”

“Because we are the youngest and it would be rude to expect them to watch ponies.”

“Uhhh we are not the youngest. We’re both older–”

“Ori does not count.”

“Wha-! He too does count!”

“Okay, how is he supposed to defend the ponies?”

“...”

“Exactly-! Oof- you’re heavy, Kili!”

“Deal with it. Where am I supposed to lie down? I’m not putting my head on this filthy floor.”

“You spoiled, little-! How is my lap more comfortable? How is this watching ponies?”

“You’re the one that sat down Fili, and you’re softer than the ground too.”

“Missing the comforts of home already, huh?”

“How dare you- your lap doesn’t come close to it, there’s something poking me even.”

“Oh Mahal, what are you doing?! Don’t just turn around and rummage through my belt- it’s a dagger, Kili, please. In a sheath, it can’t stab you.”

“...oh. I thought it was something else.”

“...”

“...”

“...Kili, please. You will drive me to an early grave. Go count the ponies again, we can’t even see them from down here.”

“Fili, you’re so dramatic, you’re the one that….twelve, thirteen, fourteen…”

“Kili?”

“We had how many ponies again?” “...sixteen.”

“How come I only see fourteen?”

“...”

Day 1- Epistolary

Mother, 

As I write this down, we are almost completely packed to head out. I can tell uncle is worried, and has been tenser than usual. Kili wants me to write that he’s been overall snappier as well. Not in those exact words, but I’d rather not  write anything untowards our great uncle, especially if he could find it. I say uncle is worried, but I must confess that I am feeling some worry myself. Not for my own sake, and not for our company either. Kili…as the youngest fighter in the company, he will be the one with the most to prove. Mother, that scares me. I write this with caution, making sure Kili does not look over my shoulder and take it as a challenge. You know, perhaps even better than I, how impulsive and stubborn your son can be. My greatest fear is him not making it back to you. I can only promise I will try my best to reign him in and if not that, then to protect him. I can hear him outside now, whistling to himself as he sorts through our packs. Without a care in the world. Mother, I cannot provide you with any assurances about my safety, but I swear, I would give my life to protect Kili. Please do not be sad. We will see you again when we reclaim the mountain and welcome you home. Until then, know I leave you my love in this letter. 

Fili

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Hi my wonderful birth giver,

I know Fili already wrote you, boringly detailing everything, I am sure. He shooed me away when I tried contributing to it you should reprimand him! But don’t worry, I will keep your eldest safe! Fili thinks he has all the responsibility just because he’s the heir, but I am not the spare for nothing! I cannot wait to go meet our famous burglar, the one Gandalf talked about- oh, Fili just said that you did not know about that, nevermind! Cannot wait to see you at the mountain, to see you back home. I promise I will behave well, like I always do. HAHA- Fili is making that face at me- you know the one he makes, when he looks particularly constipated! Mother, do not worry about us, please. We will be okay, we are mighty Durin warriors and we will not fail this quest. Anyways…this is it for now, we will try to write more on the way to the Sh…the uh place! Where Gandalf is!

Love you,