Linane's Creative Works

FiKi Week 2026 - Day 7 - 10 Years Months Later

Fili tried his best to not look at his watch and focus on the report he was supposed to be reviewing for work. Or at the door. Or at his phone, which would mock him not only by telling him what the time was, but also that there were no new messages from his brother.

Not his brother. Just… Kili. Fili was trying his best to de-sibling himself for months now. If you went to the trouble of buying yourself a whole new identity (again), you might as well make sure that you and your brother (whom you happened to be banging) ended up with different surnames.

And so, they were now just another charming gay couple, living their best lives in a small flat, in the anonymity of the Big Smoke, and, like all charming couples, having their little lovers’ tiffs’ from time to time.

Except they were going to have quite a big lovers’ tiff tonight, if Kili didn’t turn up in the next five minutes and with the groceries. More of a row, really. Fili was starving.

How long could a half an hour commute from Kili’s university campus and a spot of shopping in the supermarket at the end of the road possibly take?! It was hardly a fucking Quest now, was it?!

FiKi Week 2026 - Day 6 - Preparing for Battle

“I’m not dying a virgin.”

Fili blinked up at his brother and very slowly put away the Intratec TEC-9 he was trying to clean and restore into functionality. The SMAUG Corp guys they had evicted were absolutely appalling at keeping their weapons in good nick.

“Kili, you’re not going to die,” he said neutrally, choosing to focus on the easier part of that statement to deal with. “Nobody is going to die.”

“Mhm. And that’s why you sent that text to mum last night where you were saying that everything is absolutely hanky-dory and how much you love her.”

Damn it, Fili had totally forgotten that Kili had cloned his phone.

“I’ve got the lube,” Kili announced to the room at large and strode purposefully towards his bed. “Well, not the lube as such, but I found some butter.”

“I am not fucking you with some butter.”

“Ah, so you are fucking me, then?”

“I didn’t say that.”

FiKi Week 2026 - Day 5 - Lost in Mirkwood

It was the fumes. That was Fili’s official excuse and he was going to die sticking to it.

Fumes were the reason why for the last three days he’d been holding hands with Kili, as they stumbled through this godforsaken stretch of the forest with no roads, no paths, no end in sight, and no signal. Because uncle Thorin decided that they should go back to hiking, clearly failing to draw any meaningful conclusions from the last time they had tried that. And because his famous sense of direction was now in charge, ever since Google Maps stopped working.

Fili had had some pointed questions to ask about this on the very first day, when they passed through an area positively dotted with warning signs, quite a few of them sporting a skull. But Thorin knew better: this was a shortcut, that would get them to the Lonely Mountain in no time, making up the time they had lost last time they had gotten lost.

Then the fumes started and Fili’s hands started wandering.

FiKi Week 2026 - Day 4 - Staying with Beorn

There was a jar of honey.

Truthfully, there was more than a dozen jars in the pantry that Fili was discreetly ransacking, so surely, nobody was going to miss one.

He peered around at the neatly arranged rows of various other preserves, jams and pickles and felt a little stab of uncertainty, as his ‘nobody’s counting once you get to that many’ theory wobbled slightly in the face of the perfect organisation.

He spared a quick glance back towards the main, well, hall, of the house, where the rest of their party were just making themselves at home, and grabbed his loot. Swiping a spoon off the cluttered table he passed on his way to find less crowded premises was a doodle.

Fili would die before he admitted it, but he had a terrible sweet tooth.

Besides, he figured he deserved his honey: over the course of the last few days he’d been kidnapped, stripped of his weapons, shot at, threatened to be eaten, subjected to some truly horrendous amateur rap music, shot at, forced to parachute out of a light aircraft, shot at, and parted from most of the new weapons he’d acquired, as he ran for his life, in yet another course of being shot at.

FiKi Week 2026 - Day 3 - After Stone Giants

Any other sensible party would have just caught a flight. A smarter group might have simply driven across.

But no. “Do you want them to know we’re coming?!” asked Thorin, and the mad glint in his eyes stopped anyone arguing.

So instead, they were hiking. Having left the last homely home, (the Rivendell hostel – aged buildings, new-fangled vegan food and a truly bizarre love of its owners for everything Art Noveau), they basically bought up the entire contents of a tiny mountaineering shop next door, and up the trail they went.

“It will be a shortcut,” Thorin said. “Three days tops,” he insisted.

Truthfully, Fili didn’t mind nearly as much as he made it appear. Kili and him grew up in the Blue Mountains, raised traversing their ridges and peaks with their mother, who was keen on an outdoors-y type of upbringing, instead of the reliable-wifi-and-constantly-getting-into-trouble kind that the boys would have preferred. It was kind of nice to have Kili at his side again, expertly tying off ropes, wordlessly getting the fire started and instinctively picking out exactly the same paths that Fili’s own feet would have picked out.

The same could not be said for the rest of their party: lawyers, accountants, doctors, chefs, house decorators and bare-knuckle-fighters among them were getting much more adventure than they signed up for.

And that was before the weather broke down all around them, on day five.