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@smolsaltypan
This tweet read me to filth

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Moved my turtle back into his tub after filling it with the hose. Couldn't find him with my flashlight and I gotta buy an extension chord+surgery protector to make my fuckass setup worse anyway fingies crossed the creature is still in its enclosure because once he ended up in the other turtle we had's tub? No idea how
PIDW! Ning YingYing tearfully giving a recount of how Shen Qingqiu treated her and knowing how its going to be twisted. She had grown up sheltered and naive, and before the trial, she had almost believed what the people around her were whispering in her ear, maybe Shen Qingqiu really was secretly the monster that everyone else believed him to be. Shizun looked, composed, for someone who had been locked in the Water Prision for months, dignified even. When she stepped up on the stand, for a singular moment, she gathered the courage to look her Shizun in the eyes. Inperceptable to no one else, he gave a small nod, acceptance on his face. Ning YingYing grew up in that singular moment. She had tried to ignore the writing on the wall for weeks now, but Cang Qiong Mountain Sect wouldn't survive Luo Binghe's wrath. That nod was permission, to do exactly what Shen Jiu would want her to do: save herself from the slaughter. And then Ning Ying Ying grows up some more, bitter and resentful of the constant harem politics, and her cute little shidi, who she can no longer see any resemblance to. She takes to wearing only Qing Jing green, and swipe fans that Luo Binghe had taken as trophies. Her sweetness is a weapon, but these fools forget who raised her. One day, after a particularly venomous court meeting, she snaps her fan open, and Luo Binghe flinches
"Get up," Wu Yanzi snapped and kicked him in the ribs.
Shen Jiu was up immediately. "What's -"
happening?, he started to ask before Wu Yanzi shushed him and dragged him into the woods.
Well apparently the remaining servants from Qiu Manor aren't about to show up and kill them both. Why were they traipsing through the woods though?
He was collecting himself to ask again when they arrived.
There's a massive shiny black box jutting out of the ground. It's easily as big as a house but Shen Jiu somehow knew instinctively that it wasn't a building at all.
Wu Yanzi lead him around to the back of the strange black box- where there was a jagged hole in the shiny black material.
"There's something in there," Wu Yanzi said. "I can sense it- go see what it is!"
Shen Jiu obeyed, he was too tired to argue. He crawled into the hole. It was a tight fit, too tight for Wu Yanzi, but Shen Jiu was able to pull himself through the weird black material. From the outside it had looked like lacquered wood but inside there wasn't a grain, more like it was a metal or stone...
There's a glow ahead- and suddenly Shen Jiu was spilling out onto the floor of a strange room.
The whole room was a soft glowing grey, like the sky before dawn. It's cold in the room and the only features besides the crack he fell out of are a bright blue panel on the opposite wall, and words above it in black that say 'You must earn your ending'.
He approached the panel and recognized words on the glowing panel.
[BREACH IN NARRATIVE CONGRUITY DETECTED] it said. Below that were two rectangles containing more words. One said RESTART and the other said EDIT.
Were they switches? He prodded the closes one to see if it was raised-
"Edit Mode Activated!" a cheerful woman's voice said. "Identifying User..."
"Bing! User Identified!
Name: Shen Jiu (Qingqiu)
Role: Minor Antagonist (Scum Villain)
Fate: Dies Alone.
What would you like to edit?"
Dies alone. Shen Jiu felt his eyes water and rubbed at them furiously. So what? Even if this voice was telling the truth what of it? He knew he was a vicious unlovable thing, of course he'd die alone. Who would want him?
"What would you like to edit?" the voice repeated.
"What can I change?" he asked.
"All access editing currently available as protagonist has yet to arrive."
He didn't know what some of that meant but he got the idea. He could change almost everything.
"I-" his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "I want to be safe, and I want to be happy, and I want to be loved."
[RECALCULATING....] the screen said.
"Please note," the voice said. "Some plot points are unavoidable. Nothing can be guaranteed. You must earn your ending."
There was a musical chime.
"One route found!"
Shen Jiu reached out and pressed the rectangle that said USE.
A red box popped up. [ROUTE REQUIRES REWRITE OF PAST DATA- PROCEED?]
How would you rewrite the past? ...It didn't matter. He pressed YES.
The blue screen dimmed until it nearly matched the other walls, numbers appeared on the screen in bright blue, counting down.
"Initializing..." the woman said.
His own skin was glowing, he realized. The light was gradually getting brighter and brighter.
"Past Rewrite Beginning. This Will Hurt."
"Wha-"
The light ripped him in two.
He was beside himself watching his past living his past again, but different this time.
He and Qi-ge begged at a corner he and Qi-ge and didi begged at a corner. The two the three of them curled up together to sleep.
It all happened again with a twin who was always by his side. Who never left even when the worst happened.
Didi kicked Qiu Jianluo when he grabbed Shen Jiu and the older man put Didi in a headlock as he dragged them both over to the slavers.
It all happened to him them. He gripped didi's hand so tight his nails cut into his hand leaving little bleeding marks. Didi hid his face in Shen Jiu's hair so he didn't have to watch.
Qiu Jianluo knew Shen Jiu would fold easier if he hurt didi- but this time he was mad, so mad. He didn't stop kicking didi even when Shen Jiu begged. When he jumped the older man he threw Shen Jiu back into a wall and kept hitting didi.
The sword clattered to the ground beside him...
He woke up flat on his back in that strange gray room.
"Rewrite Complete! Narrative Integration Complete! Congruity Restored!"
Shen Jiu turned his head and met his twin brother's eyes.
"Shen Yuan," he said.
"Shen Jiu," his twin replied.
"You didn't exist before now."
Shen Yuan shook his head. "I did but I wasn't here. I still remember it. Being not here. Being here."
"Me too." Shen Jiu said. He reached out and took his twin's hand.
Shen Yuan squeezed his fingers. "Will everyone remember both?" he asked.
"No," Shen Jiu said. "I think just us. I think everyone else will just remember you always being here."
They sat up and Shen Yuan leaned against him. He still had two black eyes and other fading bruises from where Qiu Jianluo had attacked him the final time.
They pressed their forehead together for the first time, like that had nearly every day of their lives.
"I don't know how this fixes anything though," Shen Yuan frowned.
You must earn your ending, the wall said.
"I do," Shen Jiu said. He hugged Shen Yuan close. "You make me so happy."
Shen Yuan grinned at him. "Well good. I suppose we'll have to figure out the rest."
Shen Jiu nodded. "I think we need to kill Wu Yanzi."
Shen Yuan sputtered. "I mean you're right gege, but it couldn't wait until we finish the hug?"

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Pidw where sy and xf of course become sqq and sqh, biggest difference being my favorite flavor of au where it's more obvious sqh is this world's creator god and sy gets special blorbo privilege and is also a god anyway. When they're in their powers or reveal times sqh's hands glow gold and sqq's eyes do the same.
Kataang eyes!!
Do yall think waterbender eyes would change based on the kind of place they came from? Or any bender for that matter. Greener for swamps, or places with a lot of algae, like if the environment wasnt balanced? Eyes so light they near blend in with the rest for icy areas like the main water tribes in the show? Orange-y brown for Mesa type, coffee with tons of cream for sand. The more polluted a city is the darker the air bender's eyes...
Ohhhohoho, I just had a Thought.
Let's assume that sword spirits in SVSSS are something like Bleach. Ideally, you get a perfectly blank sword out of the sword wall, and it'll be a perfect match for your current physically abilities, but also grow with you to stay in that "perfect for you" range. At the same time, it starts off with a spirit inside that's little more than a blank paper doll, but as you work with it and grow and really make the sword your own, it starts to- for lack of better words- become you. Or, maybe become like you? For example, when a disciple finally takes on a sword, they'd eventually see it come to adopt a similar physical appearance to themselves. At the same time, the thing in that disciple's heart that they hold most important and dear becomes that Swords defining feature- owner values family, sword values family. Owner values strength, sword values strength.
Their personalities, however, can sometimes widely range. Say the disciple in the example is a calm, pleasant person, but they (and their sword) values...idk, perfection. Their sword could also be perfectly calm, but pleasant might be out the window in favor of demanding, well, perfection. Mastery without flaws, even in themselves. In this way, Swords can sometimes be exactly like their wielders, or sometimes completely different.
(For a more close to home example, in PIDW, Ning Yingying’s sword could be described as her greatest critic; often frustrated and angry when spoken to. Ning Yingying’s naivety and constant accidental trouble making for the people around her likely greatly irritated her sword, who could plainly see in a third party view where things were going wrong, but could not get Yingying to listen or change- and in PIDW their relationship either likely never improved, or did so too late.)
In PIDW, Shen Yuan noted that, once Luo Binghe received Zheng Yang, the sword very quickly took on both Binghe's personality and appearance. He theorized this was because Binghe, despite everything, was blatantly himself, never once losing sight of the things he valued even as everyone else treated him terribly, and since Binghe and his sword both appreciated kindness and were never cruel to each other, they quickly forged a strong bond. (Shen Yuan would later quote a scene often in the comment section about how, when Zheng Yang was confronted with his owner's mixed heritage, the sword didn't so much as flinch, saying that his wielder was his wielder to Binghe's face, and that he would have no other. Shen Yuan would cite it as one of Airplane's best written moments, finally giving Binghe someone who loves and cares for him genuinely. When Zheng Yang is taken from him, Shen Yuan probably screams. Like, outloud.)
Shen Yuan would also note that, from what little hints they were given throughout the narrative, this was maybe not the case for Shen Qingqiu and Xiu Ya. Details were scarce, but theories abound that even Xiu Ya couldn't stand that man's ass.
When Shen Yuan Becomes Shen Qingqiu, this theory is thrown out the window. The reality of the matter is, when Shen Jiu pulled Xiu Ya from the sword wall, his values were simple: Survive.
In PIDW, it was often noted that in moments Xiu Ya was mentioned, it was often just a short sentence that read, "Xiu Ya rattled in its sheath." Well, it turns out Xiu Ya was rattling because it was constantly trying to get Shen Jiu to stop sabotaging himself! And now, here in this world, Shen Yuan has to deal with an angry, depressed sword who's just lost its original owner forever.
Even Shen Yuan's weird divorce from reality can't withstand the power of a sentient Sword's grief. It leads to changes- specifically, changes in how Shen Yuan sees the world. Gone is that brief mindset of everything being a book! Now there is only the terrible bleak reality that he, Shen Yuan, is now in charge of so many children and the fate of the world, basically.
Also a traumatized sword who demands he take care of things proactively and NOT die at the hands of system, thank you very much.
(Oh yeah, Xiu Ya knows about the system. Kinda hard not to. They get into arguments all the time. Shen Yuan would laugh, but considering they often argue about things that would lead to his eventual, painful pickle pot death- well. It's less funny.)
Even to System, it's a bit surprising how quickly Xiu Ya latches onto Shen Yuan. For a sword confronted with a whole new person replacing his original wielder, Xiu Ya gets over his anger rather quickly. Shen Yuan knows Xiu Ya would well be in its rights to resent him and simply seal itself in its sheath forever, but instead, it switches over to hyperviligence very soon after the Skinner Mission.
What Shen Yuan doesn't know is that, despite how outwardly different they are, Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are remarkably similar in Xiu Ya's eyes. Both are intelligent, both are constantly afraid, and most importantly, both want to survive. The only difference it sees is that of Flight vs Fight, and their odd attitude towards one half-demon child.
This is it's second chance. Xiu Ya will not lose another wielder.
After the IAC and the Endless Abyss, Shen Yuan gathers up Zheng Yang's shards and has it reforged. He plans to make a sword mound, but...he just can't help himself. Xiu Ya calls him foolishly sentimental, but he has to know. He has to see if Zheng Yang- and thus the last of his white lotus- is really gone. He sends out a thread of qi into the blade.
...
......
He sighs and pulls away. It was a long shot anyway- but Xiu Ya stops him. Tells him to try again. He argues that it's pointless, but Xiu Ya is insistent.
He tries again.
...
......
.........
"Like I said, there's nothing-"
There! A response!
He nearly drops the blade. Xiu Ya is smug in its sheath. Zheng Yang- it's not gone!
The next year is dedicated to the younger blade's care. It grows back it's strength slowly, and though Xiu Ya is standoffish at first, it soon becomes just as involved in the other blade's care as Shen Yuan himself. (Perhaps Xiu Ya was adapting too well to him.)
Zheng Yang-
Well. There comes a point where Zheng Yang becomes aware again. At first it refuses to speak directly to Shen Yuan, not out of malice or anger, but out of propriety. Swords do not speak through words, they speak through qi connections; and since forging that connection is deeply personal, speaking to Shen Yuan directly....well.
That changes once it realizes Binghe is gone. Or, perhaps more correctly stated, *Xiu Ya* changes that once Zheng Yang realizes Binghe is gone.
It's not entirely unusual for a cultivator to take up two sword spirits and their corresponding blades at once. There is, in fact, precident for it, despite what Shen Yuan may think. Xiu Ya just neglects to tell him that such things are usually the result of a cultivator losing someone close to them; usually close family, but more tragically, a dear person most beloved. Like, say, oh, I don't know...a lover? [Smug sword emoji]
Why did Xiu Ya encourage this? Because over the year of helping care for it, Xiu Ya gained a soft spot for Zheng Yang. It could sympathize with the younger blade's plight, and if anyone could understand the ache of a bond broken, it's Xiu Ya. So, why not take out two birds with one stone? Zheng Yang needs a new wielder, and Shen Yuan desperately needs his white lotus to keep him going. (Besides, unlike PIDW Zhang Yang, this version of the sword was made from Binghe's love for his Shizun. If Shen Yuan can't be his new wielder, then who else could possibly take Binghe's place? No one. No one at all.)
Shen Yuan thinks this is a terrible idea, but once they all meet in a dreamscape and he sees Zheng Yang's pleading eyes in person, he caves. Those are Binghe's eyes, after all.
Still, he can't help himself. He asks Zheng Yang if it really wants to bond with a man who threw his disciple into the Abyss; but Zheng Yang is no fool. Xiu Ya has told it of System, has spoken of Shen Yuan's true identity and his plight, and his terrible regret and guilt for not being able to stop it. Zheng Yang is also Binghe in all but name, formed from Luo Binghe’s determination and dedication to this very man. Shen Yuan can try to sabotage himself all he wants, but Zheng Yang will not allow this beloved, silly man to deny himself what they both want.
Thus, Shen Yuan becomes known as the Dual Wielding Widow of Qing Jing Peak.
Sits on your dash

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there are sounds that only bald people can hear
Finally. Normal porn is back on this website.
The Japanese Mini Truck Garden Contest is a Whole New Genre in Landscaping
OMG LOOK AT ALL THAT MOSS!
Sorry. Lost control of myself for a moment. This is super cool. Very artistic gardening within an incredibly small space.

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So do you think the small town girl living in a lonely world ever tried gay stuff with the uptown girl living in her uptown world