wait what.

the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

LOL but seriously release the hounds

you are fifteen thousand generations removed from stone tools

to be clear you are fifteen thousand generations removed from the invention of stone tools. not from the end of stone tools. modern humans are still using stone tools.

I thought you meant we were descendents -of- stone tools

your father was a handaxe and your mother smelt of microliths

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours

One of the machines broke down at the hyperbole factory. The situation is frustrating, but ultimately manageable.

It just started working again! This is the best day ever!

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

my favorite coworker told me the scenario she thinks of to fall asleep is she stumbles upon a baby sheep and has to raise it and it grows up and she has to shear it and she says she envisions shearing it so carefully that she always falls asleep at that part

being made by vitro fertilisation (IVF) is so funny. my parent didn't have sex, my parents conducted an experiment with a scientist. my humble beginnings can be traced to a petri dish. some person i dont know clocked in to work and then just made me. i was made in a lab and i didn't even get any cool powers or anything. im just a girl that has to work 9 to 5

a tag mentioned how likely it is for ivf to produce twins and it reminded me of the fact that i ate my twin in the womb. so maybe my secret power is eating people

Cuntrapposto.

Cuntrapusso