I am the world's tiniest barbarian

Only then will I be truly happy with the film.

I have a pattern for scrap fabric owls that take about 5 odd mins to make on a sewing machine. (and a pile of scrap fabric and stuffing) Office addresses are public. I am more than willing to make over 360 owls, write a form letter, and keep making/sending them.

Match the diagonal lines up, stitch ‘em together, flip them the right way round, fold the top over, stitch that in place, stuff it, and sew the bottom up Completed, they kinda look like this:

I have a pattern for scrap fabric owls that take about 5 odd mins to make on a sewing machine. (and a pile of scrap fabric and stuffing) Office addresses are public. I am more than willing to make over 360 owls, write a form letter, and keep making/sending them.

Match the diagonal lines up, stitch ‘em together, flip them the right way round, fold the top over, stitch that in place, stuff it, and sew the bottom up Completed, they kinda look like this:

Disclaimers:  I don’t actually play 40K I just follow it for the trashfire of the Lore and whatever is happening in the Art. Further disclaimers: I’m bad at math and have never once organized an event for more than 10 people.

So I remember a while back there was a Cardgame (I want to say Legend of the 5 Rings?) that did Lore in an interesting way:  They’d hold a tournament of thier most elite players, and then determine the new Lore by the results and dramatics that happened during the tournament.  Did a lesser-known faction have a stunning upset? They’re major players now.  Canon character die during the game? They’re dead in Canon now.  People were HYPE, the drama was INTENSE.

So lately I see a lot of grumbling about “Xenos factions not getting a fair shake” this and “oh god not the ultramarines AGAIN” that and “So uh.  when’s it going to be M42 already?” those.  So i feel like GW could do with some Spicing Up of Canon, and since they already have buttloads of players and even tournaments already, my idea is this:

The torunament starts locally, at your nearest GW shop.  Players compete to become the Best in their area, and to qualify for the INTERNATIONAL TOURNAMENT.   I’m gonna say that the top… eh, 50? players are selected in this fashion, with a few ringers added in to play factions GW wants to do something with (there’s… a lot of factions*), and everyone travels to the UK for the Minatures Showdown.

*some additional ringers might be brought in if like, in the chaos of the local tournaments, no Kroot qualified for the international games, then GW can send in a Kroot Ringer.   Also: More than one player of the same faction? Cool! They have the potential to end up fighting eachother, which is excellent Drama.   Also Also: As the tournament progresses, you can add in higher-level ringers: near the end of the tournament, you can try invading the imperial palace or maybe actually killing one of the gods!

At the INTERNATIONAL TOURNAMENT there will be 2-3 days before hand where the players get to meet the writing/art/marketing staff and THEN SHENANIGANS:

-Every player is given, let’s say 5 “Secret Alliance” cards.   -So lets say a T’au player and a Harelquin player hit it off and think they have compatible armies, they can fill out each other’s Secret Alliance cards, and call over a writer to come up with a narrative in-universe reason WHY they’d have an alliance. -Role-Playing at the table is HEAVILY ENCOURAGED -Later in the tournament, T’au are getting whopped by a Chaos legion?  They can play thier alliance card and HONK HONK IT’S THE CLOWN CAR FROM HELL here to help out thier buddies as the Harlequins deploy onto the table. -Now, once your ally is on the table you can fight along side them… OR BETRAY THEM TO YOUR OPPONENT WITH WHOM YOU ALSO HAVE A SECRET ALLIANCE.   -THAT’S RIGHT -STACK ALLIANCES AND COUNTER-ALLIANCES -CAUSE MAJOR ALIGNMENT SHIFTS WITH CANON CHARACTERS IF YOU CAN MAKE THEM A GOOD ENOUGH OFFER -DAEMON PRIMARCH RETURNS TO THE FORCES OF MAN! -A KROOT EATS NURGLE! -TRYANIDS JOIN THE GREATER GOOD!!

A writer not being on one of those “don’t touch with a ten-foot-pole” lists doesn’t guarantee that they’re right about everything. Read carefully, and read widely, not just in your tradition! 

Not even just within paganism! Read science! Read–don’t take willy-nilly, but read–from other faiths! Read about logic and how rhetoric functions! 

Read about medicine, and for the love of all the gods, don’t take medical advice, including mental health advice, from anybody who hasn’t been properly trained, especially if you’re putting materials in your body (herbs are drugs, charcoal absorbs everything, essential oils SHOULD NOT BE INGESTED)! FIND OUT WHAT PROPER TRAINING LOOKS LIKE! 

"The big... Cleaner. In that room."

"The washing machine?"