don't be such a nervous hoolelia

wlw sangcheng.

‘peeking’, 2018, woven & embroidered yarn, 1′x1′

There’s this little flash game online from way way back, Pooh Baseball. 

It starts off innocently enough as a nice little baseball minigame, but soon spirals out of control. No, it’s not doing creepypasta shit, but it’s just the difficulty ramps up. IT RAMPS UP HARD. It starts off with just introducing curve balls and stuff like that, but then people start cheating. For instance, Tigger can do physics-obliterating zig-zag balls, and the owl’s ones would disappear in mid-air. It was severely difficult, and when 4chan’s /v/ got a hold of this, any incredulousness towards the game soon evaporated. I guarantee that any little kids back in the day probably gave up quickly, but the people from /v/, battlehardened from Dark Souls, Touhou, Wario Ware and all sorts of reflex-driven games, took it upon themselves to try and beat it. 

But then people from /v/ perservered and managed to push on and finally take on the final pitcher - Christopher Robin. 

And they discovered the true depths of hell. 

See, Chris is a cheating motherfucker. There is no other way to describe him. He took notes from every other pitcher (Or devoured all their souls to gain their power, depending on how memey you want to go with this), and can use every one of the tricks that the other pitchers can. 

AND HE CAN COMBINE THEM. 

This resulted in stuff like dissappearing zigzag balls and speed-changing screwballs. It was borderline impossible to beat him. 

I should stress: The people playing this were from /v/. There were men who could go toe-to-toe with Gwyn with no armour and come out on top. There were some who could take on Remillia Scarlet and escape without a hit. There were people who could get through Oblivion with never levelling up.

And they almost all fell against this child and his celestial pitching arm. 

And the memes began to flow.  

I’ve played it myself, and got up to 6. 

BERREL- The Storage Pokemon: It sniffs out berries to hoard for the winter months. Rather than guarding them for itself, however, it will bring injured or starving Pokemon to its stash to share.

CERBERNARD - The Rescue Pokemon: Its heads take turns sleeping so it can constantly patrol its mountain territory for lost or injured travelers and guide them to safety.

I’ve had this Fakemon in my brain for about a decade and it makes me mad it’s not real