One Smart Chicken

“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

if anyone ever tells you “humans are just selfish / life is cruel / that’s just how the world is, get over it” be critical of them bc there’s a 75% chance they’re just using that as an excuse for their own shitty behavior so that they don’t have to put an effort into being better, kinder people

that’s very generous, no one else brings me big trees

the ocean once brought me a skinned deer. and then the skin a couple days later. on behalf of my scarred younger self, i would like to express a strong preference for trees

“Like hell I’m letting myself get cucked by possums”

if you’re a baby gay and this is your first pride, watch your drinks! men are trash across all sexualities

Also: Rohypnol (a date rape drug) tastes VERY SALTY. If your drink is suddenly salty, STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY. 

Buddy system, y'all. If your friend is acting *way* drunker than they should, take them to an Urgent Care or ER. Date rape drugs can kill you.

always rb

rb for the advice

don’t rely on taste, ppl could dissolve all kinds of drugs into ur drink so don’t accept drinks from anyone unless u see it made by the bartender in front of u and keep ur drink in your sight, if u have to leave it then gulp it down or throw it away

Pride season is coming up so please stay safe!!

Ive never played dnd before but if I ever get to be a dm I’m going to present it as a serious game the first 2 or 3 sessions no funny sounding names no nothing its all high fantasy and serious before completely shattering it in the worst way possible

explain

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE POWER MOVE

one time i went to a work event with my dad and he was talking about some celebrity and one of the other guys there was like “i have no idea how you know all this stuff, i’m too old for this” and dad was like, “oh, you know, i’ve got teenagers” in a very ‘they force me to watch their garbage’ sort of way at which point i realized dad had been using me as a smokescreen for his love of mtv for years

when i was younger he would always let me bring my gameboy along to keep me entertained and then he would ask what i was up to in enough detail to establish that he had a basic understanding of pokemon, in order to establish dominance over the other, non-pokemon-understanding parents

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

Rare blue watermelon

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

soap makes water molecules smaller

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

The two way mirror

“listen here, cumslut.”

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

You can lead a horse to Evanescence but you can’t bring him to life

A Statistics teacher in Gotham makes a graph comparing times when Bruce Wayne goes on long vacations with times Batman gets beaten up really badly by villains to illustrate to his class how correlation does not equal causation.

Imagine Dick Greyson as a uni student in that lecture, loosing his goddamn mind.

This can be reblogged, if anyone was wondering. I wrote up this post with the intention that hopefully people who read it and didn’t really get triggers would understand a bit.

So, a thing that’s particularly important here: The trigger here is not the bad experience itself.

Every time I see this I just quietly message it to a selection of people who are Never Grateful Enough

@abookofcreatures

;~;

big mood

I can’t get over this

me screaming in another plane of existence