If it hits, I sits.
Therapy was good today. The goals are to find âglimmers' ' in life. Those are those little things that make you happy, bring you joy and you know make it feel like life is worth living. Itâs been a really long time since I have stopped and allowed myself to really feel. Itâs coming out as grief for me. I am grieving the person who I once was, the people who I have missed out having different relationships with because I was too scared to have that come between me and my successes. When I think about things I have missed out on, I think about the times when my family and friends have passed away and I stayed at work.. Because âwhat else am I going to do?Gohome and think about it?â. Thatâs happened more times than I can count, which to me is wild. I have convinced myself that if I just work harder, the feelings canât hit me. THey canât get me and I wonât be uncomfortable.Â
Itâs funny how each day that goes by I learn a little bit more about myself. I currently have green nails, and I NEVER get the coloured nails. I was trying something that I always wanted to do, a crazy colour but was afraid of everyone judging me for it at work. You know when you see the old ladies on cash and they have bright pink nails. I didnât think that was going to make people respect me. But, now that I have them I honestly donât even like them. Now that I have tried it on, I realize that itâs not me. My take away from that is that I cannot be someone else to try to escape this experience. I need to go through it as I am.












