#coffeelove

As I lay here in my bed, and wonder about how, again, I am here. It's 4:00 am and I cannot for the life of me get my mind to just relax. Truthfully, I know why I cannot just shut down and let the feelings go. I'm anxious for tomorrow.. Well today. I made plans with some people and now the time has come for me to participate with those plans. I lie here with my eyes pressed so tightly closed, and my jaw is literally breaking my back molars from the pressure I am holding there.

I'm only 33, I shouldn't be feeling this way? Or should I? The more I wonder about how I got here, the more I wonder about how much longer I actually have here, in this moment but in overall life as well.

I mustered up the courage to send the text for the "let down". If I give them a heads up it will soften the blow and maybe once I'm done with that my mind will be at ease.

The amount of scenarios I made up in my head of how this text would be taken... Would I be called first thing when they wake up and see it? Because, I really don't want that to happen. Or,maybe I just gave them a reason to be "actually" mad at me?? Honestly, that's a whole other story on its' own. With nothing left to care with as my brain continued to be turned into mush from lack of sleep. I sent it. About 10 minutes later, there was a reply that said how it was no issue, hope I get some sleep, all is well.