#blogilates

Things that I think 

How crazy it is that I am here

How i feel like i shouldn’t be feeling this way when I have it all 

When will I know what the plan is long term?

Am i meant to be in one place at all times?

Do I actually love my life?

Song: Evermore - Taylor Swift 

Weather - Sunny 10 Degrees 

Date - Early April 2024

Screaming coming from the window outside. It’s normal, like an everyday thing but while I no longer sleep at what would be considered normal it’s not welcomed by me. It’s the crazy thing about living down here, you never know if the screams are from a homeless person,sorry unhoused. Or if it’s coming from again, what people would consider a normal person. It’s very diverse, down here and sometimes the people you least expect who are causing the ruckus around the neighborhood. 

It’s finally a sunny day after a week long of rain and fog. Thing I have realized in the past 2 weeks, is that I am greatly affected emotionally by the weather (which is why I think I need to leave at all times), and also that I have no idea who I am. I wonder if the two are correlated. I wonder if I should stop smoking weed because my Mother would tell me it’s the drugs talking. 

I guess I was hoping that if I gave myself the time to slow down and actually breathe it would calm me down enough that I would see this is all a big misunderstanding and I am completely insane so therefore in other people’s eyes I am “normal”. Which, now thinking about it makes me wonder if that is what this is all about. Me and my adventure to try to be perceived as “normal”.