sleep talk

i don’t bet on losing dogs i bet on winning dogs. they’re just having a bad day. i’m sure they’ll win next time

there's a common belief that artists know how to make art. this is untrue. i've yet to meet a single artist who has any idea what they're doing

What the doctor hears when he puts the stethoscope up to my chest

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well

I know everyone will be saying this but ormund did a really good job with this kid’s bleach and tone like his talents might be wasted commanding an army

Need some fables AESOP

thanks for making time for an interview for this managerial role overseeing the microsoft 365 team. what really stood out to us about you - and what rocketed you to the top of our list - was that part in your cover letter where you described yourself as a “sick fuck” who “would stop at nothing to see the microsoft 365 suite of products reduced to a functionless, pale imitation of their 2007-era predecessors” and that the user should “toil fruitlessly as they navigate a completely bewildering interface while being forced to ruminate on how they own nothing and instead rent increasingly expensive useless vapor.” when would you be available to start?

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

POPPING BOTTLES IN THE ICE!!!!!!! LIKE A BLIZZARD!!!!!!! WHEN WE DRINK WE DO IT RIGHT GETTING SLIZZARD!!!!!!!!!!