Overwhelmed. There’s so much for me to do this weekend and even just today and I’m not sure how I’ll be able to accomplish it all. I’ve been praying for strength and I hope to be diligent in all I have to do.
Bible Plan: Wisdom in Dating
(I’ve fallen pretty hard for a guy in my church and I’m trying so hard not to get delusional, obsessed, or jealous and I have definitely made improvements from my last interest but it’s still a struggle every day that I have to pray over so to avoid him becoming an idol for me. In the meantime, I’m trying to gather as much wisdom and advice as I can!)
How Do We Deal With Different?
Anyone you date is going to be different from you. They’ll likely have some interests you don’t share and some opinions you might not see eye to eye on. And that’s good news! Why? Because differences can help us discover so much about ourselves and the kind of person we want to spend our life with. But how different is too different?
What are your dealbreakers? You know, the things that would instantly shut down your dating relationship? Maybe it’s a differing worldview or some other strongly held belief you can’t get on board with. Or maybe they have a bunch of pet tarantulas, and you’re not willing to be a spider-stepparent.
Dealbreakers are healthy, and we should all have a few. They’re healthy boundaries to help us avoid potential disasters. But they can hold us back. Why? Because it’s possible to have a few too many dealbreakers.
How Selective Should We Be?
We want to have high standards, but how do we know when our standards are too high? The answer is different for everyone. But there are risks at both extremes:
If our standards are too low, we might risk missing red flags, resulting in an unhealthy relationship.
If we set the bar too high, we might sabotage what could otherwise have been a healthy and fruitful relationship.
So what’s the answer? Well, Scripture doesn’t give us an exhaustive list of how to find just the right person. Instead, it offers us wisdom to help us see what matters most.
Can I Date Someone Who Doesn’t Follow Jesus?
God has called us to live differently from the people around us by embracing forgiveness, grace, generosity, and sacrifice. It’s a beautiful and life-giving journey–and it’s even better when you get to share it with someone else who’s pursuing the same high calling. You get to spur each other on in faith, helping each other get closer to God rather than drifting away. So doesn’t it make sense to choose someone to date who shares your desire to be more like Jesus?
What Are Some Other Dealbreakers?
Your values, goals, and personality all play a role in choosing who to date. That means everyone’s list of dealbreakers will look different. So consider what kind of person you want to date, and what factors might get in the way of a healthy long-term relationship. But avoid making the list too long. After all, differences aren’t always bad. In fact, they can be healthy.
God created you with a unique calling, personality, and passion. So what qualities and values in a future partner might complement and amplify those gifts from God?
Challenge: Consider some of your dealbreakers. They should reflect your deeply held values. But remember, keep the list short. This can help you focus on the most important things.
fully committed to Christ (this is in a sense a no brainer! but I want a man who consistently has his quiet times, prays frequently, leads bible studies, serves in the church, shares his faith, and is just an all around good example of a disciple and good leader)
dating to marry (he doesn’t just want to be married and have a wife, but he desires to be a biblical husband.)
wants a family/children (in that same vein, he should be good with children, kind, compassionate, have that fatherly instinct)
higher education (I’m on the last year of my degree and plan to continue on my education in grad school. I want us to be equals in the intellectual sphere so he should have at least a bachelor’s)
Prefer for us to have the same political views (I need someone who shares the same morals and values I do and a lot of that is revealed in politics - even though I really dislike following politics. I just want him well informed but also wise in his choices)
This may be silly but he has to like dogs and cats (I have two cats and a dog and there is absolutely no way I’m ever giving them up. They’re like children to me and I need a partner who equally shares my love for them.)
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”
It can be difficult, especially when you’re physically attracted to someone, to put to death lust and desire. I know that I’ve been struggling a bit more with it lately thinking about him but I have to consistently correct myself over it!
God does not at all want us to be in sin, especially if I’m lusting over another disciple. Also, it negates love on my side, I’m not doing that brother or myself any favors by having this desire for him!
Anyways, this is such a solid reminder that we must rid ourselves of all of this since we have been made new in Christ!!
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”
THAT PART! I truly don’t understand how you can identify with being Christian and yet be with someone who doesn’t share those same fundamental beliefs that you revolve your entire life around. It doesn’t make sense to me, you should want to desire to be with someone who is godly and righteous and pursues God more than they pursue you!
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
This is not just a good reasons for dating a Christian but also for fellowshipping with other believers! We hold each other accountable and we help each other improve in our walks with God. You should want a partner who is going to sharpen you and encourage you in your relationship and desire to have God be at the center of it all!
