god's silliest creature

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

I don’t automatically assume that masc gay men are trying to look straight and neither should you. Let’s compare a lumberjack bear to, say, a 2012-style metrosexual hipster. The lumberjack bear is more masculine but still looks, to the cultured eye, more gay. I follow this leather daddy on Instagram who, in addition to posting photoshoots of himself in chaps, will post Spotify links to his favorite kpop girl groups and pics of his autumnal arts and crafts projects. This is not a contradiction or a “gotcha” when you realize that leather is not necessarily a face-value boast of one’s masculinity but its own nuanced form of gender fuckery. Gay men are operating on levels straight people will never understand.

Reminds me of that dumb tweet that was like "you call him daddy but his friends call him sis" as like a gotcha. The idea that femininity degrades masculinity or vice versa is deeply heterosexual and has no place here

WAIT WHAT

I mean, if someone wrote that to me, I’d probably believe they were sick.

“Slutantions” has me crying laughing

THE SUBJECT LINE IS THE BEST PART JSJFJSJDJS JUST IMAGINE GETTING AN EMAIL WITH NO CONTEXT OTHER THAN “OW”

As someone who has taught college, please send those emails because 1) We WILL believe that; no one would write that on purpose and 2) we need a laugh sometimes.

On the other side of this, once after getting taken to the ER by ambulance, I got an email from the professor whose class I’d passed out in, and the message had no text, just the subject line “you good?”

Reblogging for the last addition

I laugh myself hoarse every time this post comes around, so here it is again.

Encounter with an eldritch being but he just is so fucking excited to see you.

i’m crossing the street and i get hit by a tesla on self-drive. off goes the yuppie, hit-and-run. lady saw it happen and she’s trying to keep it together, getting someone to call paramedics and keeping me talking, but the writing’s on the wall folks, i’m fucked. so i say to the lady, i say “listen. the optimal vessel for enjoying hot soup is a mug, not a bowl.” she’s looking at me like i’m insane but i explain, i say “a bowl, especially a flat one, has more surface area for the soup to cool off. your soup gets cold too fast in a bowl, especially a flat one. you want a mug. soup stays hot the whole time and you can actually enjoy it how it was meant to be enjoyed.” she’s nodding, tears in her eyes, she knows it’s coming now. but there’s something else comin she don’t know. we both get hit by the second tesla