Vintage Time Machine

looks like october is…. octover

i’m queueing this for next year

Its nowvember

Nothing like going to bed. Yay I get blanket time!

Nothing sadder than wake up time. What do you mean I need to leave the kingdom of warms?

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

every other animal probably finds humans so corny with the this is what it means to be human shit. a warthog who rolls around in the mud isn't thinking truly i alone understand that this is the meaning all warthogs before me have tried to find in their lives. she's thinking this luxurious mud bath really hit the spot for me. maybe i'll drink water at some point this week or maybe i won't because i can actually go months without it which is a really neat fact about us warthogs. but she isn't making a whole fuss about it

Starting a new sports team called the Tampa Bay Trespassers and they play any sport that they can break onto the field of

saw a post saying that New Yorkers force their kids to learn to play the recorder in school because they’re secretly looking for one that will be able to solve their rat problem. I can’t stop thinking about it

European herring gull (Larus argentatus)

if we just breed one really huge cow we could just shave steaks off of it for probably 100 years before it got hurt or died

we should breed trillions of micro cows and eat them like sunflower seeds and they all feel pain and die