In 1994, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," was an official U.S. military policy
This policy was put in place so that LGBTQ+ Marines could serve in the military as long as they didn't "advertise" it and if it wasn't investigated.
What the fuck does this have to do with a Croatian show for teens? Walk with me.
The word Lovro uses specifically when talking to Vito is, "personality". How could he possibly be gay if he doesn't wear make up or loudly talk about boys? He's not flamboyant. He's not the type to kiss a boy in public. How could he be gay?
Personalities are enduring traits that are relatively stable over time; they make a person unique. But personalities change. They change around different crowds of people; they even change over time as experiences compound. Being gay is not something that can be changed. We see a lot of people (bigots) warn queer people, "don't make being gay your entire personality," or "You can be gay, just don't do it around me"
When they say this, they're talking about that flamboyance, that loud pride parade, and rainbow colours. Why is it that queer people should be careful to not let it "define" them? This is erasure. Being gay is only palatable if it isn't gender non-conforming. If it isn't proud. If it is, then it's only normal that it be met with violence. Why are you reminding them of your existence?
To Lovro, what's the use of accepting this part of himself or telling other people, when he isn't in a queer relationship? As long as people don't ask, he won't tell. He can continue to hide for much longer.
You see, before the U.S. military policy was instated, a Marine could face charges for being queer. This policy was supposed to be progressive -- they were doing queer Marines a favour.
To bring it back to a larger context, queer people in their day to day accept the bare minimum tolerance. Family members who don't kick you out after you come out, but they never mention your queerness again; they become visibly uncomfortable when talking about your partners. Because if they squint hard enough, they can side-step the gay stuff. Erase it.
"There might not even be a next time"
In Rebecca Kelly's novel Greta & Valdin, Valdin tells Greta, "Being queer is . . . it’s in yourself, it doesn’t always have to do with other people."
Lovro should tell someone. Not because he's in a relationship with Ivan, but because it has to do with him. It is not his personality, not something he can tweak.
Thank you for reading all the way through.
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