This kind of "you can have it all and be free" media was and still is seen as the pinnacle of feminism and empowerment in a lot of ways, but I also know and have dated a lotttt of men in that same position. they have thriving careers, they own a house, they are hot, they are fit, they are intelligent, they see their lives and their bodies as a project to perfect so that the partner can slide right in and be wholly comfortable. but the issue with this is that no one wants a perfect partner regardless of what they say.

no one wants to be with someone where they feel as if they are simply 1 missing puzzle piece in their life. we are messy, we want mess, we want to fight, we want to see reason to improve. and ive dated too many men where they are so perfect that their lives almost lack the soul that accompanies mess. they are giving, and loving, and I could just slide right in and share their life but I want to co create a life. I think this is a big reason why I feel so trapped by many men I date. they're all a little too good and they dont realize I probably would have liked the version of them that was working their ass off to achieve all of this a bit more than the version of them that simply has it.

I desire, a lot! But the idea of someone else also either intimidates or disgusts me.

Transparently this year was the first time I’ve held hands with a guy since 7th grade (I found out it was a dare). It’s a really complicated thing, desire. I desire a lot too. I crave the safety of someone’s affection that’s exclusive to me and despite how many times I get hurt I can’t keep myself from doing it all over again. Its intimidating! Dating is hard! Sometimes I get those feelings of disgust too. Don’t take it literally! It’s your bodies way of physically embodying the emotional discomfort of something new. If you’re looking to broaden your perspective on dating… a Tumblr mutual wrote a really great piece on Substack that reopened my third eye.