Whale Dings

The Shell CEO has this lever on their desk at all times

I think Katy Perry’s music is the opposite of enjoyable but sometimes I listen to the simlish cover of last Friday night and I almost throw up laughing every time

I had to edit this post because I accidentally said teenage dream instead of last Friday night but then I remembered “last frooby noop” and laughed so hard i choked on my own spit

I can’t believe Smelly Cat got a gen Z cover

it all belongs to her

Watched luca. The gay allegory is PALPATINE

school uniforms shouldn’t be mandatory

IF they are mandatory, they MUST be free. In this way, everyone has the same quality of clothing and no one “looks poor”. If the idea behind uniforms is to make everyone the same and stop clothing based conflict, the uniforms have to be free, it’s the only way to justify them.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is a True Jedi.  Not because he’s mastered himself and his emotions or anything (though, that, too) but because he’s a giant fucking nerd who wants to study literal brain worms and gets mad when Anakin stomps them to death and he probably thinks the height of a Saturday night is a grammar argument with another Jedi Master about some obscure text philosophizing on the Force.  This is the only metric by which a True Jedi can be measured, I will accept nothing else.

i am afraid that my first thought was omg sans is a loki variant and i shall politely go sit in a corner

I want you to know that this theory is the most terrifying and funniest god damn thing I have ever read

Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.

• has started hostile warfare with the shop across from us because they’re homophobic to the sweetest barista there who came out as lesbian, so he lets her hang out with us on all her breaks and also hung up pride flags in direct view of them and overall does his best to undermine them in any way possible

your boss sounds awesome

his name is Luigi which makes this 100% funnier