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I don’t like being correct

Jesus also spent Christmas in a barn full of animals

not my circus however the monkeys appear to be holding me hostage

not my circus but i bought a ticket and now the monkeys are holding the audience members at gunpoint???

It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, weird or stupid. You matter.

what happens if im all 3?

All three??

Really?

"God never gives you more than you can handle" is survivorship bias. People who got more than they could handle are dead.

Oh, dear. I can't reblog that fast enough.

People on tumblr loooove to talk about restorative justice and abolition when it’s a nebulous concept. It’s lovely to think about someone growing and changing and trying to reckon with the harm they caused but when some people actually see that person, they can’t handle it. God forbid someone says “I did something awful and I don’t want people to hurt others the way I did.” Do you just expect every shitty person to magically disappear from the earth? Do you want them to pretend it never happened?

"Summon ketamine ape is a banned spell" fuck it fine whatever, I summon a normal gorilla. I summon some ketamine.

Thats not true Nefarious Anglerfish

Owning a black cat is awesome because you’ll leave the bathroom and The Shape will be waiting for you

You see I too often sat in school classes and thought “when am I ever going to need this, I’m never going to be an engineer, I’m never gonna be a scientist, I’m never gonna be a linguist” and then I grew up and it turns out a lot of bigots and cults and scams and grifts hinge their entire business model on you just. Not knowing what a protein is or some shit

One time a guy tried to sell me some “hand-made opal jewelry made local” and was trying to charge like triple reasonable prices and I was like “oh that’s really pretty is it mined locally too or what” and he was like “yes my cousin works in an opal mine eight miles from here it’s how I can get you such a great deal, family discount right?” and I was like oh okay cool so you’re full of shit then. Because it was very clearly opalite, not opal, which is a synthetic man-made gemstone mostly made of glass and does not come out of the ground

@evilwizard

the tormented spectre’s Polygon article was really informative

[Fictional character who is worse than me in every way] save me

slogans for the upcoming orc election