pixel skylines
ojovivo
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
h
occasionally subtle
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
tannertan36
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
YOU ARE THE REASON
RMH
Interview Vampire Daily
sheepfilms
★
blake kathryn
macklin celebrini has autism
Cosimo Galluzzi
noise dept.
NASA
seen from Switzerland
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Italy
seen from Canada
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from Thailand
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Israel
seen from Iraq
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
@sidequestobserver
For a city to be walkable. It must also be sittable.
#every time I read this phrase the same thing happens#I read it as shittable and go wait that can't be right#oh right they were talking about public benches that makes more sense#but public bathrooms available without fees should also be a thing tho#cities should definitely be shittable#it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME
it must also be shittable
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
close-up of a whale's eye, captured by photographer Rachel Moore.
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“
“Cave Johnson here. If you’re experiencing a time loop in which you’re repeating the month of June over and over, that’s totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled “Time Machine” in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop you’re on. Don’t worry about the baby’s identity, he grows up to be an asshole.“
“Cave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so we’ll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, don’t stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors haven’t been tested on human eyes yet.”
“Cave Johnson here, Cave Johnson queer. Get used to it.”
“Cave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am her “beard”. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.”
“Cave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and we’ll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. I’m thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’m afraid we’ll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But we’re starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.”
“Cave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that ‘a disaster in the making’ but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.”
Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! That’s a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.”
“Cave Johnson here. I won’t tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and we’re ought to respect that. We’re also ought to shoot them on sight since they’re extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.”
“Cave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly I’m flattered. Unfortunately for you, I don’t swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.”
“Cave Johnson here. I’ve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? I’ll talk to the lab boys about it.”
“Cave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though let’s be honest, they probably had it coming.”
“Cave Johnson here. For the last time! “I’m reclaiming the slur” is not a valid excuse to shout out loud the killer androids’ activation codes! We picked that word for a reason.“
“Cave Johnson here. I’d like to apologize to Floor 194 Safety Supervisor Doug Blakely for firing him after allegations that he was forcing employees back in the closet. I was not aware that said closet was a literal storage closet for zombified Aperture employees. To make it up to Doug, he’ll be allowed to feed Floor 194 HR Manager Lisa Briant to the closet zombies if he so chooses.”
”Cave Johnson here. A reminder that next year Transgender Day of Visibility falls on Extradimensional Day of Visibility. The lab boys are cautioning me to caution you to be prepared. Do not confuse transgender and transdimensional! Big mistake.“
“Cave Johnson here. To all cishet Aperture employees who volunteered for the ‘Get More Woke’ program, please report to your department’s OR at the nearest convenience to get the alarm clocks surgically removed from your spinal cord. Aperture Science apologizes for the misunderstanding.”
“Cave Johnson here. Dr. Barnaby from Cyborg Engineering is an attack helicopter. That’s not a transphobic joke, by the way, they literally transformed themselves into an amalgam of human and helicopter. Impressive. Unauthorized, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, we lost track of them, so everyone watch the sky for a mad scientist with blue rotors and machine guns.”
“Cave Johnson here. To the joker who added ‘make the sun gay’ to our quarterly agenda, I hope you’re pleased with yourself. The Astrophysics Department is tearing itself apart with half of them shouting that you can’t make the sun gay and the other half screaming that the sun is already gay. Either way, we’re not doing it.”
“Cave Johnson here. The congressional delegation of Senator Patrick Johnson (no relation) to inspect our facilities had to be cut short due to a mishap with the Gender Affirmation Beam. I’d like to apologize on behalf of Aperture Science to Senator Johnson and her staff.”
“Cave Johnson here. Just the other day, our sign guy asked me ‘Cave, don’t you think LGBTQIA2S+ is a tad too long?’ and I told him ‘First of all, that’s Mr. Johnson to you! And secondly, I actually think it’s not long enough!’ and that’s why I’m adding an ’&’ to the acronym. Don’t know what it stands for yet, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Cave Johnson here. You already know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about gender affirming care. We’ve been at the forefront of hormone replacement therapy since before we knew what these hormones do. You also know that here in Aperture Science we’re all about not getting sued. So everyone be quiet about our role in the Estrogen Cola disaster.”
“Cave Johnson here. So far, we received 832 submissions to our Homophobia Remover design competition. Unfortunately, 829 had to be disqualified for being a schematic of a gun. Objectively hilarious, but not what we’re looking for. Wait, the lab boys just got another submission: and… it’s another gun. Keep at it, folks.”
“Cave Johnson here. Using a set of genetically identical triplets and a molecular combinizer, we just proved scientifically that being bisexual isn’t the same as being half-straight and half-gay. Now we just need to figure out how to separate Craigstopher back into his component brothers.”
Concept: Depressing dystopian factory where everything is gray and samey and the workers are called by their employee numbers by an ominous deep voice.
But it's a really great place to work with high salaries, excellent benefits, and a flexible working schedule with plenty of paid leave. They just like the dystopian aesthetic.
PA system: Worker 72094. Leave your working station and report to the Supervisor immediately.
Supervisor: Worker 72094. You failed to meet your quota for 3 weeks in a row now.
Worker 72094: I can explain!
Supervisor: You're clearly burned out. I heard you moved recently. Take a mandatory two weeks paid vacation to readjust and report to me then.
Worker 72094: I... thank you?
Shadowy Board Member: Worker 11335. Do you know why you were summoned?
Worker 11335: Is it because I badmouthed the company during lunch?
Shadowy Board Member: That is correct. We are very displeased, Worker 11335...
Shadowy Board Member: ...with ourselves, that is. We hold ourselves to high standards of excellence which we clearly failed to meet. We were hoping you could advise us on necessary improvements. You will receive appropriate compensation, of course.
Job Interviewer: *wearing a featureless mask and speaking through a voice changer* Welcome to Hopeless Inc., Worker 100100.
Worker 100100: What's with the mask?
Job Interviewer: I'm shy 🤭
Of course. All Hopeless Inc. employees are due-paying members of Mindless Drones United.
It's a very responsive union that cares about its members on an individual level. They just love the dystopian hivemind aesthetic.
They're actually a Super Evil Corporation, but like, they want to rule the world for generations to come, which requires sustainability (can't rule for generations if the planet dies before the first generation is old,) efficiency (workers are at their most efficient when they have plenty of rest, good pay and benefits, and reasonable work schedule,) and Quality (people will eventually stop buying products if they aren't made with quality and good ingredients.)
They want to rule the world, but ruling the world is hard. Somebody then suggests the brilliant idea of "exploiting" their workers' knowledge, expertise, and insight.
They'll elevate whoever the workers decide to positions of power to supplement the board's workload.
To save the hassle of a costly internal power struggle, they'll even let the workers choose the leader's successor in some sort of election.
The fools will be none the wiser!
Citations could be so awesome without copyright. Imagine just being able to click on a footnote and it takes you to the exact section of another book being quoted. Imagine how much that would do for stemming misinformation.
I wish
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
drawing from life the old fashioned way
eastern cicada killer - sphecius speciosus
characters whose sexuality is "i'm under way too much stress to figure that shit out rn"
character whose gender is "im probably nonbinary but im on a quest so idrc about that rn"
Itchy snoot.
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT IS BROKEN:(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
HE DIRT BROKEN :(
after much deliberation I have completed a simple task that took me less than 10 minutes, and I'm happy to report that this time it only cost me about 3 days of dread
I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
relay racing is "here, you take this leek"
Bowling is where you are so disgusted with the coconut in your hand and with the jugs of milk at the other end of the room that you strike a figure skating pose to kill them both
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
relay racing is "here, you take this leek"
Swimming is "I need to be elsewhere in soup"
Track: "I love running in circles, mostly with enemies, sometimes with 3 friends"
Field: "I hate running, but I might jump"
Race walk: "These hips don't lie, these knees don't bend"
Shot-put is "what if throwing cannon balls was a sport?"
Alt shot-put: "slide to the left, one hop this time, criss-cross, toss real smooth"
Alt shot-put: "I AM the cannon. Bombs away."
Hammer is "what if I had my own personal wrecking ball?"
Alt hammer: "spinny spin spin bombs further away"
Alt hammer: "I'll prove I don't get dizzy, watch this" (figure skating has entered the chat)
Javelin is "fuck this stick in particular"
Discus is "sending this plate back to the kitchen"
Hockey: "let's put on some knife boots and whack at a biscuit on ice and only protect the top half of our faces"
Under-water hockey: "let's put on some fins and whack at a biscuit at the bottom of the pool and try not to drown too badly"
Under-water rugby: "just try to take this salt-water filled ball from my cold, wet fingers"
I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
Football is everybody causing bodily harm to one another over a large almond
volleyball is TAKE THE FUCKING CANTALOUPE ALREADY smashes it at your floor (but you’re also trying to smash it on MY floor)
#ah someone said it already
I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
relay racing is "here, you take this leek"
Shot put is "I must hurl this coconut as far away from me as physically possible
Volleyball is I must propel this honeydew at the other team at high speeds so they can’t give it back
Giant laser robot (it/its) girl says trans rights.
A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.
#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus
I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious
A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)
Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.
I couldn't get these two and their dynamic out of my head, @gallusrostromegalus I doodled them (guessed on their collars)
OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]
Everything is so rushed. People in their twenties complaining about being old, sped up songs, sped up videos, too many things to do in such a short time. We have lost the art of lingering.
As a teacher let me tell you, it shows in our children right now. They are stressed. And they expect everything to be fast fast fast.
It didn't use to be like this.
