Shower time reminders

Thank you for sharing! And yeah, it really depends person to person and what you are also able to manage. I pretty much think as long as you're on more or less a regular schedule and doing your best, that's more than good enough. To a certain extent, your body will also adjust to how often it's being washed.

Showering is always one of those things I try to encourage people who are majorly depressed though. And if they can, to do, because I always felt it really helped how I felt when I was at my most depressed. And it was always something that managed to give me a little uplift bc washing the grime off my body felt a little bit like washing away the dirt in my heart, mind, and soul. At least I scrubbed the dirt of the day off and that wasn't weighing me down.

😁

i'm doing my nightly routines and decided some of these could help my trans and/or enby friends out!

1) if your gender is fluid, try doing a more "deep clean" shower when it more closely agrees with your agab, or when you feel less dysphoria. this way you don't feel quite as bad if you can't get yourself fully clean on a bad day!

2) use a loofah or even a washcloth to avoid touching Dysphoric Parts™ and therefore reminding yourself of them (chest, hips, thighs, etc)

3) this one's pretty popular, but try showering with the lights off! if you're like me and can't bc you don't want to fall and die, try your best not to look down

4) use a yummy smelling soap, whether it be a masculine scent or just a good one! makes showers a lot easier for me at least

5) reward yourself! after completing a Task that made you Dysphoric™, like showering or many other hygienes, give yourself a lil cookie as a reward! or any other treats/games that make happy brain juices

congration, you done it! good job i'm proud of all of you!

And I just realized you can buy a really nice one from Ikea. This is the link for Ikea Canada, but see if you can get it where you are! I love that this doesn't scream medical device and just looks like a nice chair for your shower/tub.

...when you're too dysphoric to.

Personally, I struggle with showering on my bad days since this body doesn't quite match what's up top you know? I'm a big guy too, over 6' and more than 200 lbs. So showering in of itself tends to be an event every time. I had issues growing up and stumbled around on the internet enough to get comfortable in this. So without further ado, lets begin. How do you shower...

... when I can't stand seeing myself?

First, we gotta figure out the boundaries of "seeing myself." When you look in the mirror, can you stand there and feel confident? Is it cause you're not wearing your preferred clothing? Is it cause you can't stand seeing the wrong reflection? Next, stand where your reflection can't be seen. Now look at yourself. Can you stand seeing your hands? Your outline, your belly, your legs? Is it the finer details of your body your can't stand, or is it the greater amount. There is no wrong answer here.

It's not fun, but figure out the extent of seeing yourself. Once you've done that, it's time to get creative.

If you can look at yourself not in the mirror, but your reflection sets you off, then we get rid of the mirror. Not actually get rid of, mind you (unless you can, then be my guest), but rig up a towel or shield to put over the mirror. Cover it up, and that should ebb the issue enough to ignore it.

If you can't stand your body in general, what you should do is turn off the main lights. Don't do pitch black, that's dangerous once it's wet, but maybe crack the window shade enough to safely navigate but not see yourself. If there isn't a window, get some waterproof string lights, and either dim them or cover up just enough of them to safely navigate. Maybe get a darker shower curtain.

If you can't stand yourself without your preferred clothing, then we get shower clothes. Robes are great for covering yourself up, and there's an endless amount of possibilities for what that robe looks like. Do you have a favorite media? Chances are you can find one online styled with that. I have a TMNT robe I use when it's cold. If robes aren't your cup of tea, shower aprons are another option. A shower apron is basically a cloak someone out there made for folks who have issues bathing themself or need assistance bathing but want some privacy. This one is the first one to pop up when I googled it, but there are far cheaper options out there. (https://www.buckandbuck.com/mens-terry-shower-robe.html) If those don't interest you, swimwear. Swimsuits are designed for water. While wearing them, it may be harder to clean some areas, but we're trying to get you to bathe what you can first. Clean the majority of your body before you clean your problem areas. If you don't have body dysphoria around the "normal" areas, but instead have issues with say, your hands? Spas have a couple great options out there, like exfoliating gloves. Or if you have issues with your feet, shower shoes.

Do what you can to minimise sight in the safest way possible. I should mention, 'cause I'm sure someone out there won't think it an issue until after the fact, but don't shave in the dark. If you have issues shaving, DM me and we can talk in private. Shaving in the dark is akin to running around at night with a pocket knife. A bad idea for everyone involved.

... when the bathroom is the opposite of how I present myself?

If you are masculine presenting in a feminine bathroom, or the opposite, or something in between, then we try and get the bathroom to reflect you. Do you share the bathroom with anyone? Can you seperate the problem items while you are showering? Growing up, I had issues with my mother and sister's smelly products, so I went out and bought some shower organisers for the back of the door, where we started putting things instead, so they weren't being perfume-y while I showered. I also set things on the counter while I showered and replaced them after. If it's a design issue, and your bathroom compatriots are okay with it, maybe swap out the shower curtain or decor. My ma used to have the bathroom cat themed (idk why, but she did), and it was rather pink and cutesy. After I came out, I asked if we could redo the bathroom, and she and I compromised with a beach theme, and we disguised it as a chance to renovate the features in general, to our more conservative neighbors at the time. If that's out of the question (or budget), maybe introduce crates or a cart or other organization just to cover your ass with whoever you share with. If you can stand them, try candles or scent diffusers. There are masculine ones out there! Bath n Body Works used to have a coffee and bourbon scent I adored, but they recently discontinued it, so I got a plug in one from Walmart that's scented fresh linen. My sister moved out a while ago and has a ton of flowery scents around her apartment. My dad likes citrus. Find something that works for you.

... when my intrusive/impulsive thoughts get pretty loud?

Then we get louder. I have OCD, and struggle in particular with intrusive thoughts. My friends, let me introduce you to... waterproof speakers! I got my first one for $7 at a nearby Walmart. My latest one was $20 from Amazon. We didn't have Wifi until the Pandemic, when the cable companies realized they could exploit the town further and laid the underground wires through the town (promise this is related). As such, before we had Wifi, I would steal my sister's radio and pop in one of my discs, usually something upbeat and fast so I could dance and distract myself. My brother uses our dad's old walkman and hooks it up to a mini speaker he got at a Christmas Party about a decade ago. My ma sticks her phone in the sink's cubby and it amplifies the sound and puts on her news station. If nothing else, you can hum out loud and just try to distract yourself.

... when I can't stand feeling the wrong body under my hands?

Then we get assistive devices! Washcloths, loofahs, sponges, pomis stones, exfoliating nets... there are so many out there, all we gotta do is look! I mentioned earlier exfoliating gloves. If you need help searching, let me know and we can brainstorm together!

Overall, bathing is unfortunately a necessity, and we gotta figure out how we can trick your mind into making it easier. Feel free to comment questions or concerns or other tips if you've also dealt with this.

-any grooming is better than no grooming. if you can get a wet wipe under a baggy shirt to get your pits, thats a win.

- getting more familiar with how other trans (and honestly just diverse) bodies are shaped, and actively trying to find beauty in their features can help ease emotions we have about our selves, and start to build defenses against future dysphoria.

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But. Every single night. I am faced with my greatest nemesis, the one thing I cannot bear to endure:

So that's why the queue has been sporadic and I've answered no asks, comments, etc. Because it hurts to hold my phone! The hope is I can fix it and be back. But I am going to be sporadic for a while still.

But while I'm gone, please, remember to brush and floss, shower, eat, and get up and move!

Love y'all!

if there's a task, especially a recurring one, that you find difficult to do and that you keep avoiding, check whether you're in pain or physical discomfort.

For a long time I would avoid doing tasks like showering because they nebulously made me feel 'bad' or i just instinctively felt like avoiding them. It wasn't until I got a shower chair that I realised standing to shower was causing me pain. My bodymind knew that on some level but didn't tell the conscious me.

Similarly with sensory aversions (things you don't like). Before I got kitchen gloves, I did the dishes but it took me a long time and I never wanted to. Afterward, it got a lot easier to motivate myself.

"But how can you not know you're in pain/uncomfortabke?" Extremely easily if your brain is wired a specific way or if you were taught, intentionally or not, to downplay your own experiences or distance yourself from your body.

Loving the water