Shots and Words

I told you I’m not giving up on us, and I know you don’t want me to. You said you want to rebuild “us” that’s why we still talk after a month of ending things between us. But lately, it’s like you continue to drift away. If you want us to be a “team” again, why does it feel like I’m the only one trying? I know we already talked about this. You said that the fact that we still talk is already an effort on your part. I said sorry for accusing you of not doing anything, but the truth is, it hurt like hell when you told me that. It hurt to know that this is how you see our situation. Talking is never an effort when it comes to the one you love as it should come naturally. You used to love talking to me. You told me stories about your past, and I did the same. That’s how we fell in love-- we both touched each other’s souls through our words. I vividly remember how you would wake up at 7 am just so we could talk longer before you went to work; and how you stayed late at night (and even later on weekends) so we could talk more. And how quick you responded to my texts, and how fast three hours on the phone felt like because we just enjoyed talking with each other. I miss those times not only because you made me happy, but also because I felt so alive and loved.

But now, everything is upside down. I’m lucky if I get to text with you for 2 hours of your day. I’m lucky if I can prolong a conversation between us. 

I’m the only one trying here. I’m the only one fighting, while you stand on a platform looking at me. I still don’t want to give up because I know it will hurt me more, but you make me want to let go. We vowed to be honest with each other. I even told you to be honest with me if you already want me to give up. I hope you keep that promise. I don’t want to give up, so I’m letting you pull the trigger. You’ve always been honest with me that sometimes your words hurt. So, please, be honest once more and tell me point blank if you don’t want me to keep fighting anymore.

by Stephanie Black  — Luna (shotsandwords)

I’ve been feeling down and indifferent lately. I don’t know— nothing really interests me at the moment.

I stopped watching TV series and that’s weird for me considering it’s my favourite hobby. I don’t have any food cravings, I don’t like seeing any of my friends, and I don’t even go out to have some fun (except that time my partner and I watched Lights Out).

On the other hand, I’m going to go back to school next month. I’m taking my master degree but I haven’t made up my mind yet on which major to pursue. This is the only thing that I’m really looking forward to. I just can’t wait. Maybe I’m feeling down in the dumps because I can’t think of anything good to do except go to school.

These are the moments when I miss you the most.

On my days of triumph, I just want you close.

On my days of sadness, I wish you were here.

I’d give anything in the world for you to be near.

But, my love, you chose to let go.

And I always pray I could forget that you did so.

But what you did, you said it was for the best.

And now all I have left is the memory of your kisses. — Luna (shotsandwords), Moments and Memories

It has been so long since the last time I opened this blog. I can say that it had a pretty good start. I had so many ideas to write about at that time. I was (from my knowledge and belief) lost and brokenhearted last year, and I felt that writing was a good outlet for me. And it really was. 

Apparently, priorities kind of got in the way of my writing that was why I didn’t have much time to update this blog. But now that I am not so busy, I’m really thinking of writing more on here. I want to talk to people who share my ideas. I want to learn, and be an inspiration at the same time.

I may be writing about a bunch of stuff here— both positive and negative. You know, just anything that interests me and whatnot.

Read This If Nobody Texted You Good Morning by Heidi Priebe 

— Luna (shotsandwords)

To tell you the truth, I’m a very intuitive person, and I’m still trying to figure out whether it’s a gift or a curse. Well, I guess ‘curse’ is too strong a word.

I’m very intuitive, but I don’t do anything about it for the most part. Since these intuitions are independent of any reasoning process, it’s difficult to believe in any of them– more so to do certain actions on the account of believing in them.

And guess what? Most of the time, my intuitions are right and on point. Every time I shrug off any of my irrational thought, do the opposite of what it is telling me, and eventually make mistakes due to how I acted; I swear I could almost hear the irrational part of my brain saying, 'I told you so.’ — Luna (shotsandwords), Intuition and Logic

Luna (shotsandwords), Things I Learned about Breakups

SOMEONE NEW by HOZIER

M, The things he used to say

Maybe I will soon! Wait for it! HAHA :D

Manuscript Found in Accra by Paulo Coelho

For my 23rd birthday, I asked my mum to buy me this book as a present. I’ve been a fan of Paulo Coelho’s for years now. I like the way he writes and the topics he talks about in his books. This is definitely one of my favorites books he has written. 

All of us experience difficulties and issues everyday, and we do various things in order to cope with our respective situations. This is a book about the things we can do to understand any situation we are facing. In my opinion, this book is uplifting and full of wisdom. I’ll definitely read this book again in the future. — Luna (shotsandwords)

Image from: http://www.cornonthejob.com/uncategorized/time-for-a-career-change-heres-5-careers-you-may-not-have-considered/

I finally did what I’d been meaning to do for a long time: I looked for a new job. I’ve been stuck with my old job for more than five years. Even I cannot believe that I stayed that long. It is an online job that I’ve had since college. I admit it pays really well and I get to have my preferred schedule. These are some perks you can get from having a home-based job. But like any other, it gets boring and dull. For five years, I’ve stayed home most of the time for this job. I didn’t get to see my friends more often than I did before (although conflict of our schedules is to be blamed as well), I didn’t meet a lot of new people and didn’t get to socialize more, and most of all I was stuck in a boring routine.

During the five-year period, I’d applied for jobs but I didn’t really have the motivation back then to pursue any of those applications. I would submit my resume and go to interviews, but my heart was not set on it. As a result, I would just go back to being a home-based worker because I thought playing safe was easier and more convenient than taking risks.

Until it hit me... I’m getting old(er) yet I still haven’t had a stable job since I graduated from college. I still haven’t experienced receiving bonuses and benefits, and other stuff you get to have/do when you work alongside a company. (Take note though that in my online job, we don’t have an employee-employer relationship and we’re considered as independent contractors-- the reason why I don’t get any benefits and bonuses at all. I’m only speaking for myself and situations may vary in other online jobs.)

I basically wanted to experience new things and challenges, that was why I decided to move my ass and start looking for another job. I went to the city next to where I live, and stayed there for a couple of weeks, and looked for jobs. I got lucky and I was hired by one of the biggest companies in the BPO industry. The hiring process wasn’t that difficult and I have my online job to thank for it. I was immediately hired the next day after the final interview. It went by so fast and I almost did not realize that I have to change a couple of things in my life now that I’m changing my career. To be honest, this realization made me feel anxious and a little scared. I was so used to playing it safe and doing the easier thing, that I’m starting to doubt myself if I can actually turn my life around this time. I worry about my finances, where I will be living (finding a place and stuff), and if my new job can really support my needs and wants. But as weird as it may sound, it’s a good kind of fear and anxiety. Finally, something that keeps me moving and thinking about my next move. This is what I’ve always wanted: to be independent and be responsible of my every action. 

It was very different before. Since I was living with my parents (they asked me to, by the way) and working at home, all my needs were pretty much given to me-- food, comfort, etcetera. My mum likes taking care of me a lot and it kind of gets in the way of me wanting to become a responsible adult. (Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. But yeah, you know what I mean.) In short, I became dependent on others, and it’s not helping me in any way at all. So that’s reason number 2 on why I wanted to move out and find a job in another city. I admit, I missed the freedom that I had when I was away from home during my college years. I learned a lot of things and I managed to survive. I dealt with hardships but I came out alive and stronger. 

Despite all the doubts I have on my mind, I’m confident that I can make it through. I never thought career change would be difficult. Everything is overwhelming, but worrying too much won’t get my anywhere. The truth is, I already feel proud of myself that I made the decision to get out of the routine and change my life. 

So for those who are in the same situation as I am, my advice is: it’s okay to worry (but don’t overdo it) and have doubts in ourselves. That’s part of being human. But we gotta take over the situation and be the boss. Do what makes you happy. It may be risky and hard, but as long as we’re not hurting other people, then it should be fine. Think of the opportunities we can have if we move forward rather than choose to stay in the same place.

Good luck. :) — Luna (shotsandwords), Headhunted

M, the man who liked the things that people hated about me