I love you. I wanted us to work. I wanted my initials to become C.E as well. I’m sorry for my part in this. You were not perfect and had faults, but so do I. I hope you think of me. I hope you love me too. I hope one day we can forgive each other because I miss my best friend. I will pray for you even if you don’t believe it helps. The pain and anger I feel will go away but my love will never fade. I hope that you find happiness. I hope you can see you are special. I just wanted to let you know you’re not a bad person. You will never be alone even if you feel like it. I’m sorry for making you feel alone and for my part in hurting you. We have two different hurts but we both lost each other. I hope you feel this loss like I do, so I know you did love me. That’s selfish I know but that’s who I am. All I am I think. I love our life together and i love our love. Maybe one day this will find you and you’ll know it’s for you. You will grow into a great man one day and my heart will always break when you’re with someone new, but I will always want you to be happy. You taught me a lot and I hope I did the same. Thank you for your love. Thank you for our children. Maybe one day when we aren’t so broken we can make things work. I wanted to grow with you, to age with you and make mess in our kids homes with you lol. I never wanted us to stop laughing. I never wanted to be apart but I was selfish in sharing my thoughts. I was selfish with my actions and so were you. You were greedy for more of me but I was scared of giving you the rest of me just to have you continue to hurt me. I couldn’t give you everything because I felt I would have nothing left. I was selfish you’re right and I’m sorry. I hope we can be better than we are and I hope we can make things work. I hope you know I love your laugh, heart, mind and soul. Toes and elbows. You will always be my always and forever. I’m saying goodbye so you can know your worth and so I can find mine. I hope one day we will laugh together again. I hope one day our heart will heal. I want you to be happy even if it hurts me. I will be the villain in your story but you will always be the one who made me love. I prey you’re always safe and that one day you find what you deserve. I will always be here for you. I wish i could fit everything in here but I can’t. I hope one day you find this cause I’m too scared to show you. I love you bb.

How are you? I'd like to express my thousand words for you, where this letter will always be written but cannot be delivered directly to you, stars always shine but never sparkle, moon always be bright but never be bright as the sun, sorry if I'm too dumb and poetic that's just the way I am, all those years we've been through, all those years of crying but somehow we learn how to grow by ourselves, I know you're happy 'cause you never listened to their advice, advice that doesn't even applicable to you, I know you already read a countless books, books that always makes you happy and isolated. I wish we could meet again, again from the stars where the moon was there as the waves crashing through the shore, where also away from them you always despise all to your heart, who never listens also emphatize the way you feel and try, between the line you're always the last as you always say. I hope wherever you are, Wherever you may be I hope those words you spoke to me isn't the one last message you gave me.

I knew you still didn't know what "I love you" means, you always overthought about it saying "I never heard of that word spoken to me since I was 8" and our last seeing each other before we get apart you told me "I love you, Across the violet sky" Is it intentional? Or you're just saying it because you don't want me to worry about you, please write a message back if you're still alive, I just wanted to say "I love you, deeply in my heart" it's not a joke it's real, but somehow it's kinda weird to say out loud. From beginning till the end, our never ending promise we once said but never fulfilled like we spoke of eternity, not knowing we were already the ending.

Sincerely,

Your worst best friend

ㅤ⠀ ⠀ ㅤ⠀ 🥨.⠀ ⊹ ⠀#løveprosë ˓⠀ ͟ 🔍

ㅤ⠀ ⠀ ㅤ⠀ ◌ ﹏ ✶‎　╱　mr. 𝑫etective.

⠀

we would be a misfit.

on paper, if someone had lined up our facts and looked at them from a distance, they would have written us off. there was no logical reason our paths should have bent toward each other, let alone become this necessary.

but you love mysteries. you love the desperate, patient pursuit of an answer—the kind that keeps an investigator awake at two in the morning, pacing a quiet room. you are possessed by the small, haunting details that tell a story: the damp weight of a wet coat slung over a chair, a stray strand of hair left on a pillow, the calculated height of someone standing in the dark, or a single, smudged fingerprint on a glass. you move through the world believing that everything leaves a trace, that longing always leaves a footprint in the mud, and that no one is ever entirely lost if someone cares enough to look.

and i think that is why you found me.

not all at once, not with a dramatic collision, but the way a true investigator pieces together a cold case: step by deliberate step. a sentence mentioned in passing, a poem folded carefully between conversations, a fear disguised as a joke, a heavy loneliness i thought i had buried too deep to be tracked. you gathered these clues without telling me. somewhere along the way, you assembled a version of me from the fragments i didn't even realize i was leaving behind.

that is what unsettles me most. not just that you love me, but that you arrived at me so honestly. you looked at the messy evidence of my life and stayed to investigate. in a world this loud and fractured, your attention is the only thing that makes sense. it is the rarest, most sacred form of love.

months later, you return to me carrying details i have already abandoned—the title of a book i mentioned once, a childhood memory i thought had dissolved into the dark, a word spoken on a rainy afternoon that seemed forgettable to everyone except you. you have longed for me even when i was standing right in front of you, searching for me in the spaces between my breaths, following my shadow through the room.

sometimes i think you know me entirely through accumulation. through a quiet, beautiful gathering of small truths, until they begin to resemble a person. and God, how terrifying it is to be understood through the things you never realized you revealed. i spent so much of my life feeling unread, like a case file left out in the weather, that your devotion feels almost impossible—like discovering someone has been carefully drying and preserving pages i thought the rain had already ruined.

you make me feel documented. remembered. real.

if i am being honest, i want to be studied by you like this forever.

i want to remain unsolved.

i want there to always be another layer of me for you to uncover, another shadow for your hands to find, another quiet mystery for us to wander through together. not because i wish to hide from you, but because the investigation itself has become our love language. i want to be the one mystery you never quite close.

every human being wants to be found. and somehow, against all probability, you did.

ㅤ⠀