disobedience }

After almost a decade on this site, I found another Tumblr user in the wild. I stopped to tie my shoe with rainbow laces this morning outside the silversmith at Colonial Williamsburg, and I heard it.

“I like your shoelaces.”

Oh. Oh no.

I responded the only way I could. “Thanks.” And then I reluctantly added, “I stole them from the president…and if that makes sense to you, I’m very sorry.”

The poor man, in full Colonial dress, stared at me for a long moment. And then burst into laughter. And said, “I haven’t thought about that in YEARS and this has never happened to me before.”

Yeah. Me neither. Not until today.

Fake Family

1. “This guy is being a creep and won’t leave me alone. Will you pretend to be my overprotective older brother for five minutes?”

2. “The nurse said only family was allowed back here, so I told her we were siblings. Just go along with it.”

3. “That person asked if I was your S/O. I’m sick of people not believing when I say we’re friends, so I said we were siblings.”

4. “I’m your bodyguard, but the event you’re going to does not allow bodyguards, so I’m now your sibling.”

5. “I was on a date, and the person made me uncomfortable, so I told them my parent was a cop. Only problem: My parents are dead, and you’re the only cop I know. Help?”

6. “We have a very elaborate story of how we’re related that we tell everyone when they meet us. No one has any idea that it isn’t true.” 

7. “I told someone we were siblings, but we look nothing alike, so you said I was adopted. Now they want to have dinner with my family… Are your parents good at lying?”

8. “We always joke that we’re siblings, but someone didn’t realize we were joking, so now we’re seeing how far we can carry this out.”

9. “Our organization is extremely covert, but your friends have caught me at your place a few times picking you up. I just found out that you’ve been telling them I’m your hysterical aunt who calls you every time she has a new heartbreak. Really? You couldn’t come up with a less embarrassing cover?” 

the next day i ended up punching someone in the face with a doughnut in my fist because she thought i was being a big fucking buzzkill who tattled to teacher about a harmless game, and, guess what, grabbed my butt. i got icing all over her hair. she complained to teacher...who let everyone know that this was why they weren’t supposed to be playing grabass in the fucking shop.

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.