God of the Abyss
h
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if i look back, i am lost
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Jules of Nature
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@notionsickness
God of the Abyss

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house fire, 2026, oil on canvas, 100 x 120 cm
five guys
Koson Ohara aka Koson Ohara b. Ohara Matao aka Shōson aka 小原 古邨 (Japanese, 1877-1945, b. Kanazawa, Ishikawa Prefecture, Japan, d. Tokyo, Japan) - Iris Flowers, Woodblock Print: Ink, Color on Paper

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One theme that has quietly connected my interests lately is the relationship between understanding and becoming. I am less interested in knowledge as the accumulation of facts and more interested in those moments when something familiar suddenly becomes strange enough to be seen. These moments do not reveal new information—they illuminate structures that were already present but left unnoticed. They make the ordinary visible.
What fascinates me is their generative quality. Some insights do not merely add to what I know; they alter how the world appears. I notice different things. I ask different questions. I become attentive to different phenomena. The insight becomes a lens rather than an object. Once it functions as a lens, it begins generating further observations on its own. This is deeply satisfying.
Thought itself seems to require a certain openness, a willingness to remain within a state of incompletion long enough for something new to appear. This also has implications for how I conceptualize personal growth and self-understanding. I agree with thinkers who reject the notion of self as a fixed object waiting to be discovered. It more accurately resembles an ongoing process of becoming intelligible to oneself by recognizing patterns that have shaped one's life. Each realization subtly alters the conditions from which future realizations emerge.
Becoming intelligible to oneself is therefore not only retrospective but also participates in the formation of the person who understands. We become intelligible to ourselves without ever reaching full transparency. We become until we cease to exist. I find this comforting, and it may be a large part of why I archive passages from what I read. They continue to disclose something different with each visit. In this sense, it is a record of what has continued to think with me.
in our copy of hana-bi the subtitles never leave the screen until something else is said
dude’s fucking TORN about whether or not to buy a beret
“Manhunt for a creature out in the tall grass that you can’t see.”
TRUE DETECTIVE
Doodle - 2
all movies are for children because the moving image is inherently juvenile. to be entertained by it even moreso
Staring for two hours at a painting doesn't make you deep.
i can stare for up to 7 hours actually
Matthew Ratcliffe, Experiences of Depression: A Study in Phenomenology

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i hope its macaroni art
Peter Falk / Columbo
Art by Peter Falk
Finished this sketch Diego, a true athlete.

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Cannot stand the trend of censoring any and all words that describe concepts that might make you go :( especially when the censoring is done in that quarter-assed way that's just 'did a lil scribble over a vowel so you know that I know this word describes a no-no."
I'm not even going to be vague about what sparked this. Do not fucking censor the word 'stole.' I'm at my fucking limit.
Who does this benefit. Who is made safer by this. Whose life is made better by this. Who is out there going "Wow I sure am glad I didn't have to see that word without it scribbled on a little. That really reduced the emotional impact of reading that word." Can I kill them?
apologies to anyone who followed me for tma. cow studies :) ❤️