teehee :3

"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s

Is that a trebuchet in your pants or are you just happy to siege me

some of them want to amuse you 😺. some of them want to be amused 😸

ok followers, im feeling generous. line up in a straight line & i will start petting you one by one .

We need to isolate and start selectively breeding the plastic eating bacteria so we can optimise their efficiency, and then somehow splice their DNA into the gut bacteria of an obligate carnivore, so we can put it in our cats gut biomes so they'll finally be free of having to choose between whether they want to eat plastic or whether they want to live.

Something I think about a lot is when dj khaled spent a day lost at sea on a jet ski literally just because he drove away and got lost and started live posting about it and as he got increasingly panicked he started making like inspirational insta stories about his opps wanting him to fail even though he was entirely responsible for the situation and just started saying shit like “they don’t want you to WIN. they don’t want you to get found when you’re lost at sea in the dark”

we've all got that friend who's a little too ²

dump your stupid boyfriend get your ass online and scroll past my post

love when the mutual takes the mutual bait. yes that post was for you. yes it was about our lil guy. thanks for falling for it. I love you

love when i see something for me #mebait

when i reblog something for a mutual and they reblog it from somewhere else #WELCOMEHOMECHEATER