schizophrenic, ocd, severe depression/anxiety/etc ā¹ļø
blogging notes
things have been rough lately. my blog is for me and reflects my life and my life is not mostly fun fandom activities. proceed knowing this
general tags
#cats: š
#cat hall of fame: š !!!
#laugh tag: anything that audibly made me laugh
#ranting into the void: complainin
#my_post: my original posts
sagas
#2026 life implosion: the horrible and ongoing period of time including "#adventures in leaving your polycule" in which i left people who were mistreating me, "#the nightmare of may 2026" in which i became profoundly disabled and homeless (but sheltered) and eventually had to go back to that polycule-ish house, and "#adventures in bottom surgery" in which abusive nurses turned what should've been massively joyful into the worst experience of my life
i try to tag major triggers but lmk if you would like me to tag anything specific or use any specific tag format
interests past and present
special interests
magic the gathering š§āāļø
lotr/hobbit/silmarillion š
the mechanisms (band) šŗšš“āā ļø
college football š
competitive youth robotics š¤
cars š šļø
resumes š (not joking. also unemployed. go figure.)
major media interests
folk-inspired music (the mechanisms, charming disaster, the longest johns)
other musical artists: bright eyes, orange culture, car seat headrest
movies: lotr, the empty man, baby driver, mean girls (2024)
frankenstein by mary shelley
poetry and music of leonard cohen
academic/professional interests
electronics engineering (hardware and software, especially embedded)
high-quality wiring jobs
automotive (booo auto industry)
laser and plasma physics (booo idealistic tech that's truly absurdly expensive and probably won't pay off this century)
english literature and poetry
k12 education
cats past and present
the cats
august š± š
smaug šā⬠š
nami š š“āā ļø
i am not taking up space to post pictures but that is an incredible loss. you should get to see them. you should get to know them. these are some incredible cats and your life is less rich for not knowing them. they're also very small
politics
irl theory/etc
aspires to militantly oppose capitalism, imperialism, and white supremacy
materialist transfeminist
antipsychiatry. the mental health field was not built to help us, and is often incapable of doing so, or really doing anything but coercing and abusing us
it is all our responsibility to learn about the disabilities of others and how we can be better to each other. listen to people with mobility disabilities, sensory loss disabilities, cognitive disabilities, incontinence disabilities, chronic pain, etc, etc
bodily autonomy is an absolute right. it doesn't have to be true that protecting bodily autonomy allows for better medical outcomes and body satisfaction for bodily autonomy to be an absolute right, but it's cool that it does. there is no level of education or life experience that entitles someone to make body decisions for someone else against their will
youth liberation. children are people and largely have few rights. support their autonomy and ability to leave abusive situations
politics apply at home too. treat your housemates well, divide domestic labor fairly, pursue legal protections against forcible removal for all housemates
action items, irl, regular basis
support the most vulnerable people in your community through aid and activism (especially the unsheltered, undocumented, dispossessed of land, and/or experiencing severe racial injustice)
support the most vulnerable people globally through aid and activism (especially in Gaza and in the Global South broadly)
build movement capacity
tumblr
tumblr is fundamentally anti-Black and transmisogynist. both userbase and staff. both. we need a workable alternative. i'm not aware of one that meets my needs yet. yes i've probably considered that one
censorship is bad, but shipping discourse is largely unimportant
transmisogyny is a real social force and understanding how it affects people and who it targets is often relevant to being able to do feminism at all
stop dogpiling the Black trans women in your online spaces as soon as you get the feeling they view the world differently than you. also listen to them. but certainly stop dogpiling them.
no faith in community. our community is who is good to each other and stops when we are not good to each other. our community is who we help and who helps. if you want queer community, spend time at the homeless shelter before you spend time at the dyke bar
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Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.
I've seen a bunch of "fandom etiquette" posts on my dash today and I'm going to say something that is maybe going to be unpopular but;
The absolutely pervasive mentality that unwanted criticism or critique shouldn't be given and should be ignored is why fans of color don't stay in fan spaces.
And I am not going to mince words here:
A lot of you are racist. A lot of your fan works are racist.
That might have been difficult to hear. And if it was, you should probably reflect on why that was.
"Fandom etiquette" has created a space where fans of color either bite our tongues and eventually leave or say something, get dogged on, and then eventually leave.
So much of "fandom etiquette" seems to be about insulating creatives from Feeling Bad and hostility to any kind of negative feedback is a pretty big contributor to why bigotry festers in these spaces.
#imo the potluck analogy applies- it would be rude to critique someone's icing technique at a potluck bc it wasn't as good as at the bakery #but if they had decorated their cupcakes w hate symbols it wouldn't be rude to tell them that's gross and gtfo #in fact it would be inappropriate to NOT say anything in that situation #or to complain that another guest who did point it out was 'ruining everyone's potluck' #and pointing out racism in fan works is 100% the second thing not the first! (via destructions-daughter)
There's also a tendency to conflate anyone who critiques general trends with bad faith randos. Like, there is fandom behavior that is 100% racist and should be talked about, but there are also trends of racist/sexist/ableist preferences.
If I say "I am uncomfortable with fandom's tendency to write trans men as feminine and submissive" I do not mean "I think every person who writes feminine submissive trans men should be chased with pitchforks". I don't even mean "any cis-person who writes feminine or submissive trans men should be chased with pitchforks". I mean "I would like writers to seriously think about why this is so common, why they write that, and if it fairly and genuinely engages with what it means to be a trans man, or if they just think it's hot when submissive people have vaginas and didn't want to write omegaverse of m/f".
Similarly, when people say "fandom is systemically less interested in black characters, less willing to give flat black characters rich fanon than flat white characters, and less interested in black characters in ships", the response is not to explain why you, personally, just happen to like popular white guy in that fanon. Your job is to look at yourself and ask if you tend to "just happen to be more interested" in the popular white guy across fandoms, be honest, and start unpacking that. Sometimes it's easier to love the flat character who's already getting 10,000 fics with headcanons and art and meta.
If somebody says "I wish there were more gluten free options at the potluck. I hate always showing up and not finding anything I can eat*", they are not asking you to throw your cake in the trash and weep. They do not want to hear your long speech about how actually this is your grandmother's recipe, and you've tried it with rice flour actually, but it just didn't work. You think about what you can do, and you listen to how they feel.
*The metaphor here not being that you can't read fic that isn't "good rep". The metaphor here is that it can be isolating to be in spaces where nobody is trying to make sure people like you are welcome.
but also the potluck thing gives more benefit of the doubt than is realistic.
Not bringing something gluten free because your sentimental recipe doesn't work with rice flour or because gluten free meals can be expensive is fairly easily excusable with a quiet "next time š" and a few seconds of brief reflection.
Not bringing something gluten free because you are suspicious that people who request gluten free food are trying to get one over on you, or you have an idea that beginner gluten free meals are still more difficult to make than your fun-but-difficult meals with gluten and you have no intention of testing that, or you suspect gluten free foods are made by people who want to hurt people and you would never associate with something morally complex like that is a different thing. That requires serious reflection and a mindset change that takes a long time and meaningful work.
Some people who engage in fandom in racist ways do it through social inertia and following what's popular. Most people who engage in fandom in racist ways do it because they do not see Black characters and other racialized characters as people in the same way as with white characters. All things equal, Black and otherwise racialized characters are more likely to be viewed as uninteresting to ship or difficult to write/draw or morally corrupt or whatever reason. At its core, these characters are less popular because many, many fans are racist. Seriously, banally, pervasively racist.
A lot of people are racist. A lot of people in fandom are racist. A lot of people in your fandom are probably racist. There's a good chance you are racist. Let's not let ourselves off the hook before we even evaluate whether we are being racist.
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Moratorium on stories about the importance of stories! If I did not already think stories were worth my time I would not be spending said time reading! It's the literary equivalent of auto-fellatio, except instead of removing your ribs you've removed your capacity for shame.
sauron could lay eggs and he could even asexually lay fertile ones but he didn't like it so he instead devoted his time in angband to fertilising the eggs that morgoth just left lying around the place. fish style.
does going on hrt make you change sexuality or is there
a social reward to solidifying your budding gender presentation as available to men and interested in men, especially if that means you as a trans woman can perform the rituals of straight-womanhood and prove your womanhood to yourself and others
an opportunity to explore your queerness while you are already committing to the idea of being visibly queer
i have no video of this so you do not have to believe me but the tarantula i was recording literally put her paw on the glass to feel the vibrations of me listening to get low then started shaking her ass
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i think the fact that The Amazing Digital Circus got more vitriol than Good Omens or Dropout or Heated Rivalry or one william other fandoms inundated with bigotry/shitty crewmembers kind of speaks for itself
it's the same reason that a lot of people seem performatively disgusted by the orientalism baked into Breath of the Wild's crossdressing sequence but don't really seem to give a fuck about how the Gorons are blatantly anti-Black caricatures. and don't get me wrong, both of these things need to be criticised more (not less) than they already are, but it does make you wonder why Tumblr is so willing to let literally any type of bigotry slide unless it's trans girls who are enjoying something. It's all "watching doesn't mean supporting!!!" until there's an adult animated cartoon about being transgender
circling back around to "until there's an adult cartoon about being transgender" -- i say "an" because it really just is one. like, i just don't see how people can be moralising about how it's horrible for trans women to want to watch the single cartoon there is about being transmisogynised, how they're disgusting amoral people, when they don't ever seem to give a fuck about how literally everything on this planet is inundated with bigotry. nobody gives a fuck until it's us enjoying something, because it's actually about disgust at trans women.
iāll believe that the criticisms of The Amazing Digital Circus, Gooseworx and her fans are actually about racism or āanti abuse apologiaā when the people making those criticisms are criticising Sam Reich for his history of transmisogynistic jokes at Dropout
remember that time they aired an episode where Chris Grace said "Esk*mo kiss" and, in response to the backlash, they and Grace separately issued statements + edited it out of the episode? still waiting on Reich's statement about this
hint: this time it can't be played off as an honest mistake.
#am i dumb i genuinely don't understand what his comment was supposed to mean#even the... host? seemed confused
#like i genuinely donāt get it #and i am trans woman fyi
#is it really that simple and I'm just like āthat can't be itā
it is that simple, yes. a rich, powerful white man essentially said, "funny to be called a pedophile by a man wearing a lot of makeup" and expected everyone to laugh at it.
it's notable that the response was confusion. they knew that what he said was objectionable, they were trying to find a way to avoid that conclusion and couldn't find one. I also had this moment of confusion.
we, all of us, have been taught to dismiss and excuse transmisogyny. we've internalized it, the confusion happens automatically. deliberate effort is required to overcome that impulse to dismiss, and even that relies on us having noticed it happening at all.
he didn't acknowledge it because he knew he didn't have to. everyone in the room let it slide, they aired it uncritically, there is no outrage about it. it's just an awkward joke.
It's kind of killing me that people are so determined to say maybe he didn't mean it, maybe he didn't connect those dots so exactly...
Is that not part of the problem? Is it NOT part of the problem that we can give plausible deniability to this because maybe the person perpetuating the bigotry didn't KNOW he was?
I don't care if he somehow didn't know what he said and his that connects to larger bigotries, several people in this room DID. Even if the dots aren't as easy to connect, there's a balk.
And even ALL that aside, yeah, the joke comes down to "interesting to be called any kind of degenerate by a man in makeup" and it is part of the larger problem of transmisogyny. No matter how you wanna try to water this down, it's still a problem.
"masculine role models" were a scam invented by men (who themselves are also a scam invented by men, it's complicated) to cement the patriarchal family as the only possible way to raise a child and justify keeping "fathers" around. It doesn't necessarily have to be a nuclear family, but kids *obviously* need some masculine influence to teach them it's not ok to be a woman. Otherwise they'd grow up soy.
Masculinity is a social pact that reproduces itself via violent enforcement and reinforcement between men and you should not be giving them any more victim-members or treating it as the natural way of the world.
Anyone who tries to convince you of some genuine psychological need for "masculine role models" in a kids life is a wacko gender shill trying to justify the patriarchy all the unimaginable horrors that come with it, and you should probably kick them in the shins.
a lot of bad trans politics on this website (and beyond) comes from non-women who sincerely believe that having been assigned female at birth inherently gives them a greater authority over womanhood, femaleness & feminism than trans women
just to be clear, if you think ānon-binary people CAFAB understand & represent womanhood more than trans womenā you believe the same thing as terfs.
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I really donāt want to open this can of worms because Tumblr hath no fury like people called out on their political performativeness but it is literally driving me up the wall to watch people react to Serkisā ākeep Tolkien whiteā commentary by insisting twice as hard that Tolkien would descend down to earth and dropkick the entire Republican party to hell or whatever, just because they want to ensure that a piece of media they enjoy isnāt seen as being morally impure. Case in point: I have seen at least five instances of Tolkienās āI hate apartheidā valedictorian address being used as a ācounterā to Serkis being racist, including by actual news outlets.
Except itās only ever the āI hate apartheidā line thatās shared, and not the actual quote in its full context. Because here it is:
If we consider what Merton College and what the Oxford School of English owes to the Antipodes, to the Southern Hemisphere, especially to scholars born in Australia and New Zealand, it may well be felt that it is only just that one of them should now ascend an Oxford chair of English. Indeed it may be thought that justice has been delayed since 1925. There are of course other lands under the Southern Cross. I was born in one; though I do not claim to be the most learned of those who have come hither from the far end of the Dark Continent. But I have the hatred of apartheid in my bones; and most of all I detest the segregation or separation of Language and Literature. I do not care which of them you think White.
Which is to say. This isnāt exactly the antiracist quote of the century, to say the least. This is a white South Africa born man and a white Australian shaking hands and going āomg we relateā and expressing what is a very, very mild āsegregation is not greatā opinion in order to convey his thoughts on an academic subject, ie the confluence of language and literature. Using race to make a point about his own subject of interest, in his own interest, which is, amusingly enough, what a lot of ostensibly well meaning progressive seem to be doing.
I also think that some of the general surprise around āwhat do you mean large swathes of the Tolkien fandom are incredibly conservative!?ā in lib/left Tolkien fandom is the result of a tendency in said parts of the fandom to transpose oneās own progressiveness onto Tolkien and turn a blind eye to things like, say, the Shire being a very specifically mid-century British racist construct that is very, very clear in its politics, often going so far as to insist itās anarchist or an ideal society or whatever the fuck⦠and then getting really Pikachu-meme ābut theyāre misreading itā every single time a conservative explains exactly what it is about the legendarium that they really love, and get surprised when someone uses the Shire being a racist construct to do more racism. It is 2026 let us do away with āI donāt see colourā interpretations of media, I beg. Nobody is cancelling you for enjoying a book that is not kind to race. Most of the books I love are not kind to race.
I genuinely donāt have the energy to go deeper into it now because I and others have been beating this drum for ages but like man. Man. Iām not surprised by Serkisā comment. I donāt really give a shit about what Andy Serkis says and does because if I was the kind of person who gave a fuck about Andy āI felt like an ethnic minority on the Black Panther setā āI somehow interpreted Animal Farm in the most ridiculous way possibleā Serkisā opinions on anything, let alone race, my life would be much sadder. I think the adaptation will be an enshittified money-grab, and I will probably embrace cannibalism when McDonalds inevitably starts giving out little Gollums with every Happy Meal. Again.
What I am surprised and disappointed by is how the liberal-left reaction to this shit is to always and forever just either pretend it doesnāt exist in the text, or is the result of a complete misreading. So seldom is the response āfuck me, this book has some real wild thoughts on race, letās see how we can engage creatively with that in an adaptationā. Which has never happened. In fact, all your thoughts on Amazon and lore faithfulness and other adaption criticism or applause aside, TROP, the only Tolkien interpretation that has directly engaged with race has thus far done so very, very badly, and only on a surface level. Why?
Because the loudest parts of liberal Tolkien fandom is not interested in exploring race as it exists in the text, to explore it progressively, to engage creatively with the structural conservatism present within the very construction of Middle Earth. Theyāre interested in concessions that change very little: you can have your brown elves, as long as we donāt have to think about the implications of foundational aspects of our beloved world, which we relate to greatly and do not wish to think about why we relate to it beyond our own experience of encountering the text.
No, itās always either an insistence that the Racists are Wrong because the Text is Pure, or a slight, grudging concession that Tolkien had āa few racist elementsā but ānothing like the racism of todayā. Of course itās nothing like the racism of today. Tolkien isnāt writing in 2026. It was the racism of yesterday, and it is very clearly written into the text. Tolkien is not your mildly problematic grandpa. Tolkien was an Oxford don with an enormous, wide-ranging cultural impact, and refusing to acknowledge that is the misreading, not the pointing out of or engagement with structural racism within the text.
There's also a version of this where people cite Tolkien's 1938 letter to the German publisher, ie the one where he refuses to confirm he's of "Aryan" descent and basically tells them to fuck off, as the other canonical "proof text" that Tolkien Was Not Racist, and it does the same flattening as the valedictorian quote. It's a great letter, very āget thee gone from my gateā but it is also a letter about refusing a specific, legally coded Nazi racial category, not a statement about the internal racial logic of his own fiction.
Nobody is saying Tolkien was a fascist white supremacist Nazi. Hell, Tolkienās own thoughts on military atrocity in general is pretty clear in the depictions of the escalating kinslayings. But people love to conflate "hated actual fascism, said so on the record and is very evident in his fiction" with "therefore the legendarium contains no racialised hierarchy," as though those two things have to rise or fall together, when they don't. You can be sincerely, personally opposed to Nazi race science and apartheid violence and still write a mythology where moral and aesthetic worth consistently map onto a Northern-European somatic ideal. Because the racialisation Tolkien both inherited and passed on wasn't Nazi race science, it was the broader Edwardian/interwar philological raciology he was actually swimming in, hell, drowning in, considering the Oxford environment. And I find it so, so frustrating how fandom keeps failing to make this distinction: structural racialisation and personal bigotry are not the same axis, and refusing to be measured on one doesn't clear you on the other.
The Southrons/Easterlings material is obviously the part most quoted when it comes to Tolkienās āproblematic elementsā except it's imo super telling how rarely it actually gets quoted compared to how often it gets vaguely waved at (except Charles E Mills. I love you Charles E Mills). Anyway āBlack men like half-trolls," swarthy, slant-eyed, riding out of the south and east to serve Sauron⦠itās the same mapping of good-north/evil-south-and-east you get in a dozen other early-twentieth-century adventure texts. And this imo actually undermines the "it's just medievalism, calm down" defense, because medievalism is a selectively retrospective construction of which past you're claiming and which one you're othering, not some sort of static, neutral historical styling.
Tolkien's medievalism is specifically Northern European heroic-elegiac medievalism, the "Northernness" he talks about loving as a kid, and that aesthetic preference is not extractable from the racial hierarchy it produces on the page. You cannot keep the aesthetic and disclaim the politics because as in all art, the aesthetic is the politics, that's what "structural" means as opposed to "incidentalā, and I just wish that many extremely clever people who understand this in a contemporary sense would allow themselves to feel uncomfortable and look at it in a beloved text.
Jackson's trilogy didn't invent racialisation in Tolkien, hell I think he even softened some of it because the Scouring is straight up impossible to adapt without it being very clear about its politics, but his adaptation does go quite some way make the existing racism legible⦠casting, costuming, choreography and cinematography does the same racialised sorting the text does, and does it visually: Uruk-hai as a kind of grunting brutalised, brutalistic mass, Haradrim on oliphaunts as a fairly straightforward Orientalist boogeyman, and the Fellowship itself photographed like a Pre-Raphaelite fantasy lmfao. Serkis isn't introducing a new interpretive layer with his commentary, hell Serkis was in all those Jackson films as well! Serkis is being very clear about what aspects of the legendarium matter to him, and that aspect happens to be the whiteness of it all. And I genuinely cannot understand why the huge āscandalā around his comment is not that someone said the quiet part, but that saying it out loud is what became the scandal, taken as some kind of transgression against Tolkien and all his readers with Good Politicsā¢ļø, rather than the quarter-century of adaptations, readings, and analysis of the text that wordlessly encoded the racism and got called faithful and dedicated for it.
I didnāt want to go to author is dead territory but. Fandom discourse keeps reaching for authorial intent as the arbiter of textual meaning in exactly the way most of these same people would reject in any other context. Everyone is a massive New Critic the second the author in question is someone they love. But Tolkien doesnāt need to have consciously intended a racial hierarchy or a white nationalist mythology for the text to functionally produce one, for it to be so loved by conservatives and ethnonationalists who come fifty years after his time.
Intent is not even a contested position in literary theory, it's just the very basic understanding that "text has ideology independent of authorial intent". The insistence on relitigating Tolkien's personal feelings as though that settles the structural question is wild to me, and I find it so extremely unproductive how liberal fandom reaches for this constantly, repeatedly chanting Tolkienās few vaguely liberal statements that read far less liberally in context. But I guess the alternative, ie reading the actual construction of race in the legendarium on its own terms, requires giving up the fantasy that the thing you love is politically inert. And itās just so sad man. Like I fucking love the legendarium, and I think insisting on its moral purity is the worst thing you can do to it.
I think my entire argument can be summed up in a few questions. Why do conservatives keep saying "I love Tolkien" completely unashamedly, in a way they donāt realy say about most other ācanonicalā twentieth-century texts, while we on the left have to perform a whole apologetic dance before we say it? What is it that they embrace about the text, that we have to occlude in order to express an unproblematic āloveā? Why do we have to disavow parts of a text to claim we love it? Who are we performing to? What are we losing in focusing so hard on this performance?
This is why the Serkis-style comment, or the Rings of Power casting discourse, ends up being the deepest engagement we collectively get in fandom terms. Because both "sides" of that fight are actually shallow in the same way, just from opposite ends. The right-wing backlash to diverse casting is, repulsively, responding to something absolutely present in the text: a defensive crouch around a racial aesthetic it identifies as being under threat. The liberal-left response, the "just add brown elves" gesture, claims the problem to be one of representation and casting rather than structure, which is precisely why the racial elements of The Rings of Power satisfies no one and changes nothing.
You can put actors of colour in NĆŗmenor and Harfoot villages and yet the underlying moral framework of who is coded as inherently noble and who as inherently monstrous, whose skin colour the textual narrative uses as a standin for corruption, stays completely untouched. Again, see my TROP link above, with the jihadi-coding of the villains. Because that framework isn't located in the casting of an adaptation, it's located in the construction of Arda itself and physiognomy-as-morality at the level of the prose itself, constantly present throughout the text. Casting a Black actor as an elf doesn't do anything to the fact that "evil race coded as racially other" is still sitting right there in the Southrons and the orcs, unadapted, undiscussed, doing exactly the same work it always did, and this work takes on a new look in post-2001 adaptations.
So what you get is two adaptations of the same tiresome insanemaking discourse rather than two different arguments: the right defends the racial aesthetic as the substance of their love, and the liberal mainstream defends the fantasy that representation-level tweaks constitute engagement with race. And so, nobody actually produces the adaptation that takes seriously what nonwhite Tolkien scholars have been saying for decades, which is that you'd have to touch the orc/Southron/Valar/Valinor/blondeness architecture itself to ever productively have this conversation. Not diversify who plays the good guys, but interrogate why "evil" in this legendarium has a face and a hair colour and points compass east.
But if the talk about this goes on as it does, and continues between Tolkien the Pure versus Tolkien the Misread, there will never be anyone willing to make that adaptation, and weāll go on forever in a sisyphean climb, where both the reactionary embrace and the progressive denial are just two versions of refusing to read the same damn book. Basically, I think we on the left etc need to stop treating "is Tolkien racist" as a yes/no gate you have to clear before you're allowed to enjoy the books, and stop acting like enjoying problematic media makes you a fascist. We need to start treating the racialised architecture within Tolkienās world as the actual object of study, same way you'd read imperial romance or Forster or Kipling or Haggard, without needing to acquit or convict the author first.
Which means we have to name the conservatism specifically rather than gesturing at "some outdated attitudes," trace where it comes from historically (the philological Northernness Tolkien grew up steeped in, not some special personal failing that reflects badly on you), and then ask what an adaptation would look like which dramatised that rather than smoothing over it or weaponising it. We have to let go of the idea that critical engagement is disloyalty, and let go of the idea that loving something requires defending its honour. We need to get the resilience needed to engage with the idea that a work can be both formative and ideologically compromised at the same time.
We donāt need to resolve that tension into either adoring hagiography or totalising cancellation. If we do, we're going to keep getting ākeep the Shire whiteā Serkis soundbites and āhooray we cast a brown elf in our we-invented-elf-jihadis show!ā news cycles standing in for a conversation that hasn't actually started yet, and ngl buddies I have to say I personally will be biting people the next time I see yet another rendition of the same damn response-reaction cycle start again because everyone, both the conservatives and the left, wants the things they love to be a reflection of themselves, and will twist themselves into pretzels to ensure that remains the case.
hey guys did you know that a lot of people with ocd DO have symptoms like obsessively cleaning/organizing? did you know that denying these people the right to speak up about their symptoms just because it sounds like plain old āperfectionismā to you and you feel like other people have it way worse just alienates people who are part of our community and shames them for having symptoms that they canāt control that are oftentimes more distressing than you could imagine? did you know that ocd is not a competition? you can dislike non-ocd people trivializing terms all you want, I do to. but it is shameful to group ppl with ocd that may be suffering from their symptoms in with non-ocd ppl just because you feel you may have it worse. happy disability pride month
my most impairing symptoms of OCD are moral: "what if i commit some awful act, or already have?"
thankfully that's not daily. what is daily is making things symmetric and patterned and organized. and mild distress when this is impractical or impossible.
i got special permission for my surgical grafts to be done symmetrically, because i think if my body were made asymmetrical in that way, it would bother me forever and could lead to severe consequences.
sometimes OCD is organizing and cleaning and symmetry. sometimes that's cutesy. sometimes that's ugly and scary. sometimes OCD is needing reassurance that innocuous everyday behaviors are not cascading into putting people in the torment nexus. both exist and reflect the reality of OCD. ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ