V Vlad Vladi Vladimio Vladissimo

Seven of Swords and The Devil reversed

Lindsay Merrill (American b. 1987), Untitled, 2026

Apuseni, Romania

August 2024

Neither Shane nor Ilya have really ever experienced sex as play before? Maybe Ilya has a little with Sveta, but otherwise that’s not usually something that happens with a one-night stand. Besides, Ilya has a reputation to uphold; the kind of play he would have engaged in with relative strangers is very different than the stuff he feels comfortable doing with Shane.

So it’s kind of a revelation, when they stumble into sex as play. And that kind of sex can be more or less intense, but it’s always fun… and kind of dumb? It’s not all roleplaying and play wrestling; a lot of the time it’s stupid fucking jokes? Just riffing off one another until they’re trying to kiss through their laughter and their rhythm almost falls apart. Ilya is losing it so bad one time he slips out, pressing his dopey fucking smiling face to Shane’s neck as Shane squirms through his own laughter, trying to, “Ilya, oh my god, get back in—Ilya—”

A few other particularly memorable moments include:

When Ilya, years later, is shown the SNL sketch “Dick in a Box” and decides to try it. The box is wrapped very badly. He’s mostly soft and playing keep away as Shane tries to grab the box to open it, trying not to laugh as he explains, “no no, Shane just open it. You’ll like it, I promise. I have to hold it like this.” When Shane “just opens it” it’s to Ilya singing, off-key and badly through his giggles “is my dick in a boxxxxx.” Shane taking +20 damage as he is suddenly hurled back to 2006 when fucking everyone was talking about that stupid video but Ilya is so fucking pleased with himself Shane can’t help grin. “You’re such a fucking loser.” And tackles him to the couch.

Another time, both drunk at the cottage, Shane and Ilya are talking about what superhero they’d be. The specifics don’t matter, but it does turn into a competition of who can put together the best superhero outfit out of shit in the house. They have five minutes. Ilya’s is good (underwear pulled up into a thong, garish designer shirt tied into a bikini top, blanket cape, bucket helmet, wielding the toilet brush from the guest bath that has never seen any use) but Shane’s is better: his tiny slutty workout shorts, white socks, pink kitchen gloves with a dish towel cape (“I’m not gonna get choked or sucked into a jet engine, are you fucking crazy”), Ilya’s biggest, most obnoxious sunglasses, his hair stuck up in a shitty fauxhawk with Ilya’s mousse. Ilya needs to fuck him immediately.

"SWEET CAROLINE. BUM BUM BUM." - Eleven highly inebriated hockey players and David Hollander, who's having great memories of his own wedding where they played the same song.

"Good times never seemed so good..." - Ilya Rozanov, whisper-singing to himself and completely unaware of it as he rails his husband into next Tuesday.

Fixed Ep04 ending because I can

Will be very happy if you consider supporting me on Patre0n! (Also check out all tiers for more early access and exclusive lemon arts).

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

Leila sends him a photo the next morning at buttfuck o'clock of her gf in running gear like "i told her Shane Hollander would bring me breakfast in bed, not abandon me to go exercise" and Shane replies "so sorry to disappoint you also does this mean Marie got the code for the hotel gym?" and then they gradually become real friends and the next time they’re at some gala Leila's insta story complaining that "they’re ganging up on me" because Shane and Marie dragged her out for a run goes a bit too viral and of course the tabloids run all sorts of bullshit about how he's cheating in Rose Landry with Leila or on Leila with Marie or