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And the safety briefing included the question “So if you’re pregnant, do you want to know or not?”

Turns out there had been a bit of an awkward situation once where the keepers had casually mentioned a woman’s pregnancy in a group, and she herself didn’t even know yet. Turns out the wolves are excellent at telling if you’re pregnant and the keepers can tell based on their body language.  They get all odd and careful around pregnancy. (Even wolves knows that you have to take care of pregnant people.)

So they definitely knew she was pregnant.

And if I remember my BBC documentaries right, a wolf will leave the pack to give birth and introduce the cubs to the pack once she feels ready for it. And maternity leave is flexible but often around 6 months so they’re going “YOU WERE GONE FOREVER! WE WERE SO WORRIED! WHERE ARE THE CUBS?? WE HAVE TO GREET THE CUBS!!“ 

this was an experiment with true grit's new aqua lab textures and brushes they made available to clip studio users this week. you can get a discount if you put in the code AQUACLIP on checkout til the 7th (not an affiliate link i just love a discount)

welcome to the latest edition of liveblogging a bad erotica book from Kindle Unlimited. This time we have The Sting of Victory by S D Simper, "recommended" by @kvothbloodless

The main character is named Flowridia

The writing is clunky and awkward: "But enough [light] shone through to cast a shadow upon the secluded cottage, that of a wolf coated in mud and grime."

Green light shines out of the pores of Flowridia's mother, who happens to be an evil swamp witch

that reminds me, I should put on a face mask I got from Lush that makes me look like a swamp creature

She threw a knife with perfect accuracy through her mother's throat while she was doing some magical transformation still unclear exactly what she shifted into the description was both too much and totally unclear

The pacing is also really bad. She killer her mother, who had killed her lupine animal companion, and now in the exact same tone/pace Flowridia is wandering desolate and also being stalked by a demon. Apparetly she is alone and half-starved and has been wandering for weeks, but it's only been one paragraph so as a reader I have no sense of tension, or how deep Flowridia's emotional and physical suffering goes

Awkward worldbuilding exposition is awkward

I don't care if this is a fantasy world with magic and the point of this book is to go "awooga", you can't throw together a royal coronation and celebration in several days' notice. That just does not happen, even with all the preparation and contingency plans in the world, and the coronation ceremony itself only for the new queen and her guests why tf would a gardener's apprentice (which Flowridia is now) be one of those honored guests if it isn't a grand public ceremony?

New name alert! NOX'KARTHA

Angels in this world are French

There are too many fantasy races being introduced at the same time, with character names attached and none of them really matter right now and it's just confusing

I have many questions about social structures and I do not think any of them are going to be answered

The queen wears a magic gem that doubles as a mood ring on her voluptuous bosom

Oh yeah, the love interest showed up but she was boring and fuckin Flowridia didn't even talk to her just ogle so meh

It has been several months and her baby wolf new magical companion is still puppy sized

She made tea and muffins to bring to the dark elf diplomat who is the love interest. I'm still too distracted by clunky writing and the nonsensical social rules

Th queen made a policy decision because she has a crush on a dignitary from this other kingdom. Solid basis for government

I am tickled by this clunky bit of innuendo in which everyone else believes that "playing chess" is a euphemism and it is therefore implied they used a candlestick as a dildo

So one year for charity different pro athletes get asked to participate in a live game based on one of those “how well do you know your partner” games but instead it’s “how well do you know your rival” and participating means you get to raise money for a charity of your choice and obviously Shane and Ilya want to promote the Irina Project so they agree and go up against other current famous rivals from other sports

And Shane and Ilya discuss ahead of time that obviously they’ll have to just play things off as they usually do, light hearted chirps back and forth and what not, “winning” is just for the show and won’t impact how much money gets made for their charity so it doesn’t matter. Except then they get there and become overtaken by the need to Win and Be the Best and they are the best. So without needing to discuss changing the plan, as soon as the questions start they lock in and decide that actually they have to demolish everyone else

The other rivals are laughing and making jokes at the questions but Shane and Ilya are deadly serious and the host starts to get a little weirded out by the fact that they actually know the answers and aren’t just saying things like “how many goals last season? Probably one less than me haha” and actually have each others stats memorized

Because the audience is loving it they go to a lightning round that’s just Shane and Ilya and it’s now the usual couple game questions and they’re still getting them right because they can make excuses for knowing later, right now is about Winning

“What is Shane’s favorite breakfast?”

“Kale protein shake with a scoop of peanut butter and a handful of blueberries.”

“Ok um, what is Ilya’s favorite breakfast?”

“Two sausage egg McMuffins with an extra slice of cheese and hashbrowns.”

“What is something on Shane’s bucket list?”

“Sleeping in one of those see through igloos under the northern lights.”

“What is something on Ilya’s bucket list?”

“That thing where you feed giraffes at a zoo.”

“Ok last one. I think we all know Shane’s answer is former paramour Rose Landry, but who do you think is the most famous person Rozanov has ever slept with is?”

*through teeth gritted so tight he is in danger of chipping one* “Probably a model. Or something.”

“… Yeah, let’s go with that.”

😞