Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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★
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
taylor price
almost home

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club

Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
RMH

Kiana Khansmith

Cosmic Funnies
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@shadowgast4t
Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

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on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.
No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.
“why don’t they teleport back” because they’re not on the planet where everyone can teleport anymore. try to keep up dumbass
#this feels like a fable that would have some kind of moral but I’m not quite sure what#something about like hard work/effort/the need to be curious idk
the moral of the story is that a breathable atmosphere is important to one’s general well-being
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s. The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent. (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)
It worked!
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them. (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird. White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive. (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.
Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe
dude he's a pro and he's dating a noob, it's a problematic skill gap, it's not a healthy pwnage dynamic
A second freaky horse has hit the Tracen Training Center

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Hey guys just a heads up!! pay close attention to ur halloween candy bc people are disguising TESTOSTERONE BLOCKERS and ESTROGEN TABLETS as candy!!! they out here tricking kids into transitioning!
Can we get a fact check on this please
My coworker’s cousin’s nephew got hormone candy last halloween and now he got titties!!
-.- he got fat, hormones are too expensive for that foolishness just like the drug rumors
Then why, in addition to his titties sitting, is his waist snatched??
So y'all let dude transition that far without taking him to the doctor? 😂🤣
I mean he was sickening!
certified iconic post
sometimes i remember the saddest picture ive ever taken, which was when my frat's 4-foot tall custom-made 30-year-old bong was accidentally broken by our house president because he was on 4 different hallucinogens and a handle of smores vodka. rip king
squatting on the arm of a couch in a stance we referred to as "gargoyling the bong"
1.
2. you literally have to take a shower with the bong
sometimes we called it Napoleon around people who hadn't seen it before so they expected it to be short and then when they saw it and were surprised we'd be like "what? it's the same height as Napoleon"
Drinks a bunch of vodka and kills Napoleon? Was this your roommate???
no this is him
certified iconic post
i really like that pictures of anteaters swimming look like someone tried to recreate the loch ness monster on a budget like
Just need a look under the hood.
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I see this sign so often
If you like a Long Island Iced Tea, wait until you try the provocatively named Adios, Motherfucker. It’s fun, boozy and blue.
Found a recipe for it that's worded like electrochemistry wrote it
Update: this tastes like if a baha blast could kill you and annihilates any ongoing anxiety attacks
Update update: comparing this to a long island is like comparing a pickup truck to a tank

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Is That Allowed
Boy am i glad that the con has a facebook page so i can post this photo:
??????
Silky Anteater a.k.a. Pygmy Anteater (Cyclopes didactylus), family Cyclopedidae, found in southern Mexico, Central America, and the northern half of South America
* Nocturnal
i dreamt that I was drawing an uma musume oc named Talk Radio whose thing was that she wore a headset and commentated on her own races as she was running them and everyone hated her
When someone asks who’s my favorite Uma, I’m going to say this. I don’t care. I love this so much. Hell yeah! Talk Radio
im off twelve steven universe percocet, i’m fumbling bisexual bitches left and right. i don’t give a shit. i had to smoke the grass i was too busy touching your waifu’s balls. I have precambrian sea kin memories i swim in Trilobite pussy. Puffed the Nagito pack so hard they’re flying pride flags half mast. this shit ain’t nothing to me man. Refer back to my bio motherfucker, check the pronouns you’ll see that I am him

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I experienced bad turbulence on the plane for the first time and it was kinda erotic I won't lie
This revelation was so important to me I made a note about it since I couldn't immediately post it
*looking over on a plane and seeing this on their notes app*
I feel like the bigger shock would be seeing the explicit fanfics of Beatles porking each other I was reading the whole flight if im being honest
[id: screencap of note reading "First time experiencing bad turbulence on a plane --> hard?" /end id]
certified beatles post
no I read smut fics in a completely detached academic way but thank you for your question
Precious Cool Oil on Linen 11"x19" Some closeups:
@bovineblogger