Kelly

A subtle thing I’ve noticed about alloromantic culture and how it’s bothered me is the constant need to ship people romantically, especially real life people. 

The other day I saw a guy and girl, two friends, being close. Someone asked if their siblings, friends, or dating. When someone said they were friends, people were so quick to deny it and be disappointed. They know nothing about these real life people and are quick to assume that there has to be romantic paring. And I just don’t get why people are so invested.

People were quick to blame the girl for friend zoning the guy and make up all this stuff. People can’t seem to be close or do nice things for each other without it being assumed by strangers that they’re secretly in love.

I don’t like the culture around friend zoning either though. It makes it seem like being friends is a terrible thing and that romantic love is the one true thing everyone needs. 

A lot of what these people have said that I’ve seen, are not directly aphobic, but they are very similar to things an aphobe would say.

If gender is fluid, if sexuality is fluid, then romantic orientations are fluid too. All relationships and attraction should be fluid.

I don’t see different ways I should love people. I dont traditionally fall in love romantically. I don’t want a packaged label telling me how I should act in relationships. 

My only goal is to have both parties be happy. 

It’s a rainbow mess, a blur between platonic, sexual, romantic, and alterous attraction. 

Aromantic typically means little to no romantic attraction, however I’ve seen people strictly say it means no attraction. I’m not completely sure of the definition. I think it would be easier to create a term for those who strictly feel no romantic attraction. 

I call myself aromantic, though I am arospec, I’m not going to use the arospec flag or even one of the few identities I have such as the quoiromantic flag. Simply because no one has a single damn clue what it is. People already fail to know what aromantic is to begin with. 

I have this friend and they’re quite sweet, I’ve really enjoyed being around them as of recent. Every time I make a new friend, I feel this happy, warm, and sweet excitement. I want to hug them and be close to them.

(Made for a friend)

I dated someone before I knew I was aro and thinking about it genuinely makes me sad lol. Like I’m kinda sad I can’t say I’ve never dated anyone, even though I know that me being in a past relationship doesn’t change anything about being aro.  

I feel like it was one of my biggest mistakes though I’ve learn to let it go now. I mean in the end it was a good thing right? It helped me figure things out. Maybe I would have taken longer to figure things out if it didn’t happen.

When you find out you’re aro, everything just kinda clicks. I thought about all the times I’d ask people what love was and they’d just tell me I’d feel it someday or give me some vague bullshit definition.

I always kept asking and asking, and still I’m asking. Though that confusion is cemented into my identity of never quite knowing attraction that well. 

I really thought that if I did these romantic things, that I’d feel something different. But it just felt like a clingy friend.

(Context I had a fight with a friend)

To me gay people have some rep but it’s not good. Gay marriage is legal technically in all states but that doesn't mean that people aren't trying to get rid of gay marriage or prevent it. That doesn't mean gay people have equal rights. That doesn't mean they dont get constantly treated differently by everyone around them. Also even if we lived in a world where we were equal which is impossible, I would never give up pride. Because people died and fought to get these rights. People suffered greatly.

I don’t have less respect for activists and people who speak up today then those who spoke up back then. I would say past activists made more of a difference but I’m not here to compare and devalue actions. I’m here to keep fighting.

I don’t mean confusing in a bad way, I just mean like I’m a very very confused aro. Me being aro isn’t a phase or me being confused but being aro itself has caused me to feel unsure about what I feel and such. I hope that no one takes offense to that <3

The reason why being aro or even ace has never been the same as other identities to me is because romance and sex are concepts as well as attraction. My view of romance doesn’t match my inability to feel romantic attraction. Not every aro or ace is repulsed. And for some aspec identities, their identity revolves around how they feel about romantic/sexual attraction.

To me, romantic attraction is more confusing. I mean I’ve definitely questioned my sexuality and even if im ace at times, but I have an easier time distinguishing whether I feel sexual attraction.

But romance, like wtf is that shit? I don’t know what the difference is. I’m sure I haven’t felt romantic attraction yet sometimes I really can’t tell. Romantic and platonic attraction mixes for me. No alloromantic or aromantic person can give you a good definition of what romance is, usually. It’s hard to define, which is why I’m confused even if I’m prideful of my identity.

I hope someone has told you how much they appreciate you, but if they haven’t then I’m here. You’re a lovely person, with a wonderful mind. Even when you are flawed or unhappy, I believe in you to make a better future for yourself. 

As a friend once said to me “You never know, you might be someone’s sun on a rainy day.”

Back when it was aro spec awareness week, I posted this on a classroom board thing where we post our feelings and such. I was pleasantly surprised to know like anyone who knew what it was lmaoo. When school starts again I’m going to wear my aro pin and just loudly put aro stuff everywhere so people know :))

Some Aro Songs! I had fun with the graphic design :) 

Will Jay - Never Been In Love

This song is pretty popular amongst the aro community, I think. Will Jay is a really talented singer and I listen to him normally but I appreciate this catchy up beat denial of romantic culture. There’s a lot of sadness caused by others and culture when we identify as aro, but he presents a happiness in not falling in love. 

bülow - Not A Love Song

This song describes the perspective of an aroallo. Not every aro is asexual by default. I also feel this song is good beyond aromantic culture. Because fuck thinking sex is a sin. People both shame sex and then call people broken for not wanting sex or feeling sexual attraction. And at the end of the day, fuck off. It’s not your business whether people have sex or not.

Danko Jones - Don’t Fall In Love

This song is an upbeat and loud song, calling love bullshit. 

Dearlie - For Me

This song is about asexuality, but works as an aromantic, or aroace song! 

Jetty Bones - No Lover

Not everyone needs a lover, sometimes a friend is more than enough. 

Mike FonzaRelli Roberts - Aromantic 

This aro song is a good description of what aromanticism is. 

NIIC - I Don’t Need Love 

Just another cool song discussing how we don’t need love :) !

Stealth - I Don’t Need Your Love 

This song feels very aro coded to me. I think a lot of aro coded things can be seen as romance repulsed alloromantics or people who talk about the heartbreaks of love. Though we aren’t the same as them and the distinction is important, it’s nice to have those aro vibes.

The Avett Brothers - Pretend Love

What it feels like to be an aro and be in a relationship, but you’re faking the love.

Mother Mother - Alone and Sublime

My favorite band :))) The song is aro coded, especially the line “I wonder, did they make me right? Aren't I supposed to wanna fight for love”

Max Lizanich - Aromantic Moodboard

A lovely aro song about what it feels to be aro.

FluffyEnderBug - Can We Just Be Friends?

This one is real obscure so I linked it :) ! It’s an aromantic version of the phrase “can we just be friends?”.

Aromantic - Lee Porteous

Also slightly unknown. Just a soft and gentle song about someone discovering they’re aro.

This playlist was fun for me to make! I hope you liked it and feel free to share more songs below :)