he/him, biologist 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️💜 my saddest yeehaw ever :( (this blog is the result of losing access to an almost 10yo blog *sob*) I blog abt whatever at this point. common themes include: bugs, art, nature, wildlife, and poetry 🌲
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“If you promise to stay alive just a little bit longer I promise that we are going to make this world a place worth living in by any means necessary. I ain’t giving up. I swear.”
It's nuts how common it is to not allow children to be angry, even (especially) in households where adults are angry all the time. As a child I knew my own anger was unacceptable--not just expressing it outwardly but feeling it at all. So now as an adult my immediate reaction to my own anger is often to feel guilt instead of like. Noticing when someone is being rude or unfair or my boundaries are being violated or whatever. fucked up.
to this day "who is allowed to be angry" has been an incredible benchmark for teasing out who, in abusive situations with mutual accusations and DARVO happening, is being abusive and who is being abused. one of my favorite resources about this, the Creative Interventions Toolkit, phrases the question "who sets the weather?" in the relationship and I think about it so so often when I think about my own childhood. I was parentified in a way that set me up for future abusive relationships, because I had to soothe my parents' anger while not being allowed to feel angry myself. I am extremely grateful to everyone outside myself - friends, therapists, partners - who's gotten angry on my behalf about how I'm treated or let me know something I'd been excusing or blaming myself for was actually Not Okay. I guess the good news here is that it's possible to learn how to access anger again in a healthy way, it just takes support, like doing physical therapy for a muscle that didn't develop quite right.
This is not to say that feeling anger is abusive; it's human to feel anger. But if you've ever felt like your anger was "unjustified" or were afraid to express it outwardly because you expected it to be dismissed ... ask yourself how you would react if the roles were reversed. I find that a lot of folks who were The Grown Up in a relationship with their parents hold themselves to much different standards than they hold other people.
I've seen plenty of situations that involve two or more people hurting each other and not admitting any fault because they want to protect their own egos. But. Notice when you think you're not entitled to be upset about something. When someone tells you you shouldn't be upset. There's a difference between taking your anger out on other people and just. Being allowed to feel angry.
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All it means when people say “you’re speaking from a place of privilege” is that you’re likely to underestimate how bad the problem is by default because you are never personally exposed to that problem. It’s not a moral judgement of how difficult your life is.
One time when I was a kid a group of girls and I had to treat another student for hypothermia by ourselves because she had so many invisible health issues that the adults we asked for help didn't believe us. The student in question was actively hallucinating. When I finally ran for help the people I grabbed were slow as shit to respond, casually joking about how "dramatic" the person in question was.
The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.
Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.
I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.
Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.
"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."
"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."
"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"
Sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart- as someone who isn't physically disabled but hears this shit all the time- fuck off
A selection of some of our fave Harvey Guillén fashion moments in 2025!
Harvey showcased a lot of new designers throughout the year, alongside his ongoing collaborations with Christian Siriano!
His Emmys fashion journey showed this in microcosm: he slayed in Bishme Cromartie to announce the Emmy nominations, in Siriano at the Creative Arts Emmys, in Harry Halim at the Primetime Emmys, and in Cucculelli Shaheen at the post-Emmys parties.
Harvey continued to highlight sheer textures in his looks and added a new twist with temporary tattoos on his arms for a couple of red carpets. He introduced pleated pieces by Homme Plissé Issey Miyake and explored new ways to show some skin with backless outfits by Siriano and Jonathan Marc Stein early in the year. He leaned into leather with a stunning photoshoot also in Jonathan Marc Stein, repped fat positivity with a Mameko Maeda Tenga X Artist sweater, and featured eco-friendly fashion with Romina Cardillo at the premiere of Companion. Plus, he revived one of his earliest fashion collabs, with Ashton Michael, at the 2025 Latine Honors.
Edit: Look below the cut for the events and designers for each look!
Which 2025 Harvey fashion moment is your favorite? We can't wait to see what he wears in 2026!
Events and designers, from left to right and top to bottom:
In Cucculelli Shaheen for 2025 post-Emmys parties
In Jonathan Marc Stein for 2025 Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscars Viewing party
In Christian Siriano for Siriano's 2025 NYFW show
In Romina Cardillo at the Companion film premiere
In Romina Cardillo (Nous Étudions) for the Companion film premiere
In Christian Siriano at the 2025 Critics Choice Awards
In Harry Halim at the 2025 Primetime Emmys
In Simone Rocha and Homme Plissé Issey Miyake for a photoshoot
In Ashton Michael for the 2025 GLAAD Latine Honors
In Mameko Maeda (TXA - Tenga by Artist) at the 2025 Vanities Party
In Siriano with Vitaly accessories for the 2025 NHMC Impact Awards
In Homme Plissé Issey Miyake with a Zimomo on Jimmy Kimmel Live hosted by Tiffany Haddish
In Jonathan Marc Stein for a photoshoot in NYC
In a leather corset top at the Real Women Have Curves Broadway premiere
In Blake Patterson with Vitaly and Frou York accessories at the Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Road Trip premiere
In Christian Siriano at the 2025 Creative Arts Emmys
In Alexander McQueen for Museum Store Sunday
In Dickson Lim for a photoshoot
In Bishme Cromartie for the 2025 Emmy nominations announcement
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I made a travel Backgammon set! The yellow paint, which was supposed to be orange, really bled under the stencil but the crisp black lines save it. I took the design straight from my great-grandparents' set:
This is mostly going to be used for playing my friends when we are at the bar 🍻
“No one is coming to save you.” I disagree ! I believe many people made up of many small moments come to save pieces of you , even if just briefly. The mentor who believed in you . The friend who said they’re proud of you. The family member that makes you laugh . The random person who held the door for you out of nothing but kindness. The teacher who took extra time to help you understand. The person who smiled at you when you walked into a store. The little kid who looks up to you. The person who randomly complimented you. Being “saved” isn’t about being whisked away and all your hardships gone, it’s about the people and things that remind you life is not all hardships, it is kindness, love, gentleness, softness, care, thoughtfulness. It is many moments made up of your lifetime that keeps you going and showing you the world is still beautiful, and will always be. Despite.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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