It feels so surreal. I've never felt something that quite close ever. To actively doubting that I'm not in a long and quite awful, heartbreaking dream.
My most favorite person died on 11th June. She was my most important person. My grandma even tho I've never called her that. I never wanted to call either of my grandmas like that, it always felt like that title aged them when they weren't old... And Ninon was always my parent first and foremost.
I grew up with my grandparents. From 3rd day and onward. Ninon told me how when I was still in a stroller and she and grandpa (Deda) were walking with me, their neighbors always asked "how did you keep it from everyone that you had a second child?". She was 48 when I was born. People could still have a lil kid at that age after all.
She was always there for me, through my sick (and I got sick very often), my worst times, my best times, through my school and my uni; even if she didn't like that I chose the hardest faculty and was so against it :') only because she wanted me to have it easier. I never even in my lowest points doubted that loved me.
She was the most caring person I know, aside from Deda. At the same time she was so sharp tongued and so witty and so so sassy. Sometimes that hurt, but thats who she was. And I still love her for it.
I was... Honestly blessed in my life for not having much death in my family. I still knew that it would come eventually, but not like this. I always wanted for all of my family a peaceful moving on. Without pains, sick and in bright mind.
Way back in March she was the healthiest person. At 77 mind you. She never really took any meds, never had much to complain about her general health. Never had a book at a clinic. What she started to have... Comparatively short time ago is arrhythmia. And thats was the only thing she got meds for last year. And then... Everything started to fall apart. I'll not go into much details, but she was in a lot of pain, that even the strongest of narcotics couldn't help... But for the last week before... She was without pain and in the sleep. Just wish it was different circumstances.
I was... Glad that almost all of us could gather together today. Even if she would look at all of us and say “Gathered for the sake of this old nag, I don't even look like myself” and then drank her gin-tonic that she loved a lot.
I want to remember all things she loved. Her orchids on her windowsill, our garden with jasmine bushes, roses, lilacs, carnations (she got all of them today), she loved her black coffee with 2 teaspoons of sugar, she smoked a lot, played preference, canasta and uno (she actually taught me and all of us how to play Canasta and it became THE thing our Addams family is known for), she loved the sea, she loved sunsets, she loved to get tanned, she loved all of our dogs (and 4 of our pack are there with her now), she loved the music and shows about music, like Voice and Masked Singer. She had the ear for it. She loved reading, she gave me that love for books. She loved detective tv shows and we watched them together from Colombo, Murder she wrote, to Castle, Bones and many many more. And she loved us.
I'm gonna miss her so much.
Люблю тебя очень сильно, Нинон.
