"Nana, there's this thing they invented back in the 80s called being a switch—" *I am hit over the head with a wooden spoon so hard it splinters.*

(getting a taste of my own medicine) actually this is okay. Is this what you guys have bene whining about? Jesus christ

you can be peeling a boiled egg and think to yourself wow. that was so simple. and then you peel another one and it’s like being in the throes of war. shell everywhere. egg mangled. tears in your eyes. that’s how god keeps you humble

GIRLSSS NIGHTTTT🍷💅🏻

Genuinely, one of the measures that's stopped book banning the most when districts implement it, is having the would-be banners fill out a form that demonstrates if they've read the book or not. Like where they have the summarize the plot and characters and do a mini book report and give a review. It stops them in their tracks. This is why in my high school, every time someone wanted to ban a book it ended up going nowhere. There was one where a conservative student wanted to ban the manga "Legal Drug" for having a marijuana leaf on the cover, then got the form that required them to actually read and either balked, or read it and realized it was not pro-drug at all. (The other one that reduces book bans even further is "requiring the would-be banner to be affiliated with this actual school in some way, either by being a student, faculty/staff or a parent of a child at the school" because the vast majority of bans are "activists" with no affiliation with the school who just travel around trying to do this in districts all over the U.S. IIRC a few years ago someone crunched the numbers and just 51 parents were responsible for all the book bans that year nationally. 51! In a country with 50 states, with over 300 million people total!)

Laws like this indeed do a lot to stop fascist book censorship. They can also help legally protect librarians from getting fired or harassed for keeping books on the shelves! Some states like Rhode Island have already passed these laws. If you're in a blue state, look up whether you have laws like this on the books. MAYBE your state is trying to get one passed right now, like New York's Freedom to Read bill. call your state elected officials to voice support for it.

can i be a big hater about something unrelated for a second

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

average sized cylindrical object

#what if we gave a german shepherd meth? (via @madtomedgar)

The other day I was at the grocery store and when I was leaving the clerk said "Have an ice day! :)" and I asked "Don't you mean, 'have a nice day'?" and she said "No :)" and I walked outside and looked north and saw the horizon hidden behind mile-high walls of blue and white crystal twinkling like diamonds in the sunlight. A herd of mastodons trundled down the interstate, cracking the pavement and shaking the earth with their ponderous tread. A cold, dry wind blew.

@tiredfoxtf

@rat-rosemary