power doesn't panic

That is the best thing any gay boyfriend of mine has ever told me.

ten years since i started shipping sambucky… these two have grown up with me and i will love them forever 🙏🏾🤍

in case anyone wanted to see my first sambucky fanart, from july 2016😭 wow how things have changed

I’m in my mid-thirties and I have never had sex. I’ve thought about it and could have had one or two opportunities if I put in more effort, but I always decided against it because I just wasn’t into it at the time.

I can safely say that I do not feel I have missed out on anything. I was perfectly capable, by myself, of learning about my own body and boundaries without anyone else there to muddy the waters. The immense pressure that was there in my teens/twenties to Have Sex Just Do It is basically gone. I’m vibing. I’ve got my routine by myself in bed that I enjoy, and that’s enough for me.

And in the unlikely event that I ever decide to have sex with someone in the future, I don’t feel at all like I’m lacking some essential Knowledge or Skill that would “make it good” for someone else. I fully expect to ask my partner out loud what they like and to receive an answer clearly communicated and to relax and have fun. And if it’s a disappointing experience, I’m fine with that too. It is what it is.

some fans try to grapple with this contradiction by interpreting him as a homophobic or otherwise bigoted dudebro who needed to be narratively forcefemmed by the league's homophobia and ilya's magical healing white cock. i find this deeply dissatisfying because it's propelled by a reactionary impulse to justify the text's central (racist) conceit and, where it does seek to challenge the racial fetishization, it does so by reinforcing the implicit supremacy of hegemonic masculinity. canon shane is effeminized, fetishized, underwritten, and a frequent victim of his peers' bigotry, so fans respond by transforming him into a more masculine and bigoted character. his white hockey player counterparts who textually conform to the sport's gender roles in contrast with shane and have implications of being racist—scott travelled to "exotic" places to sleep with men, ryan and ilya both fetishize their respective partner's race—are excised of these complications to explore how they heroically overcome their white supremacist patriarchal sports culture.

both the books and the fandom actualize the occident through construction of the inferior orient. canon shane is repeatedly targeted by racially charged homophobia purely so the books can explore how this impacts the feelings of white gay characters. fanon shane is distorted into a perpetrator whose selfish cowardice foils his white counterparts' bravery. canon shane strives to be an unselfish lover to his female partners against every gay instinct in his body and pushes back at hayden for saying jackie got "fixed." fanon shane is a misogynistic creep, while ilya who canonically ignores shane's protests in bed without prior negotiation (the most egregious example that comes to mind is in chapter 27 of the long game, while cliff is right outside their hotel room) is reconfigured into a consent king who drinks his respect women juice in lieu of challenging the implications of this romance genre convention. canon shane worries about his former training mate who is an openly gay speed skater and thinks whichever nhl players comes out first would be "brave" but is reluctant to be that person due to the disproportionate harassment he already faces. fanon shane is judging other gay characters for being out and putting themselves at risk, while white characters are enthusiastic allies. canon shane wants to be more in tune with queer culture and be less ashamed of his queerness, and he admires characters like max and leah and fabian whom he is in community with. fanon shane rejects community and solidarity and has to be coaxed into being an ally by the white characters around him

Dec. 2025: Feeling thankful for the opportunity to perform and have his talent recognized through Heated Rivalry

vs.

I am so far away from home. I am so afraid but I cannot show it. I’m going to be all on my own out there and people are not kind to me. I’ve always been alone, but never this kind of alone before. I don’t really know you, but you seemed kind. And earnest. You would not lie to me. Is it safe? Will I be happy there and safe? Boston is nice too?

The only people he knows in all of North America right now are Boston’s GM and this cute, earnest, kind-seeming boy his own age. The GM is his new boss, so he can’t tell that guy he’s scared. Especially since the GM may not be favourably disposed to him since Ilya’s dad told the GM he’s lazy.

Shane is the only peer, the only person he knows on this continent who isn’t a stranger and doesn’t hold the power of life or death over Ilya’s fledgling career. And he’s cute! And sweet, and kind, even to Ilya.

[ survey.gendercensus.com ]

The 13th annual international gender census, collecting information about the language we use to refer to ourselves and each other, is now open until 13th August 2026.

It’s short and easy, for most participants it takes 5 minutes or less.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a report summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, and share the survey URL by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks. Every share is extremely helpful!

Survey URL: https://survey.gendercensus.com

The survey is open to anyone anywhere who speaks English and feels that the gender binary doesn’t fully describe their experience of themselves and their gender(s) or lack thereof.

Thank you so much!

"That's not going to help," Shane tells him.

"Oh," says Ilya, deadpan. "They don't know I play for Boston?"

On the surface, it's funny. Haha, Ilya choosing the worst possible shirt to wear to meet his future in-laws. But underneath, it seems possible - even probable - that this was a calculated choice. Ilya, as we know, is a master of self-sabotage. He is also a big fan of cutting things off before they have a way of being taken away from him. At this point, his and Shane's relationship has just been outed to Shane's parents in one of the worst ways possible. There are obviously worse ways for it to have happened, but Shane is panicking, and Ilya knows he's panicking, and while Ilya may not show it externally, I would wager that he is almost certainly also panicking inside. Because he and Shane had just - literally just - agreed to try and make things work. While they've been hooking up for the better part of a decade, this new phase of their relationship is terrifyingly new and fragile.

It seems likely that while Shane had thrown on some random outfit and paced a hole in the floor before deciding to take himself outside to pace some more, Ilya, who had stayed behind to figure out his own outfit, had told himself that this was very likely the end of their nascent relationship. Or, at the very least, a big hurdle to overcome not even one day in. After all, as Ilya well knows, Shane's mother is Not going to be a fan of Ilya, not least because he is captain of a rival team, but also because he has garnered the reputation of being the "biggest asshole in the league". Nobody really likes him. Ilya is inured to this simple fact. Shane's parents - especially his hockey-loving mother - are not going to be any different.

And, so, Ilya, left alone to his devices and the demons in his mind, decides that he might as well lay it all out now and remind Shane's parents of exactly who he is. Yes, he's Ilya Rozanov, their son's apparent arch-rival since they were rookies, captain of the Boston Raiders, notorious playboy who has slept with who-knows-how-many women. Remind them of the worst parts of him, is Ilya's logic. Let this blow up now, while Ilya has only just gotten a taste of what he could have with Shane. Yes, it will probably destroy Ilya to lose this now, but he could maybe still put himself back together if it happens now, than if it were to happen further down the track, when he's let himself become too comfortable and secure in this thing with Shane. Because if he lost Shane then, Ilya would probably never recover.