I know a lot of you are fans of the Ilya has trouble getting hard/achieving orgasm on his meds headcanon. And I agree, there are sooo many delicious fics and headcanons based on this (but if I‘m honest I don’t trust Miss R with the intricacies of this dynamic and would rather it didn’t appear in book 3…but I digress)
But have you considered: Ilya can’t drink on his meds.
Imagine them at the club after their first cup win with the Centaurs. Shane is absolutely wasted, having the time of his life, and Ilya is also having the time of his life stone cold sober, cause he gets to see his husband let loose and then afterwards he gets to drive him home and bridal carry him to bed and feed him a glass of water and make him a greasy breakfast the next morning because Shane is hungover. Like, that is his baby!
Imagine the Centaurs at the barbecue passing around a blunt and Shane looks kinda interested actually. He has been depriving himself his whole life, he kinda wants to try. So obviously Ilya can read this on his face and is like: Shanya you can try. I will take care of you, don‘t worry I‘m here. So then Ilya gets to witness Shane getting high for the first time and Shane is absolutely trying to crawl into Ilya‘s skin in front of god and everybody and every single one of the Centaurs. Shane and Harris both get the munchies so now they are standing in Bood‘s kitchen a little after midnight arguing over how to make apple pie. Harris is like: I‘m the king of apples! I know this! And Shane is like: Well. I have never baked anything in my entire life but I‘m still pretty sure I am correct. And then they are both giggling and shoving each other and they end up covered in flour. And Ilya is standing in the kitchen doorway arms crossed stone cold sober, has never been more lucid and present, and thinks: this is the best moment of my life. Like, he keeps complaining to Shane that he misses Vodka, but he doesn‘t. He would not trade this for anything and he knows Shane only lets loose 100% because he trusts Ilya to protect and take care of him.
And then the next morning Ilya wakes Shane with little kisses on his face like: Good Morning Shanya *kiss* can you tell me *kiss* why is there so much flour *kiss* in my car? Hm? *kiss* It‘s all over the seats? *kiss* any idea how that happened? *kiss*
And Shane is like: *grumble grumble* Shut uuuuup *hits him with a pillow*
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When Shane gets traded to Ottawa, Harris posts a pic of itty bitty toddler Shane in an Ottawa Centaurs jersey that he is absolutely drowning in (it‘s David‘s) cheesing like there is no tomorrow, next to a pic of current Shane in his new Centaurs jersey with the caption: welcome home, Shane.
I do really love the idea that Shane is bad at being gay and doesn't get queer culture at all and kind of stands on the edges.
But I also really enjoy the idea of him saying something bitchy under his breath once, that just happens to be caught by one of the gay guys at the party, and now he's surrounded by the loudest, outest, gayest men who are all gleefully pointing to various people at the party or shoving their phones in his face to hear his bitchy opinions.
They form a big group, and eventually Ilya comes along thinking he has to rescue Shane, but he quickly realizes Shane is having a great time being judgemental with the lads.
To be clear, Shane still knows nothing about fashion, but he knows what looks stupid, and he knows when people are trying too hard, and he knows what good, expensive shit looks like so he can clock any knock-off from a mile away.
And the gays can help point out why the things he thinks are ugly are, in fact, ugly.
I also really like the idea of him ganging up with Kip at the awards night and just reading all the other hockey players to filth. Like, Kip just giddy and giggling at his side while Shane systematically destroys every person who walks by (his husband included). He's quoting stats. He's bringing up known (and sometimes unknown) character flaws. He's pulling old plays from memory and breaking down exactly why and how that player fucked up and what it means about him as a person.
And Kip is just like "No! Oh my god, stop!! No, don't actually stop, say more right now!" 😈
The first time Shane and Ilya go to Ottawa pride, Shane doesn't really want to. But Harris has been talking about how its one of his favorite days for weeks and Ilya lights up like a little kid every time it comes up, so Shane is going.
So is Troy, who seems equally enthusiastic, so at least Shane isn't alone.
But he still worries when he sees Ilya all decked out in a rainbow tank top that has to be at least a size too small. He glances down at his own outfit, something he'd wear any other day, and asks,
"should I change?"
Ilya cocks his head and goes "do you want to?"
And Shane doesn't have to answer he very clearly does not want to.
"I just worry that-"
"that people will not know you are gay? I think I can help with that." Ilya smirks and grabs Shane's ass. Shane shoves him away but he's smiling.
They meet Harris and Troy in a parking garage a few blocks from the parade and Shane comes close to laughing because Harris is wearing a flag as a cape and Troy is wearing jeans and a centaurs t shirt.
"see?" Ilya says "you can wear whatever"
"I actually have something for you," Harris says, and hands both Shane and Troy a baseball cap with the terrible centaurs pride logo.
"they were a limited run and they didn't sell well," he explains. Shane gets why. But he likes the hat. It feels manageable.
The parade still doesn't quite feel manageable. He can already hear the crowd, and he knows, just KNOWS that in just a few minutes, for better or worse, all of their attention is going to be directed at HIM. That's where it always ends up.
"Shane?" He hadn't realized he was staring off into space until Ilya brings him back to earth. "We do not have to go"
"you really want to," Shane says.
"yes," Ilya shrugs, "but if you turn this around," he starts to turn Shane's baseball cap backwards, "I won't be able to resist taking you home and fucking you."
"Ilya! This is what does it for you?"
"You do it for me, Hollander"
Shane turns the cap backwards and grabs Ilya's hand. "Let's go see a parade"
"you are trying to kill me?"
"maybe!" Shane laughs.
They all walk down the parking garage stairs and it hits Shane that he's holding Ilya's hand. They're in his hometown, on the streets he grew up on, at a parade he never imagined he'd be able to attend. Ilya is beaming.
"it is not like this in Russia," he says when Shane asks a silent question. "If there was a parade for people like us, it would be called 'Shame,' not Pride." He offers a little laugh at his joke, but there is sadness behind his eyes. Shane kisses him, deep and insistent. Harris cheers. So do a few strangers.
There it is. Recognition. Finally. Shane breaks the kiss preparing himself for the conversation. But it doesn't happen, even when they pull apart and let the strangers see their faces. It's a couple teenagers. Shane wonders if they've ever seen a hockey game. He has to remind himself it's not sad if they haven't.
"saved by the nerds, huh?" Troy says, and Shane nearly chokes laughing.
They find a place to watch the parade and Shane ends up on the end of their row next to another teenager, maybe 16 or so. But he's not a nerd. He sees Shane and his eyes go wide with recognition.
"Shane Hollander?"
Shane nods, and behind him, Ilya leans over to look at the kid, tightening his grip on Shane's hand like he's daring the kid to say something stupid.
"I joined the baseball team," the kid says.
"that's great," Shane says. He's had weirder interactions with fans.
"I came out when I was 13 and kind of thought that meant I would never play sports again? But then we had you and Troy Barret, and I really missed baseball, and I know it's not always going to be easy, but you have it all, you know? Maybe I can too. Probably not, like, professionally because I'm terrible and I want to be a historian but it's really fun and I missed it a lot. So thank you."
Shane stammers for a second. He has a dozen media perfected answers for every possible question but no fucking clue what to say to this kid.
"I was the opposite," Ilya says over his shoulder. "I started playing hockey very young and thought that my sexuality would just stay in a box for the rest of my life. We are the same now though," he says to the kid, "Shane Hollander made me think maybe I could have everything."
"I'm glad you're playing baseball," Shane says around something he doesn't want to talk about in his throat.
"do you want a picture with them?" Harris asks. Shane forgot he was there.
They take a picture with the kid and sign the little flag he's holding and turn back towards the parade.
Ilya puts an arm around Shane's shoulders.
"this is why I wanted to come," he says. "I like these fans."
Shane does too.
He also doesn't mind knowing he's with the hottest person here. When the parade starts, Ilya dances along to the music. Shane lets himself get pulled into it, lets himself laugh when Ilya lifts up their arms to spin around, lets himself just be.
They go home having signed more autographs and taken more photos, but it didn't make Shane tired like it usually does. He thinks it's because he never stopped being himself to sign them. He didn't have to pause his personal life and stuff it down. These people were excited for all of him. Even the gay part. Hell, maybe ESPECIALLY the gay part.
Ilya kisses the back of his hand as he drives. "Now, we have to do something about that hat," he purrs.
"what are you going to do about it?" Shane smirks
"Shane! I will die before I can get home to fuck you if you keep teasing like this!"
Shane had been worried. But it turned out to be a pretty great day.
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okay but Shane takes a hit late in the game and doesn't return so in the post-game presser somebody (they're new, they don't know any better, they will never make this mistake again) asks Ilya "how's Hollander's head" and Ilya experiences every emotion at once as he wrestles with the lingering terror of seeing the love of his life take five seconds too long to get up (he's fine) and also the sheer delight at being offered this perfect, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity on a silver platter
and with absolutely heroic effort, ilya says something entirely boring and appropriate about concussions, can't be too careful but thankfully nothing to worry about this time, Hollander will be back in time to crush the Pamphlets, yada yada, because he is a good husband and respects Shane's boundaries, and then they're walking to the car to finally go home and Shane is holding an icepack and there are still a couple reporters milling about and some asshole yells "hey Hollander, you sure your head's okay?"
and Shane looks directly into their phone camera and says, "I don’t know, you'll have to ask my husband"
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I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:
Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.
Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"
Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."
They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.
Met Gala AU in which Connor was styled by me instead of the officewear division of ysl.
Lore
James Yardley said that he and Connor had been talking about creating a look inspired by Greek gods and wanted to reference Antinous*. But when the ysl people got involved, they decided Connor was going to wear an off the rack look (that at least two other celebrities wore as early as 2024 before Connie from Admin wore it best this year).
*Antinous was barely a Greek god, but close enough. Even more tragically - we could've had Connor on the red carpet with his natural hair, curls out and stuff. Antinous was Emperor Hadrian's lover and after he died tragically at 20 years old, Hadrian deified him and a number of temples and statues were made across the empire to worship him.
Inspired by handsywoman's post about ysl and @hudconov who wished for Connor in a backless dress. No dress here, but to make this vision more feminine, imagine that the pants have no pockets, the whole look requires 39 strips of fashion tape to stay in place, and he has to undress completely in order to pee.
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ilya is high one time and it’s nearing the end of august and he’s sitting on the back porch of the cottage and anya is laying on the floor beside him while he idly scritches at her ears. they’re watching the sun set as a chill breeze whistles through the trees. anya turns to look up at ilya, opens her mouth, and says in a voice that creaks and whispers like an ancient oak blowing in the wind, “the cold months are nearing, your grace. i shall begin collecting the tithes of blood for to appease the old gods, so you and your lord husband may have an easy winter.” ilya stares at her and goes “waow this weed is fucking crazy”
We can all agree that Connor and Hudson are the perfect Ilya and Shane. They embody them 1000%. They are shapeshifters who fully become Hollanov. HOWEVER, and I think this is kinda ironic, in real life Hudson and Connor are somehow BOTH Fabian Salah.
