Jules

stealing is a crime AND drugs is a crime too BUT if you steal drugs the two crimes cancel out and it is like basically doing a good. trust me i am a lawyerman

i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed

y-you knyow, i get i-it. b-beinyg w-waised as a supewstaw must be weawwy, weawwy d-difficuwt f-fow you. awways a c-commodity, nyevew a-a humany beinyg, ny-nyot a sinygwe pewsony iny youw f-famiwy thinykinyg you’we w-wowth a damny o-off t-the c-couwt— yeah, s-sounyds w-wough. keviny a-anyd i-i tawk about youw i-inytwicate anyd enydwess daddy issues aww the t-time. i knyow it’s nyot e-enytiwewy youw fauwt that you awe menytawwy unybawanyced a-anyd inyfected with these d-dewusionys o-of gwanydeuw, a-anyd i-i k-knyow you’we p-physicawwy inycapabwe o-of howdinyg a decenyt conyvewsationy w-with a-anyyonye w-wike e-evewy othew nyowmaw humany beinyg cany, b-but i dony’t t-thinyk anyy of u-us shouwd h-have t-to p-put up with this m-much of youw b-buwwshit. pity onywy gets y-you s-so manyy c-conycessionys, anyd you u-used youws up about s-six inysuwts a-ago. so pwease, pwease, j-just shut t-the f-fuck up anyd weave us a-awonye. X3

anyway jeff bezos could eradicate homelessness. he could literally give each homeless person 100k and it would only take less than .5% of his entire wealth. what the actual god giving fuck

Why do you think they deserve it

imagine laying in bed and instead of pulling on your legs or whatever, a demon straight up just smacks your ass

I mean What’s the demon look like

my brother just prank called the auto parts store he works at asking if they had fallopian tubes and the guy spent like 20 minutes looking lmao 

There were two professors like this in my department and I was one of like 20 people who was taught by both of them so there was a very small gang of us who knew that Professor Brick Wall and Professor Overshare were married with two kids.

So apparently I just picked up an $8,000 organ off of the curb

The few seconds before I realized you meant the instrument were terrifying

let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation

Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out

fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done

let’s clean one up for the janitors

what on earth

tchaikovsky is proud

In case anyone is baffled by this, there’s a Tchaikovsky piece in which there’s supposed to be a loud sound but he never specified what you should use to make that sound. People have done all kinds of weird shit depending on how they think the sound should, well, sound. Hitting a large piece of wood with a sledgehammer is a relatively conventional one.

gays what is your wisdom on this saturday

what’s your true power??

it’s the power to give all the gays a really nice day… if you’re reading this and you’re gay something good is gonna happen to you because i said so

kittens are so fucking stupid & i love them

thats not stupid, that’s The Dream