Ask Me About My Lobotomy

the introvert urge to say “no worries either way” when you’re actually worrying both ways plus a secret third way

“why do you have a gap in your resume” idk why is there a gap in your staff. worry about that

you’re 23 and you learn rosemary kennedy was lobotomized at 23 and you’re like my god she was barely an adult. then you’re 27 and you’re like holy hell amy winehouse was just starting her life. and then, presumably, you reach 36 and you’re like christ alive marilyn monroe was only 36. and so on and so forth

i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.

open image in new tab was there for me when no one else was

fucking spot the difference game

I’m deficient in vitamins they haven’t even discovered yet

my kink is more subversive and avant-garde than yours. your kink could be easily understood with a few googlé searches but mine requires lengthy knowledge of classical and modern literature. and it’s more taboo as well.

kicked out of the debate for interrupting all my opponent's arguements by saying "me when i'm a dipshit idiot" and then threatening to kill them in increasingly erotic tones

Ive hired 2,000 finches to eat your freshly sown lawn seed

your scent processing being so close to memory in your brain is insane sometimes you step outside and take a whiff and go "ah, it smells like playing pokemon emerald in my third grade afterschool program in the crisp september of 2006"

tough fucking luck losing my cart and my pack of camels in the same 48 hour period i suspect that it may have been ghouls

are you a medieval silk road merchant