Just livin' life

Normally I can cope easily with my ADHD, and even celebrate my having it, but academic testing is another thing entirely.

If we break down academic testing, there are at least 2 things they are testing you on: 

1) your knowledge over the curriculum.  2) your ability to remember information. 

That second one is what gets me. And guess what? Every test tests you on that one. I am an unfortunate test taker because I lack the ability to retrieve information from my memory at the same standard as everyone else. 

Today, I spent 6 hours, so far, studying for my Humanities Midterm. I wrote 8 pages of organized, color-coded notes and 21 flashcards with names, dates, locations and significance- utilizing lecture notes, the textbook, handouts, powerpoints, the internet and other classmates.

But I will most likely still get a C.

Because I am not good at remembering information. And it makes testing so, extremely hard. For years, teachers approached me and told me that I had to try harder, only recently have I proved my case to my professors because I show them all my studying materials. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the problem is solved. Normally I get a, “well go to the study center next time,” or, “try a new method,” and I am exhausted of it.

In my state, regularized testing is higher than anywhere else. Translation: they test us more frequently than anyone else. And for someone like me, it’s like a set up for failure. If you obviously don’t need to test this much to learn the material, why are we spending so much money to test?

I would rather spend my time learning the material then cramming for a test. 

Testing doesn’t teach you anything but how to fill in a circle and how to utilize short-term memory.

I wish something could be done, but I am not naive. Our schooling system has a lot more wrong with it than excessive academic testing.

And I know, to most of you, this is an overreaction and it can’t be seen as a big deal to you. But if you imagine living the way I am describing, and placing yourself in that situation every day, you have to understand how difficult that would be.

C'est la vie.

Regardless

Today, I will continue studying for my midterm.

Tomorrow, I will make a C.

Daft Punk has been my all time most favorite music group in the whole wide world since I was in middle school!!! I’m a girl who can’t remember... like anything. But I CAN remember EXACTLY where, when and how I came across Daft Punk for the VERY FIRST TIME. 

It was Technologic, 6th grade in Ms. Broersma’s English class in portable 1.

I’ve been hooked ever since. Just ask my phone with every song on it starting with the Homework Album, Discovery Vinyl Album, Daft Punk shirt, mouse pad (cause I live in the 90s in my heart) and playlist titled “Daft Punk Trash.” 

Opportunity is something you find, not something that finds you.

That is my #1 thing I would like to get across.

When I was young, I thought opportunity would find me even if I gave it little to no reason to. I would think, “if I sing at the talent show, maybe a talent scout would find me and it would be my big break,” “if I take these dramatic pictures of myself modeling, maybe a modeling agency will see them and offer me a job.” 

Unrealistic daydreams. 

After much logical processing, and no finger pointing, I  concluded that I had something that I dubbed as, Cinderella Syndrome. 

So what am I talking about when I say, Cinderella Syndrome? 

In the Disney movie, Cinderella, she spent every day the exact same way, living a life she hated. But she did little, to nothing, to actively change her life. Until one day, a Fairy Godmother provided her an opportunity to dance at the ball with the prince and her life changed forever.

Cinderella Syndrome is when someone waits day after day doing the same exact thing waiting for some opportunity to whisk them away and change their life forever.

That is an unrealistic daydream.

I love the movie The Princess and the Frog because Tiana’s father in the movie says to her, that wishing on a star will only get her part of the way toward obtaining her dream. That she’s going to have to work hard and persevere for what she wants. 

That is how you obtain opportunities.

If you want to sing, you can’t expect singing once at a talent show will get you there. Or one audition will make someone recognize you for all your worth. If you want something you have to work hard. You have to create your own opportunities.

People often compare opportunities to doors. Sometimes doors are open, and sometimes they shut. What I say is, open them yourself. 

This past few years I have had more opportunities than ever before. I’ve also worked harder than I ever have in my life: I made an award winning film, I’ve worked with big companies like Love’s Travel Stops, I’ve worked on ads with politicians, I’ve been offered media jobs, animating jobs and editing jobs, I’ve been offered modeling jobs and even a record label has contacted me for my singing. 

I’m not saying this to brag at all, but what I am saying is, I didn’t get all this opportunity by sitting on my butt and waiting for it. I went and worked hard for it. I opened those doors for myself.

Why would anyone open a door for me if I didn’t do anything to show them I wanted or deserved it?

We are all followers

All we do all day is follow

We, as people, are so contented just by sitting in front of a desktop of handheld screen looking at someone else’s life, interests or passions and hungering for what they have. 

Is this a big deal? Yes it is.

We are so invested in each other’s lives that we are not living our own. It is like the concept of video game addiction: you get this

fake sense of achievement

by scrolling though someone’s feed who has something you want, participates in something you want to or is living a life that you want. Because in that moment you can feel what it’s like, or what you think it’s like, to have what you want.

How is that at all beneficial to you?

How are we supposed to follow our dreams or progress at all if all we’re doing is trying to live through the success of others? 

And for a moment think bigger than each of us as individuals, what happens to the population? Or the country? Without any go-getters, dreamers, hard-workers and tryers, where will the next ideas come from? Where will any progression be? 

Where will the leaders be?

If everyone is following, it is only a matter of time before there’s no one left to follow. 

Be a follower