SantaRobin's DBZ Nonsense

Whenever I write about the surly Saiyan, chills go throughout my body, mainly because I fear for the response I’ll get from DBZ fans. I’ve made myself out to be quite the Yamcha defender in my time here and there was that one time I called Vegeta stupid. I’m pretty sure if I conducted a study on DBZ fans, 80% of them would be Vegeta fans. And why not? He’s the product of Goku’s biggest strength and weakness: mercy. He’s cool when he’s pissed and cool when he’s pissy. Makes a pretty good fighter, too.

HOWEVER...

There is one aspect of him I never liked, which ironically and paradoxically makes him a good character: his character development. Look, don’t get me wrong. Cool idea. I’ve heard many things about blowing himself up to defeat Majin Buu or whatever. I dunno the context there but still, cool idea.

HOWEVER...

It’s terribly executed. This man slaughtered most of the Z-fighters. And don’t give me that “oh but that was Nappa and that Saibaman” bullshit. Vegeta ordered them to kill Yamcha, Chiaotzu, Tien and Piccolo. He was in charge.

And everyone seems to forget about that city he and Nappa freaking destroyed. That’s some pretty grim shit.

But hey, he helps out on Namek, right? He saved some asses over there. I mean, he slaughtered a whole village, schemed against our heroes and abandoned them for his own needs (try to match the events from the show to these. Hint, first one is frikking obvious.), so water under the bridge. Let’s forgive him!

And that’s the thing. They forgive him. Bam. Almost immediately. Even the Namekians aren’t the least bit pissed when the asshole brags about killing a whole village of their people. They just grunt and murmur a bit and it’s pretty much forgotten when they move to a new subject. Where’s the rage, the emotion, the lashing out? Why doesn’t Vegeta pay the price for his actions?!

And Bulma, holy hell, Bulma. Put yourself in her shoes. This guy who has a rep for being a murderous and unforgiving asshole lands near your home. You go over there to see what’s up and there he is. What do you do?

Let’s see...Some good answers here. “I’d shit myself.” “Call the cops.” “Use the nearest human as a meat shield.” All very good answers...but you’re wrong. All of you hypothetical readers are wrong, you dumbasses.

YOU INSULT THE MAN’S STENCH!

First thing Bulma does when she meets Vegeta again is comment on how stinky he is. This man is a known murderer who has done nothing to redeem himself. How is she attempting any sort of banter with him now? Of course, what else do I expect from the woman who flirted with said murderer a year ago. Granted, he did give a good idea and their friends were going to be resurrected so she was in a good mood but if someone who murdered my friends came up to me when I was having difficulties and gave me a solution, I’d be grateful but I wouldn’t effing trust the man! He’s freaking dangerous!

And everyone’s cool with this except Yamcha, who is seen as being a jealous twat for doubting Vegeta. What? What BS is that? That’s common sense! He doesn’t want to die a second time by this guy’s hands. He wants to enjoy life! But fuck it. Let’s take the easy route and piss on Yamcha!

I really need to stop defending Yamcha on this blog. Shows too much of a bias.

Anyways, Vegeta assimilates with the humans with no effort whatsoever and even hooks up with one of them. Wha--HOW?! HOW THE RAT’S ASS DO YOU--FUCKIN’--WHAT?! This moved way too quick. I know in the show, a year has passed since he’s back on Earth but once more, Vegeta does nothing to prove himself to be a good person cause all he does is train in that time. There is no effort. As funny as his banter with Bulma can be, it makes no sense, especially for someone who quaked in her boots whenever Vegeta’s name was mentioned.

Let me conclude this rant with an alternate route Vegeta’s redemption could’ve gone down: Launch. I know what you’re thinking. “Who the bloody hell is Launch? You inserting your fanfic into the equation now, SantaRobin?” No, she’s a character, most prominent in the original Dragon Ball show. She has two identities, which she changes between by sneezing: blue-haired nice girl and blonde gun-toting bitch on wheels. She would be perfect with Vegeta. I think she’s paired up with Tien in the show but in DBZ Launch is never shown aside from one scene in some filler with Tien...I think. Look, I’m foggy on the subject. Launch just seems like a legend of some sort, she’s so obscure. Point is, break those two up, since all Tien does is train with Chiaotzu  (lack of attention is always a good reason for breaking up. We never see Yamcha train so it’s assumed he gives Bulma some attention so dammit I’m defending Yamcha again. Someone control me...), and pair her up with Vegeta. Blue-haired Launch is a character that listens to Vegeta and depends on him, while blonde Launch kicks Vegeta into line and keeps watch on him, makes sure he does nothing stupid. It’s a nice balance, one that maintains Vegeta’s character. He can be a jackass to blue-haired Launch who just yesses him, but change and become a better person when blonde Launch tells him what’s what.

What makes this even better is that Launch is a character. Not much to be said there.

What do you guys think? Was this development too rushed? Too unbelievable? Does my alternative make sense? Your comments are encouraged. Leave a like, reblog, follow, yadayadaya. I’ll be seeing ya soon.

The beginning of the end. Well, at least for me. When I first watched DBZ, I stopped watching the show consistently shortly after this point in the beginning of the Android Saga because I just never looked at DBZ the same after what occurred here. Cyborg Frieza fucked me up.

DBZ should’ve ended right there after the Namek Saga, the ONE AND ONLY Super-Saiyan Goku’s fate left a mystery, everyone brought back to life, Vegeta going off into the frontier of space, Gohan’s future as the best and smartest fighter left a mystery--THE END. This might piss some people off, as I might be attacking a part of the show they like, but beating Space Hitler in an epic and long fight that tested Goku’s morals (like at the beginning of the series with Raditz, so there’s a nice parallel) looked to be a good ending. The way things went just went sour for me after that.

Not even the end of the Namek Saga is perfect. Everyone killed by Frieza and his goons were brought back to life as Popo wished it, correct? So what the flying fig is the Grand Elder doing there? Didn’t he did of natural causes, coughing up all that phlegm and shiz? Why is he there? And since he died, the Namekian dragonballs still don’t work, so half the wishes they made shouldn’t have even come true by that logic.

Now to the Cyborg Frieza Saga. What a freaking cock-tease this is. You see Frieza, floating in space, somehow alive from all the shit he’s been put through. That’s already stupid. Then his dad just happens to find his son’s still intact body, pick him up, and make him a cyborg. This guy, King Cold (subtle cold puns get even subtler), looks badass. He’s huge. He’s like Frieza phase 2, only with clothes on. His voice in the Kai dub is pretty amusing and he seems like a classy fellow. This guy looks to be a good villain.

Sigh...

Back on Earth, everything’s back to normal, people training and people chilling, and Bulma with another embarrassing hairstyle! Does it ever end? But then Vegeta comes up all of a sudden, having killed people in the filler looking for Goku. Bulma decides to give him a shower since he smells, and the two actually have a pretty entertaining exchange. Vegeta calling Bulma Bullmoose always cracks me up. He gets a pink shirt and they all laugh it up.

But then Frieza and Cold land on Earth, the Earthlings sensing an old foe’s presence. All the fighters go to a spot close to the power...as well as Bulma. Wait, wait, wait--Bulma going to danger. What the hell is this character shift? Where did it come from? Her time on Namek was spent screaming for dear life, wishing she was in a safer spot. But now, she actually wants to see the danger. Where are these testicles coming from? 

Yamcha tells her to go back because it’s not safe here. That’s actually a wise thing to do because it is dangerous. Most powerful guy in the universe? With his dad? That’s tough shit. But Bulma refuses and Vegeta...encourages her, admiring her recently grown balls? So the theme here is that *SPOILER ALERT* Bulma breaks up with Yamcha because he is too protective of her while Vegeta, her new BF, just allows her to do what she wants, so she shacks up with him? Y’see, there is very little logic to why Bulma and Vegeta hook up, the latter being the guy who killed everyone. Of course, that doesn’t matter. Death has no consequences. Just use the dragonballs. And if Piccolo is dead, go right onto Namek or call them over. Problem solved. So Bulma hooks up with the murderous Vegeta because he lets her be free (even though ever since they hook up, all she really does is be a housewife. Freedom.) and death has no consequences, which is also why she goes to the dangerous battlefield, because she knows that if she dies, death won’t matter?

Ha! Suck it, DBZ! Call me up if you need any more of your loose ends tied! Bitch!

So to conserve their energy, the heroes start rock-climbing, with one weird shot of Gohan pushin up Bulma’s ass. That always weirded me out. Then, one of the most human things happens--Yamcha cries. He cries in fear, because he’s afraid he’ll die for a second time (I suppose the uselessness of death didn’t translate to him). He’s afraid he’ll lose everything again. He has fears and struggles, like any good 3-dimensional character. Much like Aeneas in The Aeneid, he is honestly fearful, not putting up facades of toughness as the other heroes do. Yamcha is a good character.

And people hate him for this. They call him a coward, cause he’s crying like a pussy before a fight. Well here’s something for ya, haters--this crying, this emotional moment, makes Yamcha just as good as the two characters with the most development in DBZ, Piccolo and Vegeta, because we get to see ALL sides of his character. If you choose to be blind to that, then you don’t know shit about Yamcha.

There’s that Yamcha defense done. They have one little group scene later that I’ll just cover now. It portrays the DBZ crew as a family, more than anything else. When Yamcha defends Bulma against Vegeta while also listing her cons, Bulma demonstrates those cons on Yamcha and they all have a good laugh. This is a really cool moment for them. 

And the goodness ends there. Yamcha’s sobbing and Bulma being a bitch is all that we have in this short turd of a story. Enjoy the rest.

So Frieza and Cold disembark, only to see this purple-haired teen that sounds like he’s choking on gravel. I really think he’s cool in his look and the way he fights and all, but the one-liners he has in this fight and his voice, at least in the Kai dub, are just annoying. This kid beats up all Frieza’s goons and everything. Wow, this guy sure is powerful! The fight he’ll have with this hyped-up Frieza return will be epic!

The two exchange in banter, Frieza’s temper is pushed, titanic feats are accomplished on the kid’s side and Frieza dies. Just like that, the kid chops Frieza in half with his cool sword (which he barely uses after this fight, by the way). That is a mockery. That is pissing on the viewer. Fuck you, DBZ! You got me all excited, even though I had a gut feeling Frieza should’ve died one Namek. You build up all this hype and lo and behold, Frieza’s a victim of some kid’s game of Fruit Ninja. Just like that. Not only does the hype disappoint, but this is a mockery of the Frieza fight on Namek. That battle on Toonami lasted from October to freaking Christmas, and this fight takes, what, five minutes? Thanks for wasting my time, DBZ!

But hey, there’s still King Cold, right? His awesome voice and cape and speedo and all that. Sweet stuff! Hey, he’s even having some nice banter with his son’s killer right n--The kid kills him. In one blow. Two, if you count the one he used to obliterate the king’s remains. The potential villain for the next big storyline in DBZ just died to make way for the Androids, a saga I need to watch completely, front to back. That doesn’t excuse the fact that King Cold could’ve been more effective. I get what they were trying to do here: show how powerful this new guy was. But they could’ve done that with Frieza. What if Cold got away and formed some alliance with the Androids, having him be a part of the umbrella arc and have some characters fight him and his space goons, so this way, no heroes get sidelined?

But that’s my silly and naive view of fixing things. I’ll just save that for my crappy fanfiction.

And that’s it. With only a few good things, this storyline really brings DBZ down, starting a saga of new Super Saiyan forms (way too many), sidelined characters, a decrease in good villainy (with some good ones thrown in. 17 and 18 show that.), etc, etc. What do you think of this part of the DBZ story? Does it piss you off just as much is it does me? Is my King Cold idea a good one? Your thoughts on the Bulma-Vegeta-Yamcha triangle and how these events tie into things?

Comment, reblog, like and follow. More DBZ buffoonery to come next Saturday.

Or Sunday morning. That’s when I’ll do my next post. Why? Well, my subject matter for this next article revolves around the events of that episode, so I need to give it a quick rewatch first.

See you then.

Don’t jinx it, but I think I might be back to doing this thing. I know, right? You probably thought I was dead. Well, like how Goku figured “Hey, I’m just going to hang out in a space for a bit, regardless of how my loved ones will feel about my absence”, I have gone into exile for several reasons.

For one, personal crap. I’m not gonna start whining about my problems. This is not that kind of blog. All you need to know work, family, hobbies, etc.

Two, I needed to watch more DBZ. I figured I should rewatch up to the end of the Frieza saga, past the peak of the show. I watched the show up to the early part of the Android Saga, so most stuff ahead of that is pretty much unknown to me aside from certain events and characters some people won’t shut up about (Holy shit, Buu! Have you heard of frikkin’ Buu? Kid Buu? Majin Buu? SUPER BUU?!) and all that the different Saiyan forms. I suppose I needed to be more well-informed in all things DBZ.

Three, I literally questioned continuing this thing. I realized DBZ is not the biggest of vessel of common sense, so why question it. But then I remembered it’s fun to think of where they could’ve fixed things and shape your own alternate reality of the show.

Four, I got more into writing other stuff, personal and on Tumblr. In one of my DBZ posts (on DBZ women, I think) I hinted a Star Wars blog. And seeing as the 7th movie came out recently, I did opportunistic thing to capitalize off of ripe fanboys and girls and create the blog then. I’m currently in a disrupted daily Rank the Lightsabers thing which I’ll change to weekly if I’m going to stay dedicated on this. Check it out at santrobinstarwars if you’re interested. 

Fifth, I was thinking of writing stuff for DBZ, like fiction. If you go to my oldest stuff (which I don’t think has any notes, so way old), I posted some ideas on what to do about the Saiyan Saga and that I would do the same for the Namek Saga. I thought I’d get on that sooner but I remembered the Frieza Saga is half a frikkin’ year and since my way of watching the show is on Toonami is weekly, I had to push it back. Of course, that’s given me time to rethink things and tweak them to my liking. I might actually start writing this BS sooner rather than later. I just know that I might put more ideas up or whatever.

Other important things to know is that I will try to keep up with my original scheme of things and make this a Saturday thing. If I’m to post anything, it would be tomorrow (or today in ET. It’s like 2 AM for me right now.) or next Saturday. Also know that your encouraged to respond to these things. The reason I title all my posts as questions is to see your responses and opinions (if there’s a more convenient way, please inform me). The Yamcha comments are fine examples of that. 

And of course, stay cool, cuz the world is melting and I hear DBZ Super sucks. Who woulda thought?

See you guys later.

I know I keep postponing these goddamned posts but something came up, so my next DBZ post will coming either tomorrow or Monday, hopefully no later than that.

Sorry, and thanks for your patience.

A/N: I’d apologize for the lateness, but I had to see the Saturday episode of Kai to clear my mind on this. I will not repent!

Captain Ginyu leads one my favorite parts of DBZ, the Ginyu Force. Striking poses and kicking ass, these guys deserved their own spinoff. They were so colorful and unique in their own way that I’m surprised they didn’t get that spinoff. It would have been great to see them go on campy adventures, similar to the DragonBall days.  But I’m going offtrack...

Ginyu himself is my 3rd favorite character of the bunch, and boy is that spot well-earned. I liked his design, his poses and his body-switching ability is pretty cool. Even his Kai dub impressed me. I was laughing my ass off when I saw Krillin talking to Ginyu-Goku, not even mentioning the fact that Goku sounds like he was home-grown in Brooklyn and a life-long smoker. Not to mention when he switched bodies with Bulma in that weird, very non-sequitur moment in the show. 

So what is my issue with good Captain? His abilities are never consistent. I should really say his ability, as he really only has the body-switching thing on his side. That’s Ginyu’s unique secret weapon. And it pisses me off.

Yeah, I know I said it’s cool. Conceptually. But think of the instances where he used it on the show. Think of all the plot holes present in the story. I could write you a laundry list about the inconsistencies in this. So I will.

1. Kill Goku! I know when Ginyu body-switches with Goku, he made sure to pull out his liver or something. That would paralyze him, slow him down. Now that you have a more powerful body, you can discard the old one...right? NO! Fly off into the distance and kill the other people. That’s how priorities work. Don’t even bother to put the trash in trash can even though it’s only a few inches from it. Leave it there to rot. There’s no way the wind can blow it back to you to bite you in the ass. You frikkin’ moron. What is so damn inconvenient about beating someone down on the brink of death? Wouldn’t you want to be sure that the threat is truly annihilated? Maybe test out that newfound power? I get that Ginyu would assume Goku would bleed out, but that’s too much of a risk. Isn’t this the most seasoned captain in the universe, leading the most elite team of warriors ever to exist? HOW WOULD YOU MAKE THAT MISTAKE, YOU NINCOMPOOP?! Great, end of the first bullet and I’m already using caps. Jeez...

2. Body Adaption BS. From the context, we get that Ginyu isn’t in his own body when we first meet him. It’s a body he switched with. Apparently, he’s been doing this for a while. So how come it’s news to him when Goku tells him that you need to fully adapt to your body’s energy? Wouldn’t Ginyu know this from years of doing this?! And the sad thing is, it’s the key to his defeat. I’ll tell you what it also is, BULLSH*T DEUS EX MACHINA! The funny thing is, there was no need to give us that fact. It helped Gohan and Krillin give some to him, but they didn’t defeat him. It was freaking useless.

3. This is a Unilingual Thing? If you read my A/N, then you understand that I had to watch that episode of DBZ to write a certain part of this post properly. This is that part. So Ginyu is now a frog (I know, tragic) and he meets a friend in Bulma. Bulma gets so attached to the frog, as it is the only thing on this planet that has treated her with any kindness (read my last post and you’ll get why). So she does something a totally insane woman who has nothing to do with her time does and creates a frog-to-English translator to speak with the frog in something like 3 minutes. How is the time that short? I dunno. Why doesn’t anybody put glasses on Superman and put the pieces together? So Ginyu, now with the ability to speak, uses his body-switching ability by saying “Change now!” and the deed is done. I’m gonna go on a limb here and say that all the moves on DBZ require concentrated energy and movements. I never knew they needed you to speak English (or Japanese or whatever dub you’re listening to). Ginyu really needs to say his attack out loud? He can’t think it? I’m sure Goku and Vegeta can do moves like the Kamehameha and the Gala-Gun thinking. Hell, Goku did it to Frieza a week ago, methinks. Why can’t one of the best warriors of the known universe do this?! Also, frog translator. The f*ck am I smoking these days...

Those are the biggest problems I noticed. I still like the guy. He’s one of my favorite characters. You just got be honest sometimes. So how about you? You notice your own problems with the good Captain? Or do you have qualms with my points? Whatever the case, agree or disagree, be sure to express your opinion in the comments, and don’t forget to fav, reblog and follow more of these DBZ rants.

Ciao, I’ll write you ne...

WAIT!!!!!!!

I have more stuff to prophesize! Tonight, they’re showing the extended Star Wars trailer during Monday Night Football. Since this is such an important occasion in the franchise’s history and I’m a big Star Wars fan, I’d like to make it known to you Star Wars liking readers that I’m gonna get into the blogging game in that area once I see the 7th movie...depending that I can get movie tickets soon and for a good price. Still, it’s coming up, so if you're interested, be sure to keep up for updates.

Now, ahem...Ciao, and I’ll write you next week.

I was watching a video about the 5 most hated DBZ characters, and read some viewers’ suggestions in the comments. And one really pissed me off.

1. Bulma

2. Chi Chi

3. Bulma

4. Chi Chi

5. Bulma

Wow. That says a lot about that fan. Why this hate on some of DBZ's most prominent female characters? I get it, they can be nags and whiners, but with the situations they're dragged into, can you really blame them? The defense is up for Bulma and Chi Chi. Let's commence!

Let's talk on Bulma first. She comes from a prosperous scientific family with said scientific knowledge which has proven useful in previous DBZ endeavors. Bulma did figure out how that scouter worked, got Kame's ship fixed up, and made a dragon ball detector. After these moments, though, Bulma doesn't seem to do much other than complain and sit down. This trend, like so many others in DBZ, starts on Namek  where Krillin and Gohan often abandon Bulma to get dragon balls or power boosts from the Grand Elder. Whenever they returned, they'd say a few words and apologies, and then leave shortly afterward yet again. One time they returned with Vegeta for two seconds to take the dragon ball Bulma was protecting, confusing and scaring the living Jesus out of her. At the end of the day, though, Bulma is seen as complaining whiner who should just shut up. And to that I say NO! Krillin and Gohan treated her like crap that entire adventure. They explained nothing to her, and left her to die and survive on a planet she did not know. 

The worst and I mean worst treatment to this poor woman comes during the Frieza fight. There’s so many explosions our protagonists and Frieza fling around. There was a time when there were so many balls of fire destroying the Namekian landscape, that all I was doing was calmly saying, “Bulma’s dead. Bulma’s dead. Bulma’s dead. Bulma’s dead. Bulma has exploded. She has drowned. A large rock hit her. Whatever the case, she is dead.” There is no way possible in the realm of even DBZ’s reality that none of those killed her. I’m sure she was thankful to come out of that alive, but shortly afterwards she body-switches with Frog-Ginyu, which I assure you is no pleasant experience. Thinking she’s about to be a frog all her life, she changes back. Issue resolved, scars left behind. And then people say, “Bitch complain too much.” She isn’t a fighter! She isn’t seasoned in avoiding and surviving these encounters like Goku or Piccolo or Vegeta! She’s a normal woman in a drastically dangerous world. And that’s no scarlet letter, people! 

I think Bulma faces the same issue with Willie Scott from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. So many people are quick to call her annoying and not as strong as other leading women in the series. But unlike those other women who were experienced in dangerous adventures and even trained by the military, Willie was just a normal woman with some high maintenance needs in a world foreign and confusing and just plain dangerous to her, very much like Bulma. She’s excused to be in these conditions because she’s not experienced in adventuring, and that’s okay. Why? Well, in the end, it avoids the cookie cutter “strong kick ass woman” stereotype overused to a prove a point they actually end up mocking by giving characters the same bland personalities and motivations (not that all strong kick ass women in fiction are done poorly, it’s just that some just don’t get it). It goes a unique route with that character. She may sound annoying at first, but after some looking, you just might get why. 

Look at Bulma, people. That’s all I have to say about that.

Now about Chi Chi. Boy do I have a lot to say. And boy will I be booed. I like her. I get her character motivations. I get her struggles. Here’s why. After finding young love with Goku and sealing the deal, the fiery and hot (in personality, you perverts out there) Chi Chi made it her priority to settle down and start a family. Hence comes Gohan. She wants this boy to live a safe normal life, not wanting him to get into dangerous situations where he could get critically injured or even die. Y’know, stuff her husband would do. Then, wouldn’t ya know it, Gohan does get into danger when her husband’s pals just let Piccolo take Gohan with the excuse that “This boy has potential because he hit someone hard.” How does Chi Chi react? Like any f*ckin’ mother would. PISSED AS HELL. Her rages accomplish nothing, though. Not bringing back her husband from death, nor Gohan from that angry green man who tried to kill them all a few years ago. This event probably left her scarred, because she thought she lost everything she cherished most. 

And the worst thing is, her worst fears come true, as the next time she sees her son face-to-face is in a hospital bed in bandages. How traumatizing that must be for her! And then, get this, her son says he wants to continue fighting and go into f*ckin’ space! And this woman, this woman who wants her kid to be safe and educated and grow up to help society in a way that avoids violence and conflict, is wrong for wanting him to go to school and aspire to great things? THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH THAT?! It’s one of the most beautiful aspects of a mother-child relationship, when the mother wants to do what is best for her child. But no, what’s best for Gohan is to follow in his father’s footsteps, get into danger and beat people up. Y’know, I just realized as I typed that that what Goku does is the equivalent of a thug or a felon. Yeah, let Gohan become that! F*cking Jesus, that pisses me off. And you know how Gohan reacts to her demands for her son to have a normal life? He takes some notes from the angry green man’s book and yells at her that he’ll do what he wants...wow. I mean, goddamn wow. What an ungrateful little turd. I get it, he wants to avenge Piccolo, but he’s been estranged from his mother for a year! And unlike Goku, she can’t make up that time on the battlefield beating the living Christ out of people. Do your mother a favor rather than your dad’s best friends you hardly knew and the aliens who kidnapped you and brutally trained and hurt you to the point where you bled and broke bones and bruised to the extent where one eye couldn’t properly open. But no, reduce the time you had with her where you could actually speak full f*cking sentences further by going into one of the most dangerous frontiers ever known to man: space. Yeah, real considerate about your mother there.

So after the whole Namek adventure, Gohan and Goku return, where Chi Chi is happy that her family is alive, but pissed that they’ll continue to train, further halting Gohan’s studies. And how does Goku react? Oh well, he’s like “It’s cool,” giving her a pat of reassurance...that sends her through the wall of her house into a tree, thus giving her a head injury (its severity I do not know). So Goku hit Chi Chi by accident, because he didn’t know his full strength on Earth. Football players would love to learn how to say that to the police in any form that makes sense. I could only imagine some fans rejoicing that Goku’s potential is even higher, completely oblivious that the hero of DBZ just hit his wife. I don’t care if it’s accidental. You better be freakin’ apologetic since then, doing what Chi Chi wants. But no, Gohan trains, apparently simultaneously learning (which we never see). Boy, I’m sure that Chi Chi, a woman in her late twenties now, is now contemplating when her life peaked and why can’t the men in her life be mature and considerate enough to consider her needs.

Also, Buu turns her into an egg and crushes her. This woman’s life sucks son hard.

Chi Chi is justified in what she says and does. She might not have an effect on the plot due to her having given up fighting, but she sure as hell is an interesting and relatable character. Might I add especially relatable to those more grown DBZ fans who are just starting a family, establishing a future for something they just created. And that’s just another surprisingly deep aspect in DBZ that flows under the radar of DBZ fans. Especially under the radars of those extreme meninist Youtube commenters.

DBZ did get some more fighter female characters who were just generally received better like Android 18 and Videl. But what I like about these DBZ girls is that they don’t have to fight to be distinct. As badass as 18 (I cannot speak for Videl just yet, as I have not rewatched that part of the show at this point) is, I find the character motivations and issues with these women much more fascinating. I like to compare this badassery to the Jedi from Star Wars. Odd comparison, I know but let me finish. While Luke and Obi-Wan and Darth Vader rely on their light-saber skills to win a fight, Yoda just uses his mind, getting similar results. Which is why it pisses me off that they made him a light-saber ninja in Episode 2: Attack of the Clones, but that’s a post for a possible Star Wars blog coming up. Bulma and Chi Chi rely on their character and personality traits more so than 18 (again, can’t speak for Videl. From what I hear, she’s a rebellious teenager overly protected by Hercule, but that’s too little to go on in my taste.), just as Yoda relies on the Force more than the wielding of a light-saber. And to me, that makes all the difference.

So next time you see Bulma and Chi Chi nag or complain, know it’s for the right reasons. 

***

I promised this Sunday, and it’s early Monday morning. It’s a hair late, so I won’t beat myself up about it. Next post next Saturday as I go back on schedule. Hope you enjoyed and don’t forget to fav, reblog and follow to keep up with these DBZ rants.

Stay cool, I’ll be seeing you soon.

I talk too much about Yamcha. I know I get a lot of notes for my Yamcha posts, but I do too much about him. That’s no bad thing, because I know it can’t be helped. This is the most hated Z-fighter, simultaneously being one of my fav DBZ characters (along with some of you I hope). And there are a lot of things to discuss about Yamcha. Case and point, the title above.

Yamcha is a playboy? According to what future Trunks said to Goku, yes. Not his personal opinion, it just apparently happens in the future. It’s also true according to the DBZ game (correct if I’m wrong) Budokai Raging Blast 2. According to Dragon Ball, not so true.

Most male members of DB remember Yamcha from DB as the most relatable character ever, the awkward guy who kinda fears women. Admit it, guys. For most of us guys, we go through that time in our life when we are confused as hell about that aspect of life. In short, at one time, we were Yamcha. Now whoda thought that that guy from DB turned into a playboy?

This is when we ask: out-of-character moment or justified character development? If the latter, is it good or bad for his character? Or what if Yamcha just isn’t a playboy? Let’s dig in, shall we?

First, let’s clarify if Yamcha is a playboy from Trunk’s statement. Well, let’s look at the source: Bulma, the other end of the breakup. There is so much bias from this source, possibly painting Yamcha as that playboy to properly justify her breakup with him. She was sensitive with Yamcha around women, as an instance in the Red Ribbon Saga (that will be elaborated more on here) will attest to. So if she was formulating a story about how things went down, it would be no surprise that she says the problem is Yamcha being with other women. In short, we can’t trust future Trunks, due to the source. But does that erase the possibility of Yamcha pimping it up?

Secondly, a history of Yamcha and girls will help clear this issue up. Yamcha was that awkward guy in DB, afraid of women, yes. Then he got with Bulma (Yamulma fans rejoice while you can). In doing this, he overcame his fear of women, entering a steady relationship for the first time. Let it be known that during the Red Ribbon Saga I believe (fun stuff, that was) that Bulma said Yamcha had his own fan club. Meaning fan girls. Lucky him. Note that Bulma is  jealous of his fangirls, and is aggravated that her man has other suitors. (a problem she doesn’t seem to have with Vegeta. O woe, the reasons!) So Yamcha is in this relationship with Bulma, and even though he has his fans adoring him, he’s only focused on Bulma. How do I know this? Because Yamcha is still bashful and awkward when Marron hits on him, holding no interest to get jiggy. When Yamulma breaks up (sorry, Yamulma fans. Your time has come.), Yamcha in the show seems cool with Bulmeta and we rarely see him interact with her after all that. All we know is that apparently, he’s a playboy. Yamcha fans claim this is vague, which it is. However, in the extended universe, that claim is elaborated on further, case and point Budokai Raging Blast 2. In the alternate storyline about Yamcha fighting Vegeta and future Trunks for Bulma’s affections, if Yamcha wins, he basks in his victory against Vegeta, starting to think he may be the most powerful guy on Earth. And then he thinks any woman would want him. Also note the depressing ending (at least for Yamulma fans) that Trunks doesn’t fade, meaning Bulmeta stays alive, possibly implying Yamcha went to the ladies with his recently gained pimping skills. In another storyline, Buu the Bodyguard, Yamcha hits on Videl. Is this good evidence? Well you can argue that the extended universe isn’t valid, because it isn’t Akira Toriyama’s work. Or was it? Did Toriyama involve himself with the game to write these storylines? Can someone verify this, please?

From the history, I think we can put together that this isn’t an instantaneous out-of-character moment, where Yamcha just shifted into playboy mode. This was change over time, possibly justified by Yamcha’s suppressed feelings. In DB, Yamcha had confused feelings about women, feelings which his affections for Bulma cleared up. When he got fangirls, he was most likely tempted and liked the praise, but loved Bulma more, focusing on her.  When Bulma dumped him, he might have been inspired to express his affections to others, fully showing those suppressed feelings from DB. In BRB2, Yamcha in the cited storyline about him vs. Vegeta and Trunks was probably in denial, thinking he still had a chance with Bulma. By the end of it, Yamcha reaches a turning point, gaining confidence to meet other women. This theory connects the canons of the show and the video games neatly, explaining why Yamcha is a playboy.

But is it a bad thing? He’s hurting nobody, not breaking any sort of commitment. He’s just trying the find the one, is all. Either that, or just enjoying life, looking back on his youth and saying “I have grown.” Yamcha’s development into a playboy isn’t godawful. It’’s supported by surprisingly complex character motivations provided to us by Toriyama subtly in various storylines, i.e Bulma’s storytelling to Trunks and Yamcha’s fanclub). 

So keep on keepin’ on, Yamcha. Follow the footsteps of playboys, Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne: get the gals in the day, kick ass by night. Live life, Yamchas. Be awesome.

***

My apologies for the lack in posting. I was ill for a week. But now that I’m well, let’s make up for my absence with two posts in one week. One tonight, another tomorrow. Double the DBZ rants. 

So don’t forget to follow, fav, reblog and what not. Hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned for more DBZ reads soon. 

Ciao.

Frieza is the guy usually at the top of those “Top 10 DBZ Villain” lists (or at least near the top) and he’s one of the many factors that made the Namek Saga memorable for me. He was feminine, short and powerful, and his superior overlord personality was just spectacular. There’s just so much I could say about this guy; hopefully, I can get it out in this post.

First off, Frieza was a great way to introduce DBZ to space travel and more Sci-Fi routes. To think that Earth’s heroes were leaving Earth was kind of strange, and if it failed, it would fail. However, when you first meet Frieza and his gang of colorful minions killing Namekians and what not, you just get drawn into the plot. I think this was the pinnacle of ruthlessness for DBZ villains as far as I know. I mean, yeah, you have Cell draining people and Buu killing every human on Earth, but the one who started this whole genocide trend was Frieza. Frieza set a bar that future DBZ villains clung onto, which might explain the repetitiveness of some of plotlines in the show after the Frieza storyline as some fans can attest to. Seeing Dodoria snap a guy’s neck and impale someone with his fist at Frieza’s command was just horrifying (making me want to see more of the pink guy, but that’s a tale for another day). The same goes for Zarbon. Even Frieza's basic minions entertained me, as they gave DBZ the chance to use the Wilhelm scream. Now how epic is that! In short, Frieza introduced DBZ to the colorful alien characters that the show would grow more accustomed to in future seasons. (not that all of them were aliens, but did you see any character look as colorful and ruthless as Frieza and the gang before the Namek Saga? Trailblazers was what Frieza's group was. PIONEERS!)

To add to this Frieza's personality was just great. He was cool, calm and relaxed. One of my favorite images of him is when he was drinking red wine and contemplating his plans. Made me wonder why he didn't have a space cat to stroke. But he did snap, and when he did, it was the coolest thing. His angry facial expressions at Zarbon and Nail were just priceless. Frieza, like I said earlier, had complete control over his minions. He would bark a command to Dodoria and Zarbon, tell them go fetch and they'd get back the severed limbs of his enemies no problem. It was just so intimidating to see someone just say something and it happens. This trait meshed well his feminine look, as it was added to the Jack-in-the-Box feel of his character and the buildup of the Frieza fight. Which brings me to my next point. Oh boy...

This fight, though it does drag on with endless unnecessary talking, inner-thinking and transformations, is one of the best I've ever seen in DBZ. When they fought, they fought well. Some of the moves demonstrated here were cool. How should I summarize this landmark in DBZ history? Well, why don't I just describe each transformation and what happens during the period of time, eh?

1st Form: We didn't see much fighting here, which was a letdown. Other than us seeing a teensy bit of his power in this form against Nail, Frieza only grappled with Vegeta and screamed. He did get a few good lines when he saw the dragon balls just die. Great timing, right there.

2nd Form: I was kind of irked that they made Frieza's voice deeper in this form and the next, but it was alright. He was bigger and took after King Cold (who I guess is always in his second form? Someone verify this for me in the comments, please), and a lot of people fought him here. He killed Krillin in this form... or at least I hoped he did but ex-machina Dende healing powers came in. I know it's his full potential unlocked by the Grand Elder but could it have been foreshadowed more by one of the village elders. Like when Zarbon brutally injured someone, the old and wise village elder went to healing rather than send his homeboys to do the job? Anyway, Frieza stabbing Krillin (No really, I don't care about healing powers. HOW DO YOU SURVIVE THAT?!) was just so terrifying as the blood dripped from Frieza's horns. Not to mention it was accompanied by the show’s best music EVER! I mean, good God! This was played to epic effect and made the possible death of one of the show's main heroes so memorable. Then Gohan and later Piccolo took their shots at him, showing some impressive moves of their own. One of Gohan’s most epic moments was when he laid the beatdown on Frieza in this form. Just good stuff.

3rd Form: Probably his weakest. All Toriyama did here was show off that he knew what the movie Alien was and have him shoot lasers at Piccolo for a good couple of minutes which I should add looks pretty damn stupid. Next episode, final form unleashed. Why was this form here?

4th Form: This is where all the good stuff happens. It starts off with a bang, as Frieza shoots a laser from his finger (much cooler this time) and kills Dende. That one line impresses me so much. First of all, he has his original voice back and he’s short, which shows the full extent of the Jack-in-the-Box thing that I mentioned earlier. (Krillin was way off in his thought bubble. 3rd form Frieza with a long tongue. That’s all you could imagine, Krillin? Really?) Secondly, he started killing people! Holy sh*t! Shots fired! When Dende is killed, everyone, except Vegeta of course, just rages and Frieza takes that as if it were nothing. Just dodges easily, while another good DBZ track starts playing. I don’t know what it is about Latin choirs, but they just hype you up, don’t they? Then he kills Vegeta and Krillin, has this epic fight with Goku and the rest is history. Probably the stupidest part of this fight is when Goku is summoning the Spirit Bomb and Frieza just thinks that that huge ball in the sky is a sun. Then comes Frieza’s dumbest line: “Wait, that’s no sun!” Give him the sleuth award. Nice job, Sherlock!

Frieza was such a good villain that DBZ brought him back twice. The first was plain stupid. Frieza comes to Earth as cyborg with his dad, King Cold. Yeah, we’re already off to a bad start. Cyborg?! Really? Why couldn’t his father come to avenge his death alone? You really needed Frieza to add to this hype? A being more powerful than Frieza would have done the job just fine if you ask me. Shortly after Frieza arrives he is killed. Well’ that was quick. I know that Trunks easily finishing him was meant to add to the surprise of his appearance but it’s just so anticlimactic that it never sits well with me. The same goes for King Cold, who once again could probably hold his own saga well enough if the time was given to a revenge arc rather than time travel (not that it should’ve been taken out, but just postponed). His second appearance was in the recent Frieza: Resurrection F, which I have not had the pleasure of seeing. As much I love HD DBZ and the scenery they chose for the fight (when I saw that sneak peek where Goku and Frieza were dueling by the rocky shores over the water, I was just amazed), I felt that Frieza coming back was kind of a cop-out and takes away from the effectiveness of his defeat (like every resurrected hero in DBZ. Just sayin’). I also thought that Super-Saiyan God was a silly idea. I didn’t go all “Wowee Golly-Gosh Gee!” over the hair color and the godly power level thing. Just read my Saiyan post if you haven’t already, you’d get why I dislike that nonsense. ‘Sides, that, and Battle of the Gods, pretty much opens up DB Super, and I haven’t watched all of DBZ and DBGT (the latter I might just skip at this point. I hear this talk of pans and such, and I get all frightened inside). Still, in the end, I think Frieza was fine when he was in his first go-around. No need to revamp the good old days.

All in all, Frieza is a great villain, and goes up there with my favorites in fiction in general. As I rewatch the final episodes of the Frieza fight over twenty hours from now, I’ll bask in the good memories he and I shared. Maybe sometime soon, he could invite me over to his spaceship and we can share a glass of space wine and talk about Wilhelm screams and space cats. 

Whatever the case, I love Frieza and maybe you do, too. Do you dig Frieza? If so, favorite moment or transformation? Tell me in the comments section, and don’t forget to fav, reblog and follow. Be sure to check more of these posts out, your opinions are appreciated. 

I’ll be seeing you later. Ciao.

Really? Are they? When I watched the original uncut Ocean dub DBZ footage of these guys, I certainly thought so. I remember when Vegeta was going to that one village to get a dragon ball, and he had a little discussion with the village elder before he pulled out the lasers. It went something like this:

Vegeta: I’ve come to take your dragon ball! (Cue us laughing at infamously bad Ocean dub Vegeta)

Elder: I’ll handle this. (Note that this being said with the most dying, pompous old grandpa voice that ever came into existence) Why do you want our dragon ball?

Yeah, rather than immediately pacify the foreign invader who just said in a totally hostile tone that he wanted to take the dragon ball, let’s ask for his motives for stealing their village’s most sacred artefact which has astounding power. Yeah, let’s ask him why he would want said power. Why not ask him for his Sunday plans, and what dinner reservations he has for the evening? Maybe if he’s settled down in front of a plate of grilled salmon, he’ll elaborate on the whole dragon ball issue. It’s just so hard to wrap my head around the fact that someone would want a dragon ball THAT GRANTS ETERNAL LIFE! GOOD GOD, YOU MORONS! TWO LINES IN AND YOU’RE ALREADY F*CKING UP!

Vegeta: Give me your dragon ball, frogface.

Elder: Frogface?! You’ll never get our dragon ball!

Frogface. That’s the thing that sets you off? Not his first line about “taking dragon balls?” This is what gets to you? Why don’t you just say “get off ma lawn, you whipper-snapper,” you sensitive dolt? This is how you handle conflict? If Namek had  a United Nations thing going on, Frogface’s village would be f*cked if someone jabbed his foreign policy. Frogface’s village would have seceded from the council and declared all out war on the rest of Namek, killing thousands. GROW A BACKBONE, YOU UGLY DUNDERHEAD! STICKS AND STONES AND ALL THAT NONSENSE! GET A BRAIN THAT TELLS YOU TO ATTACK THE GUY WHO IMMEDIATELY SAYS HE WANTS TO TAKE YOUR DRAGON BALL! EARN SOME INSTINCTS THAT TELL YOU TO PUT THE POWERFUL ARTEFACT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!

Yeah, you heard me. They leave their most prized possession in a building with no door at all.  Have I mentioned that these guys are total idiots?

So anyway, back to the scene:

Elder: You’ll never get our dragon ball! Take your best shot!

Vegeta: Okay. (Raises finger like it’s a gun)

Elder and villagers: Gah!

Really? That particular motion worries you? That makes you both overly-sensitive and scared by the stupidest sh*t! Hell, I’d laugh at that. That’s something a 5-year old does when he pretends to be cowboy or a robber. I wouldn’t think it’s dangerous or life-threatening. I’d think it to be cute and silly. It’s as if they knew that Vegeta was giving them the finger of evil. Actually, that’s what Vegeta did. He flipped them off in Namekian culture. Some people use the middle finger, others have the pinky, these guys have the pointer finger. Vegeta, you are one culturally insensitive punk.

So after Vegeta kills one guy, the surrounding villagers respond...by standing in place and grunting for nearly a whole minute. Really nice contribution, guys. Have the power to shoot lasers and the agility to hop around and kick ass, but you’re still surprised by this guy being hostile. I guess Vegeta’s first line has now been fully processed by the Namekians. Spiky-haired guy in armor claiming to want to take dragon ball=EVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!

You can guess how the scene plays out. Vegeta kills them and takes the dragon ball. Other than the astoundingly bad voice acting performances, the stupidity for the scene speaks for itself. I mean good Lord! This has got to be one of the worst scenes in DBZ’s history. It’s horribly voiced and so hard-to-believe stupid. They could just show Vegeta picking up the dragon ball on the ground as if it were just a penny and it would be easier to believe than this. 

In the end, this scene leads me to label all Namekians as stupid. It may sound racist, but it’s true. These guys are idiots!

***

Hope you enjoyed this rage against DBZ’s green people. I might have a similar post coming after this soon about another, more theoretical stupid Namekian moment. In other news, I’ll be posting these every Saturday from here on, kind of like a treat before you watch Toonami’s showing of DBZ. Also, it’s more organized, gives me time to think about topics and holds your suspense. If you’re not familiar with my reviews, click my avatar and explore. Want more? Follow. You likey? Fav and reblog and ya-da-ya-da-advertise-advertise.

Don’t forget to post your opinions on this in the comments, as they are greatly appreciated.

AN: I’d like to thank some of the people who liked my Saiyan rant, especially those who replied, as they brought up some very interesting points which end up becoming pretty significant in the post you are about to read. If you are one of those people, thanks for the support and enjoy!

Bland protagonists are nothing new to fiction. You have Superman, Jack from Lost (though he did improve in later seasons), Bella Swan and Edward Cullen (my chest burns when I hear their names, too).  What do they have in common? A lack of flaws and imperfections, leading to a lack of interesting character. People have grown a hatred for these characters, especially since fanfiction.net became a thing, and deemed them Mary Sues and Marty Stues (Gary Stues if you like the rhyming thing). If you read my previous posts, most notably the post I did on Saiyans, you would understand my hatred of attention-hogging OP characters who bear similar traits to this trope. Goku, DBZ’s main character of course, is an example of this trope. But is it very bad that our star is depicted as white bread?

The question we ask first is: what unique character traits does Goku have to darken this slice of toast? Well, he’s always hungry. That’s a given. He’s nice and optimistic, sometimes coming off as goofy. He never quits and always tries to reach the next level (right now he’s a Super-Saiyan God. If there’s a Super-Saiyan God 2, I’ll be so...just read my Saiyan post.). These traits, though common, make Goku somewhat entertaining to watch. But are they enough? They were, back in Dragon Ball, when Goku was just a kid. Back then, he was stupidly innocent and always hungry, rarely missing his chance at an unintentional nude joke. At the same time, though, he’s kicking ass and training to be the best. From this, I get an all-around funny and engaging to protagonist to follow. Although Goku carries on these traits into DBZ and into adulthood, it isn’t the same. Why? Because he’s a freaking adult. I don’t expect Goku to be all Chuck Norris and eat beef jerky all day in the swimming pool he made in his pickup truck while watching NFL football while punching zombie-cyborg Nazis in the gonads (’Merica.). It’s just that I expect some maturity from an experienced fighter. The same schtick kid Goku did doesn’t transfer well to adulthood (excluding nude jokes, to be fair). He just becomes that bland optimistic and determined main hero that is so freaking generic. I’d even dare to say he has the depth and engagement of a final girl in a cheesy slasher flick. It’s that bad!

Other than traits, white bread characters need to be lacking of flaws. Does Goku have any? Does Goku ever really cross that line into darkness for a short time? No, he does not. Goku is a good and honorable fighter who’s willing to sacrifice himself in the line of duty to save the ones he loves...like almost every goddamn superhero in the book! At least most of these superheroes, like Batman and Spiderman, do some wrong and aren’t the perfect good guys, since they deal with issues such as greed and revenge and pride. Goku never ever shows a vulnerability or weakness, except his mercy (i.e his fight against Raditz and Vegeta). Now this could be a turning point in this discussion. Is Goku’s mercy a flaw? It could be, as it did lead to him dying to stop Raditz, but it’s a common trait among white bread heroes who can do no wrong. And Goku can’t do wrong. Unlike Vegeta, Piccolo, Tien or pretty much any hero of DBZ who wasn’t Goku, Goku failed to go through any development and never crossed the line between good and bad. Nearly every ally of Goku was once a villain or rival, leading to an overused cliche in DBZ but a very interesting one. Life is change, and when people change, negatively or positively, it leaves an impact on you. Goku never changes. Although he can commit ground-breaking titanic acts, that isn’t enough to compensate for a character who has only one possible flaw that is only overshadowed by an overwhelming sense of good and righteousness. Which brings me to my next point: Superman.

Goku’s story bears a striking resemblance to Superman’s. Alien comes to Earth as an infant and becomes a hero capable of godly feats. It’s a good story to be influenced by, as it shows someone different than us growing to become someone of not only extreme power and morals. Although these two get some extreme criticism for being boring characters, you have to consider that these two can’t be characters, as they lack flaws and some depth, only icons and ideals. Though it does have its issues (read on), this isn’t exactly a bad thing, as they stand for good beliefs and moral codes, which allows them to be wonderful role models. However, some things should best be left in the original. For example, the boy scout trait, as mentioned earlier. Even if you do represent moral beliefs and concepts, you must have some flaws. The following are icons of justice and kickassery but have some problems: Batman has some serious psychological issues, Iron Man has issues with his pride, Spiderman is socially awkward and struggling to make ends meet, Han Solo and Indiana Jones can come off as greedy bastards, and Luke Skywalker can come off as impatient and whiny when he starts out. There’s a difference between representing something and totally becoming that thing. If you choose the latter, although you remain an ideal for good morals and a role model, you sacrifice any interesting character potential. Another thing is being OP, a very commonly discussed issue which somewhat links to the one I just finished discussing. Losing shows weakness, and it’s pretty hard for Goku to lose. Granted that he does struggle in some fights (you could call his fight against Android 19 losing, but that was just the heart virus, and not a specific trait of Goku’s. If he lost because he was over-confident, too merciful, not strong enough, rusty, etc., then I’d be singing a different song.), he always ends up winning and, I’ll try not to get an aneurysm saying this, he...is...a...Saiyan. Every time he loses, he really doesn’t and ends up winning and getting stronger because of that bullsh*t recovery rule. Not to mention his many different forms, which makes him a step up from friend and foe (excluding other Saiyans, of course. They pretty much on the same playing field, which is why they do the work.). This makes him incredibly OP, just like the S-man. 

Before I continue, I rooted for Goku during his two death battles with Supes, mainly because I like DBZ more than DC comics (more of a MARVEL guy to be honest), and that Goku doesn’t have a BS disguise (those glasses must transfer electromagnetic-molecular-thermal-sciencey-sciencey-bullsh*t rays that hypnotize passer-bys). SPOILER ALERT: I faced disappointment twice, and lost ten bucks to one of my friends. Gambling isn’t cool, kids.  

So Goku is more of an ideal than a character, which not only has some serious downers, but has some neat GI Joe and He-Man role model morals, which  helps serve white bread heroes to us viewers nicely. In the end, Goku is white bread, which brings up the next question: Is it done well in a way we can perceive it as good? Or do the issues previously elaborated on sink any chance for an ok white bread hero, if one really does exist? This leads me to discussing the final similarity between Superman and Goku, and perhaps the most fatal: their power rests mostly in their genetic makeup, not their efforts. Superman is an alien who is stronger in Earth’s air. Goku is a Saiyan, a race whose rules don’t need to be elaborated on once more (for both writing and medical reasons). “Wait, SantaRobin! Didn’t you already mention them being OP?” Why yes, hypothetical reader. But this is another symptom of that flaw with effects so fatal, it warrants its own section. I think the message of DBZ is simply not one of good over evil, but of people training to improve themselves to accomplish impressive feats to help the ones we love. Goku accomplishes impressive feats to save loved ones not only by training but also because he has an over-the-top healing ability and 5 powerful forms. It’s safe to say most of his strength stems from his genes, like all the Saiyans. This absolutely kills the message for me, as  Goku’s successes can mainly be credited not only from hard work and perseverance, but from something he didn’t earn:genes. It makes the humans futile and useless and this is becoming a sequel to my Saiyan rant pretty quickly. Back on the subject of Goku specifically, this does not help in sending one of DBZ’s most relevant morals. 

An iconic character who is held up to be an ideal must present the message of what they do clearly, not contradict it. Goku, like Supes, end up doing this. What does this mean? The white bread isn’t served properly. It’s not toasted with interesting and unique character traits and flaws, and it’s sucky-tasting because it’s an ideal that’s message doesn’t support it properly, making Goku bad white bread.

Goku does have fun moments. His positivity and humor add light-heartedness to the show, but it’s not enough to support him as a fascinating character or even a proper ideal or icon. If anybody were to be the main hero of DBZ, I’d give it to Gohan. He’d start the next generation of Z-fighters, so to speak. Gohan isn’t too goody-goody, he’s smart and he does have his cool moments when he goes beast mode. Kid Gohan starting DBZ would have been an excellent contrast to kid Goku at the beginning of DB, giving viewers a different taste of protagonists at the start of these two shows. I’m even willing to think that some person has written a full-fleshed story about this, somewhere in the world. I’d love to read that interesting take on DBZ. I’m sure if you at least tweak some Saiyan rules, Goku could pass as a main character, going the ideal route. But Goku as we know him is bad white bread, and he’s not enough.

***

I’m sure I have those who agree with me and a lot of haters for writing this about Goku. Take your side and reply. I don’t care if you love me or hate me. Complaint or praise, I’ll take it. If you did like this, don’t forget to fav, reblog and follow for more of these long-winded DBZ rants. Be sure to click on my avatar and explore my archive to venture out into my previous DBZ opinions. You might want to check out my Saiyan post if you haven’t already, as that really helped me in the outcome of this post. 

Some questions I’d like you to answer, too. Would Gohan be a better main character than Goku? Do you think Goku is a good character or good ideal or both on his own? Or do you also think he’s not high-quality Wonder Bread? If someone else was to star in DBZ as the main protagonist, who would you like it to be? Any of Goku’s flaws you’d like to inform me about? Are Superman and Goku really that similar? Should Goku have beaten Superman in their Death Battles? All this and more in this article’s comment section...hopefully.

I hope you enjoyed, and Goku, please cook for at least 3 minutes in the toaster and put some butter on yourself. I’m raring for a snack.

DON’T. RUN. AWAY. 

I kinda like Vegeta. I really do. His ruthlessness is awesome. Wonderful contrast to Goku. Please, don’t hurt me!

Okay. Now that those precautions have been dealt with, let me proceed. After Goku whopped Nappa’s ass, Vegeta kills Nappa. Why? Vegeta knows there are healing chambers at the space station. Two work better than one, and I know Vegeta is like Batman and he works alone. It’s just that for such a strategic warrior-prince, he doesn’t know how to use his resources properly. Nappa is a usefully strong brute who would do anything Vegeta says. What Vegeta should have done was summon Nappa’s pod (like how Vegeta did to himself) and send the poor sucker home. Not kill him!

You must think that mercy betrays Vegeta’s character. Correct. Vegeta could have done worse than kill him, make him feel pain still, i.e break a bone that wasn’t already broken by Nappa. I think that kicking in someone’s leg, savoring every bone snap, makes Vegeta much more bloodthirsty than evaporating him. (’Sides, if Vegeta killed Nappa, he’d be haunted by Ghost-Nappa for all eternity. Not a good fate, according to DBZ:Abridged) 

After Vegeta’s defeat, he and Nappa would go to Namek as partners (dysfunctional ones at that) and hunt for the dragon balls. Nappa being on Namek really divides the action better than Vegeta being badass on his own. Vegeta could have an ongoing fight with Cui, Nappa with Dodoria, Vegeta with Zarbon and Nappa with the one or all of the Z-fighters. Good action potential there. However, when the Ginyu Force arrives, things become difficult. Guildo fights off the little people (like in the show) and Recoome enters a fight with Nappa. And I’m going to tell you right now, it was a match made in heaven. Though Recoome is flamboyant and Nappa is masculine, they’re both muscular guys who have a lot of oral attacks (don’t go to that dirty place in your mind. Who am I kidding? It’s too late.) Even their stories are similar, as they are easily dispatched when Goku arrives to save the day from a distant world. Hell, I think it would be an epic fight. 

Nappa would be disposed of here, but by whom? Would Recoome kill him, or would Vegeta actually have his share of this nonsense and do it himself? For the latter, it would be a contradiction of what I’ve said previously...unless, Recoome dealt a blow so fierce that Nappa lost an arm or a leg. Then Vegeta would have said, “F*ck that sh*t!” and ended Nappa, because Saiyans aren’t Namekians. That arm ain’t comin’ back.

Nappa still living, as I mentioned two paragraphs earlier, divides the action up nicely. After Nappa’s passing (unfortunate, I know), Burter can beat up Vegeta (and show how fast he is. And maybe land a punch on him.), and Jeice could have finished the little people. It would make Goku’s entrance much more dramatic if every Ginyu Force member beat up someone. (Guildo did do something close to beating someone else up, so he still gets credit.). It would fuel that rare moment when Goku would be really pissed. 

Nappa’s survival, it’s length only a little prolonged, would actually do a lot of cool stuff in Namek. Nappa himself was enjoyable (which is why Team Four Star probably had little trouble translating him to the Abridged version. GhostNappa all the way!), and his abilities were just cool. Pity that even if Nappa survived in my interpretation, we never see him go Super-Saiyan (the fanart suggests crazy mustache. I always figured he had one lone hair on his head, maybe two like Homer Simpson, that we could never see just for the occasion he’d match the Super-Saiyan legends. The image I get is intimidating when he’s screaming and the hair goes straight in the air.) Why would you do such a thing Vegeta? Nappa could have been Nappa for, like 15 more episodes! Why, man? Why?

Would I keep Nappa alive in my fanfic premise (which you could read, mainly the first saga, if you just click my name and explore. Brought to you through an extremely subliminal message)? Maybe. I could edit the first saga, but that might clash with some of the ideas I had for the Z-fighters. So right now, it’s still a thought. 

There’s a probably chance that a good amount of people would tell me to leave Vegeta alone for killing Nappa (it didn’t work with the Britney Spears guy, it’s not gonna work with Vegeta). What do you think of Nappa? Should he have lived another day? Does Recoome vs. Nappa sound cool to you? What would Super-Saiyan Nappa look like? Does my idea kick ass, or do you have some other suggestion? Be sure like, reblog, follow and reply (photo reply is on, so you could submit your own Super-Saiyan Nappa art.).

Hope you enjoyed and may Ghost Nappa be with you!

If you couldn’t tell by my avatar, I like the Ginyu Force. Colorful, fun and flamboyant, they stick with you. They’re one of the best parts of the Namek Saga. They’re seen as the most elite team in the universe (or galaxy or something), led by the body-switching Cpt. Ginyu. I’m sure you’re curious for my ranking of the memorable members, so I’ll go favorite to least.

1. Burter-the Speed

2. Jeice-the Looker

3. Ginyu-the Leader

4. Recoome-the Muscle

5. Guildo-the Psychic

That is correct, folks. Burter and Jeice are my favorites. So why do I question their existence? Let’s start with Burter, the fastest guy in the universe...at least he would be if power levels weren’t such goddamn bullsh*t! Really look at it here: Anybody who has a higher power level is stronger and faster by default. Ginyu, Frieza, Cooler, King Cold. Y’know, all of Burter’s employers. Even Guildo is faster than Burter since he can stop time. How did Burter get recruited anyway? What did he put on his resume? “Really fast”? Actually, I shouldn’t mock his speed because the reason he’s so fast, according to my research, is that he had to rush to get groceries for his abusive mom, meaning he was always on the run. Well that’s dark. Who is Burter supposed to be? Snake-Batman? What makes Burter’s situation even worse is, despite his childhood turmoil, Goku still is faster than him, and easily bests him. That’s bound to depress Burter. Even if Vegeta didn’t finish him off, I don’t think Burter would have gotten over his defeat. Why create such a depressing backstory for a one-time villain? By the by, this info was in a DBZ handbook, describing all the DBZ characters. It just astounds me that alongside Burter’s origin story are other Ginyu backstories, including Recoome being a dancer and Guildo using his psychic powers to be a pervert. Good God! Why couldn’t Burter be a track runner or something? Why did Akira Toriyama create such a downer of a story?Burter is not the fastest guy in the universe, granted he is really fast (not that we see it in any of the fights in the show), so he is has nothing going for him.

However, that’s not as bad as Jeice. All Jeice has is a rockstar look and an Australian accent. It took me a good 5 minutes to figure out what Jeice’s job was in my listing above, while the others took mere seconds. I mean, he has a lot of energy attacks, but nothing really unique. The handbook states that he used to play baseball. Well, that’s fascinating. Anything else? No? Really? Other than a cool look and accent, Jeice has nothing. Fightwise, Jeice got more than Burter, as his fight with Vegeta was pretty alright. Still, I didn’t really see anything unique from him besides his look. There’s speed, brawn, telepathy, body-switching (not a classic trope, but I digress) and...looking pretty. Sorry, Jeice. Doesn’t fly with me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love these characters. Burter’s snake design was cool, Jeice’s mannerisms and look were amusing, and overall, their poses were just as epic as everyone else’s in the team. It’s just some things bother me. Why did power levels have to be associated with speed? Why couldn’t Burter really be the fastest person in the universe? (And yes, I mean faster than Ginyu and the Cold family. Guildo is a different kind of fast, so I don’t really count him.) Why couldn’t Jeice be the agile one or something? Or maybe someone who uses the environment around him? I could just imagine Jeice and Vegeta fighting in Frieza’s ship, Jeice trying to get an energy blast from around the corner, or hiding in an air vent and attacking from above. It would just add more badassery to Jeice. 

I dunno what connection I have with characters brimming with untapped potential: Raditz, Yamcha, these two mooks. I guess it gives me confidence that I could do something better with these characters. 

The Ginyu Force are the best team in the universe, but some members have their lovers and haters. How about a ranking? That’s right. How would you rank the Ginyu Force members? And what about your opinions about Burter and Jeice? Love or hate them? 

I love to write about these guys, because they’re just so much fun. This is not my first Ginyu Force post, however, as I wrote an in-depth piece on Guildo. Just click my blog (now renamed santarobindbz. Other shows will probably get their own separate blogs. I’ll inform you of new shows to see me review if you’re interested.), and explore my whacky and long-winded opinions on DBZ.

Be sure to leave a like, follow and reblog. Hope you enjoyed and whenever you’re feeling down, strike a pose Ginyu style. Doesn’t even have to be in the privacy of your own home. You can do it in a 7-11 if you want. Don’t mind those stares. They don’t understand the grace and elegance of a Ginyu pose.

See you soon.