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sorry i dont find #joy in #homemaking or the #hearth or any shit like that i find joy in being paid and spending 126$ at a restaurant and thee liquor store

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

you have IBS.

you couldnt imagine what it was like to be 10 years old and listen to radioactive by imagine dragons

its … it’s almost like it was enough to make your systems blow

not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

can anyone find the satiric newspaper headline that might have been something other than the onion that was along the lines of “‘This Is More Relevant/Timely Than Ever,’ Says Theater Company About to Put on Oldass Play Worse Than Has Ever Been Done Before”

thank you…i should have known it was him

Never talk to me or my son who is visibly liberal ever again.

the water in hotel showers will do things to the texture of your hair you didn’t even know were possible

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too